— Cheers To The Past

it seemed like a daily ritual for her friends to entice her with the mentions of alcohol and promises of letting oneself unwind. whines and pleas of how she would never let herself have fun. always politely declining every offer and bribe given her way had also become a daily ritual for her. it wasn’t as if the rose haired girl wanted to refuse every cherry flavored bitter liquor thrown her way, or miss out on a night where drinks were free and memories were forgotten. she just didn’t want to take any risks of exposing herself former self to anyone. coming off as a soft and dainty lady with only good bones in her body was an exhaustingly hard task; past sins whispering sweet nothings into her ear every time her facade wavered. beckoning her to let loose, drop her charade and let her breathe in her skin once again. she sighed, the smell wafted around the entire area slowly choking her true self but she couldn’t succumb to its call. not here, where everyone could seeー see her bare flesh laid out clear view.

but it had been a rough week for all of them, complaining chaeyoung doesn’t even want to be their friends seeing how she refuses to hang out with them. she absolutely had to go that day, if she didn’t it meant she didn’t like them. that’s how she ended up at a random bar, with no intention of getting wasted off her ass or having any other source of entertainment. her eyes scanned the area, looking for nothing in particular maybe to scan to see if she could risk just this one night. hook up with some random stranger who’d have too much alcohol coursing through his veins for him to even remember her face, forget her touch by dawn. as if she even had the luxury, she was everywhere. eyes and ears, any sense of privacy was thrown out the window. it was near impossible for someone to outrunー let alone even try to run from gossip girl’s antics.

sitting on a random bar stool a heavy sigh left her lips as she asked for some sprite. it was awfully dark in here, nearly missing the figure that seemed to call her with no purpose. her name slurred on his tongue; his usual shy and reserved state seemed to be nonexistent. initiating the conversation with such open attitude she would’ve believed this was how he was if not been for the small talks in the elevator. wrapping her fingers around the glass of fizzy pop she took the chance of listening to his drunken babble.

“in a world like ours. i wouldn’t blame them. it must be the sins of our past that hang so heavy above our heads.” for someone so careful with her words, all her thoughts poured as effortless as the liquor in his cup. “they say alcohol is man’s worst enemy,  ‘but I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,’ matthew 5:44.”

now you see me + cs & pc

half past eight on thursday, every week it’s been the same. the regular trip to the grocery store for the necessities ( and occasional heart-stopping junk that she would enjoy indulging in ). the same store, same time, same cashier. nothing was different; her clockwork-like routine hadn’t changed for years but that day it was obnoxiously busy. college students and tired old business men crowding the streets, barely leaving breathing space for the girl who held four shopping bags like a champ. each little bump and brush of bodies made the grocery bags in her hands feel heavier. a sweat began to form despite the chilly night and she couldn’t help take a short break. sitting on a nearby bench, massaging her hands as her pale skin shone a bright red under the yellow street light. it wasn’t worth it, trudging through the busy streets with bags as heavy as seven thick textbooks combined. a couple minutes detour wouldn’t harm anyone, heading away from the well populated streets.

she’d walked through this neighborhood many times before. usually during the day; it was eerily quiet at night. the dim street lamps casting haunting shadows across the walls as each skitter of tiny feet across the uneven cement job sounded even louder than normal. the girl who was sweating just a few minutes ago had now tightened the hold of her coat on her body. isolating the warmth, giving her a cage of security. she couldn’t shake the feel that something bad was about to happen. blaming her suspicions on nerves.

it seems she spoke her worries too soon; it all happened so quick her brain hadn’t processed what had happened until the cold metal touched her temple. the barrel of a gun aim straight at her skull. she hadn’t even noticed the man hiding in the alley shadows or when he grabbed from the dim street lamps of the sidewalk. yanking her away, releasing the groceries from her hand. he picked her up– no, he dragged her way so easily. it felt unreal, was her life coming to a bittersweet end. her trembling frame gripped tightly in his grasp. it couldn’t be real, her life would end in a lie. the sweet innocent chaeyoung would be mourned for but no one would bat a lash at the girl who was once known as roseanne. her friends from new zealand would never have been informed, half of them dead because of stupid mistakes– that would’ve been her. she used to be high, drunk, and stupid but she was alive. death to roseanne meant birth to chaeyoung, death to chaeyoung meant– a one way trip to the morgue. leaving behind everything she worked so hard to built; what her mother tried to fix. no, she refused to accept her fate to be this, to die by some random assailant on her grocery run. it was unethical for any of this to happen to her, she did her best to be the perfect daughter, the daughter everyone wants, humble, pretty, and caring. nearly choking on her own sobs she didn’t notice the man himself was trembling; screaming at an unseen force. using her as leverage to escape his own fate. this wasn’t fair, her life was based on wrong timing. wrong place, misguidance, bad time; it was some unspoken rule.

she suddenly choked as the man dragged her back, the person he feared so greatly coming into clear view. the long hair, the stiff expression, the hidden killing intent. sumin. standing there, a gun pointed straight to the man’s skull. cha sumin, hauntingly beautiful, ready to kill the man that currently had his arms wrapped chaeyoung’s neck. using whatever breath she had she caught her eye, voice pleading, “please, i can’t die.”