loveliest in nature

the internal tension between being a prickly judgemental cunt and someone who loves people to the point of tears has resulted in a maxim i like to call Everyone Is Beautiful and I Hate Them So Much

feel like this has always been pretty clear but buck's hamster wheel isn't about the specific relationships he's in or who they're with, it's about his shitty self-worth that stops him from interrogating his own wants and needs and largely makes him a passive participant in his own life. the pattern of his romantic relationships is the most obvious symptom of this because his desperate pursuit of love is rooted in said shitty self-worth. him discovering something new about his identity or breaking from that in minor ways does not begin to approach the wounds caused by his parents' emotional neglect nor does it change the resulting self-soothing behavior patterns that all of his romantic partners have reinforced thus far, which allow him to avoid recognizing his own agency.

the reason why eddie comes up is because he is actually pretty much the only person in buck's life thus far who has actively and consistently disrupted buck's complacency with taking the backseat in his own life. the way he treats buck allows him room to heal himself. historically this has been difficult for buck when he's in his various hamster-wheel relationships because said relationships are, as i said, the result of a much deeper issue with his perception of himself and so they allow him to stay in the same cycles (we all heard bobby call him out).

if buck were in a vulnerable/confused/uncertain position where he didn't understand what it was that he wanted, and eddie made a move on him, and that kickstarted their relationship, this would literally still be the same exact hamster wheel!!!!!! because he'd still be going in with the same issues that have caused rifts in all of his other relationships, and he wouldn't have made any strides in tackling said issues! if someone's saying otherwise, they're wrong!!!!!

but it would be not only shitty but completely out of character for about 20 different reasons for eddie to do this. it doesn't have to be eddie; it could absolutely be another character who also insists on trusting buck to make decisions for himself, they'd just have to introduce someone new. eddie just currently happens to be narratively positioned in a way that it makes sense for buck to be able to do the work on himself that would allow him to take the reins for the first time literally ever with him. getting off the hamster wheel is not about eddie or about any other character... it's about buck, developing such that he can make particular choices in his interactions with other characters that actually help him grow. that growth could happen through eddie or it could not. it doesn't matter, just like his actual romantic partner doesn't matter while he's still on the hamster wheel.

buck is not real and he has no interiority so it's actually ok to admit that certain narratives attached to certain characters might assist in or hinder his growth. it's also ok that buck's self-discovery and his relationship with a man instead of a woman affected very little change in this stuff that isn't necessarily about his sexuality. none of buck's problems take away from the fact that he's bisexual. and the fact that buck knows he's bisexual still doesn't necessarily heal the majority of his problems. if you want to believe that tommy has taken him off the wheel, that's fine! but there's no need to misrepresent or reduce what's being said on the other side.

listen… i have to set this straight. eddie does not indulge buck. eddie is not along for the ride with buck. eddie is not simply amused by buck’s antics. eddie actively and knowingly conspires with buck. he goads buck on when he thinks there is a possibility for entertainment. at times he chooses to make things a million times worse. eddie is mischievous. he is ridiculous. he will rile you up. he is buck’s PARTNER IN CRIME!!! he just happens to be (somewhat) smarter about it!!!

Thinking about how Eddie is a deeply silly man who has been forced into always being the responsible one. Thinking about How Buck is someone who longs to be taken seriously but is always treated like he's immature or irresponsible. Thinking about how Buck gives Eddie the freedom to be his most ridiculous and how Eddie trusts Buck with his most serious responsibilities and problems.

Ai Weiwei, “Dropping a Han Dynasty Urn,” 1995

An astonishingly irreverent piece of work.  This triptych features the artist dropping a Han Dynasty (206 BC - 220 AD) in three photographs.  

When questioned about the work, he suggested that the piece was about industry: “[The urn] was industry then and is industry now.”  His statement, therefore, was that the urn was just a cheap pot two thousand years ago, and the reverence we feel toward it is artificial.  One critic wrote: “In other words, for all the aura of preciousness acquired by the accretion of time (and skillful marketing), this vessel is the Iron Age equivalent of a flower pot from K-Mart and if one were to smash the latter a few millennia from now, would it be an occasion for tears?”

However, the not-so-subtle political undertone is clear.  This piece was about destroying the notion that everything that is old is good…including the traditions and cultures of China.  For Ai Weiwei, this triptych represents a moment in which culture suddenly shifts (sometimes violently), shattering the old and outdated to make room for the new.  

ive thought about this piece daily since first seeing it

I absolutely hate this, and that’s what makes it good art.

let them smooch!! 

((neil is bending his knees a lil so andrew can reach🙏🏻🙏🏻)

died and came back exactly the same but something was so so so wrong with me before and now I have an excuse to really lean into it

Ryoko Kui please return my calls

*through gritted teeth* you are not a child taking a test with the purpose of getting the highest score, you are an adult trying new things and finding ways to enjoy your life, make mistakes, be a beginner, be mediocre, be where you need to be, be unlikeable, just. be.

eddie diaz | the prophecy

Sudan still desperately needs aid--it needs a lot of things, but it is approaching a dangerous point with famine and mass death due to hunger imminent.

These are the kinds of headlines we're getting now:

Here's an ongoing fundraiser:

I linked it before, to help with Ramadan, but it's an ongoing initiative, the need has not stopped.

I picked this gofundme because it's been boosted by people I trust and you can see pictures online of the food they've provided, e.g.:

But I also picked this because you can see the amount of donations. It's 2pm ET on Saturday, April 20th right now? For the next week, whatever's donated, I'll match for a total up to $2,000 (we'll say 2,750 CAD, since the gofundme is in Canadian dollars).

You don't have to send me a receipt, I just ask that you donate and boost.

for @incorrectstevebucky <3

based on this

i love that neil spends majority of aftg being like omg they cannot find out that there is something wrong with me i have to be normal. and everyone who interacts with him is like Bro what the fuck is wrong with you

Neil & Matt art 🫶