I never thought I had depression; sure I felt sad a lot and I cried sometimes, but I wasn’t depressed. I can’t tell you how many times I told people I wasn’t depressed; this should have been my first clue that something was wrong, but having depression meant I was weak and I wouldn’t let people think I was weak. I mean what did I really have to be depressed about? I was married to the only person I have ever truly loved, we had a wonderful kid, and we were living in my hometown; nothing to be depressed about there.

It wasn’t until I experienced a severe trauma that I realized I had been depressed for years and just couldn’t admit it. I look back on all the years of denial and wonder how different my life would be if I had sought out help earlier. While my life now is far from perfect I am able to talk about the way I feel and I am working with my doctor to get the correct balance of medications to make me feel better.

I know I can’t change my past and the time I wasted, but I hope I can help others know that depression is nothing to be ashamed of. I work with college students, many of whom are having a difficult time. I try really hard to openly talk about the issues I have had in my life so hopefully they will feel comfortable too. I don’t want them to spend years being ashamed of themselves or just putting on a happy face for the people around them.

Finisher?

I am great at starting things; I always have been. I have great ideas; ideas for my job, ideas about books I want to write, home repair projects, or new careers I want. There really is no limit to my imagination when comes to the beginning; it is the following through and finishing where I fall short. It has been over three months since I last updated this blog, but this is just one of the projects I haven't followed through on. I also have a novel I started writing a few years ago, a comic series I am working on, and several ideas/projects I have going for my job. About six months ago I decided I wanted to update the staircase in our so I ripped the carpet up and started to strip the paint from the bannister and there it sits; no carpet and a half naked banister. This lack of follow through isn't just annoying to me, but to those around me as well. Every time my husband steps on a rogue nail I missed I know he gets irritated with me, and who can blame him. Whenever things get rough, I just quit. How do you finish your projects? What makes you move forward when things get tough?

I am currently employed at a small liberal arts college; where I make very little money, but I feel like I am making a difference in the student's lives. My husband and I struggle to pay our bills each month; on top of the normal things like our house payment and utilities I also have a student loan payment each month. One of the things that makes staying at my low paying job with while is being able to take advantage of a federal program called the Public Service Loan Forgiveness Program. Being enrolled in this program means that after ten years of payments while being employed at a non-profit the estate of my loan is forgiven. Since my income is pretty low, my loan payments reduced from around $1800 a month to around $200 a month. Right now I owe $169,000 in student loans. Like most people who take out student loans I had two things in mind when I took that money. First, it was the only way I was going to be able to go to college, so I did what I had to do. And second, I figured I would be able to get a good paying job with my pricey education. I never intended to be in a situation where I would be unable to repay them, but here we are. Today I found out that Betsy DeVos, the new Secretary of Education is probably going to get rid of this program. This means that I will be paying my students loans until I die. Is this what life is supposed to be? How can anyone think this is ok?

I honestly don't know how this dick can get in front of a mic and act like this bill is good for the American people. Remember folks when Trump and Pence are impeached this asshole will be your president.

Today is International Women’s Day so several members of the faculty and staff walked out to strike today. The above are some of the wonderful ladies I work with everyday. We are lucky, we work at a college where we are supported. Our male boss worked all day today, covering all of our shifts, we also had several male students who came in to help him out so that we could all strike. As hourly workers if we don’t work, we don’t get paid, so a member of the faculty set up a gofundme account to cover the money we would lose by striking. Unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky as we are.

There are so many women in this country, and around the world who do not have the support we do. These are the women we need to fight for. The one thing that made me sad today was the almost complete lack of women of color. I hope in the future we can do better on being inclusive.

