Elijah Robertson (3DBear)

the complex feeling of finding a song from an artist you like only to find out they wrote/produced your most hated pop song

there was a time in the drag race fandom around 2015-2018 when a lot of teenagers got into it because of season 7 and they all started writing fan fiction about the queen's drag personas fucking each other but then would get really grossed out & scandalized when the queens talked about their actual sex life. things like sniffing pits, leather stuff, fisting, things gay men in nightlife scenes tend to enjoy. i don't really have anything to add or insightful commentary it was just really funny every time it happened lol

CW: religious trauma, (not recent) familial death, discussions of grief & atheism

always funny to think about how my family & other folks where I live think i am atheist out of a rebellious choice and that i just hate the idea of god & heaven when in fact i spent most of my life desperately trying to cling to the idea of heaven as just & deserved afterlive for those i care about and have lost, and that i will see them again some day. losing my faith meant losing that comfort and is something i have not, and never will, replace. i lost them when they passed, and i lost them again when i realized they are gone forever and i will not meet them again.

my atheism & loss of faith is honestly something i consider a net loss for myself. honestly, if i could somehow get back to the point of genuinely believing in heaven again i would. though i know i cannot go back. just a very strange position to be in.

watched a single episode of a bluey and enjoyed it. i now have baby brain. if i watch a single episode of the sopranos my head will cave in. this is how consuming media works i have heard

"thats a weird thing to say" is my go to when someone says something out of pocket, bigoted, or conspiratorial, to me. it shuts them up. prep girl bullies in middle school really got it right with that one