I will never understand the uproar about transgender people using whatever bathroom the want. I mean, really; what is the big deal? The college where I work has gender neutral bathrooms and it is not an issue. As far as I know there have been no incidents anywhere with gender neutral bathrooms where a transgender person has been the perpetrator, not the victim. Considering this why do people have a problem with people using the bathroom that matches their gender identity? Could it be that this is not about bathrooms? Could it be this is solely about hatred for those who are different? America is such a paradox. We pride ourselves on our diversity, we even call ourselves ‘the melting pot’, but at the same time we hate anyone different from us. And by us I mean straight, white, cigs, males with a lot of money. A quick look at this countries history shows this to be true. Transgender is just the latest in a long line of people who are being discriminated against, threatened, beaten, and killed because of this hatred. And sadly, thanks to the new administration the situation is just getting worse. The good news is you can make things better! You can stand by your transgender friends, neighbors, and acquaintances. You can contact your local, state, and federal representatives and let them know you supports equal rights and protections for transgender people. You can also donate to groups who fight for transgender rights; here’s a list: The National Center for Transgender Equality www.transequality.org TransOhio www. TransOhio.org Trans Advocacy Network www.transadvocacynetwork.org

Trans Lifeline https://www.translifeline.org/

In addition to these there are many more groups you can donate to or volunteer for. Just do something!

Sick and depressed

I'm pretty sure the worst thing is to get sick when you are already depressed. Normally I am surrounded by people everyday at work; it helps me keep my mind busy, so I don't think about things too much. For the last two days I have been home sick, and it sucks. Honestly yesterday I slept all but about five hours so I didn't have a lot of time to dwell on past hurts and mistakes. Today that has not been the case. I have been sitting for the past hour or so thinking about things that have happened in the past, things that still cause me pain. Most days I am pretty happy with my life at the moment. I have a good job that I love; working with people I truly care about. I have a husband who loves me more than anything, and tells me and shows me everyday. I live in a nice town, in a home I love. And I have the cutest, best dog in the world. All of this really does make me happy, I just don't know how to stop focusing on mistakes that were made in the past that are keeping me from moving forward. Most days the pain is minimal; I keep my mind busy with work, writing, reading, and being with my husband. It is the times when I'm alone, when it is quiet that the pain comes back. I refuse to let the past ruin my future, a future that looks pretty good.

Isaac reading MLK's Letter From Birmingham Jail.

Morning General Strike activities; a read-in and crafts.

General Strike

Tomorrow my department at the college where I work will be participating in the General Strike. We are the only department on campus doing so, which I find sad and disheartening. Our college was built on activism and trying to change the world for the better. Our motto is: Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity, but no one thought this was worth doing. Yes, in many ways us striking is largely a symbolic act of solidarity, but it can also serve to wake some people up. We have already had many students show us support, and hopefully tomorrow they will take part in some of the political actions we are doing. These actions include a read-in, community trash clean up, and a letter writing session. We take this action in direct opposition to the current administration that occupies the White House, and the policies it is putting forth. We can not sit by and watch what is happening in this country and not stand up. To some striking for the day may not seem like a big deal, but we are all losing a days pay, we are risking our jobs, and we are risking are position within the community where we work. We will stand in solidarity with people of color and the fight to dismantle white supremacy. We seek to promote the rights of women and protest anti-women political agendas. We stand in solidarity with Trans people and their right to legal protections against discrimination and harassment. We are opposed to xenophobic policies that target people from Mexico, Iraq, Sudan, Iran, Syria, Yemen, Libya and Somalia. We do not support the construction of more walls on any of our boarders. We do not support the roll back or removal of vital social services like social security, the ACA, SNAP benefits, medicare and medicaid. We continue to stand with Standing Rock and we are opposed to the completion of the Dakota Access Pipeline.

RESIST

Sometimes, when things are so bad the only thing you can do is laugh. This has been the response by many to the current administration; to laugh, to point out their ignorance, and to use satire and mockery to bring these things to light. I appreciate that this is just a coping mechanism for most; one that I use quite frequently myself, but we can't let ourselves get distracted from the issues at hand. This administration is taking actions that will hurt people, and not as an indirect result of their actions, but directly due to their actions. They are doing things to intentionally hurt those who disagree with them and those who are different than them. I don't like rehashing the numerous horrible things they have done so far; I am more concerned with how we are responding. Laugh if it helps you, but don't let it dampen your outrage over what is going on with the new regime. So many actions can be taken to show your opposition to what is going on. Here are just a few: - Participate is a march or protest. They are happening everyday, find one near you and go. If you can find one, organize one. - Call, email, or write your representatives about issues that are important to you. - Donate money to organizations that support your views. - Volunteer with organizations that you support. Now go forth and RESIST!

Trump clearly didn't read the executive order he signed two days ago. If he had would have realized that he should be the first to get out of the country. He is openly hostile to the founding principles of the US, is openly opposes much of the Constitution, and is all about oppressing those of different races, genders, and sexual orientations. In the first week of his administration he has banned people from several 'Muslim' countries from entering the US. During his campaign he and his running mate were opening hostile towards equal rights for LGBTQ folks and women, and he supports racist 'law and order' tactics like stop and frisk. I say we don't try to fight this order, but demand that it be strictly enforced and get Trump the fuck out of here!

Two days in to this new administration and the term ‘alternative facts’ has replaced the word lie. Politics has never been exactly an honest game, but this dishonesty is being taken to a dramatic new level. Sean Spicer was sent out to lie yesterday, about something so ridiculous as the number of people who attended the inauguration, then today Kellyanne Conway was sent out to introduce the new term ‘alternative facts’. These are just stupid lies about something that is rather inconsequential, but that is really the point. If this administration feels the need to lie about something so unimportant and something that is easily proven what won’t they lie about? The thing that bothered me the most about Spicer’s first press briefing, and thing I have not heard many people talking about is Spicer telling the press what they should be covering. Why does nobody seem bothered by this? We now have an administration who talks about how the press is their enemy, talks about picking and choosing what reporters will allowed in the press pool, plans to move the press room out of the West Wing, and openly lies to the press and the public.

Why do you think the want to get rid of the free press? Where else has this type of behavior been seen?

In thirteen hours this beautiful man will no longer be our president. The sadness I feel tonight is overwhelming. For the past eight years he has cared for ALL Americans as if he were our father and I truly don't want to imagine want this country is going to be like without him.

Lumberjanes

My husband has managed the comic book store in our town for about eight years and I'm rather ashamed to admit that in that time I have taken very little interest in the industry, or even individual books; that is until about two years ago. Part of the reason for my lack of interest was my impression that comics were basically written about superheroes, and I have very little interest in that. Not to knock Marvel or DC, but they don't publish a lot of books that I want to read. It wasn't until I discovered smaller publishers like Image and Dark House that I realized there was a whole world of books out there for me! Lately I have fallen in love with the books put out by Boom! Box; books like Backstagers, Slam, Giant Days, Lumberjanes. Lumberjanes is probably my favorite! Lumberjanes is the name of a girls summer camp, but this is no regular camp. First of all these girls kick ass! There are no 'traditional' female roles here. The second thing that is different about this camp is the number of supernatural monsters the girls have to fight over the summer; no boys running to the rescue here. There is a neighboring boys camp, but they get saved by the girls. One of the reasons I love this book so much is its inclusiveness. The girls at the camp represent many different races and backgrounds. Lumberjanes is also extremely LGBT friendly; one character has two dads and two of the girls are dating. Barney, one of the boys from the neighboring camp asked to join the Lumberjanes and they accepted him with open arms. One of my favorite moments is when Barney is asked what pronouns he prefers. All of these are spoken about rather in passing, like they are normal; because they are. Noelle Stevenson, Shannon Watters, Carolyn Nowak, and Brooke Allen are the women behind this amazing comic, and I can't thank them enough for all of the thought and work they put in to Lumberjanes.

This is still the Republican's health care plan for America. They love to talk about repeal and replace; they have had about seven years to put some ideas together for a replacement, but they don't want to replace it they want you to die. The Republican Party has shown people time and again that they don't care about poor people; when will people finally pay attention? When someone shows you who they are believe them!