gluphokquen reblogged
theatre people as john mulaney quotes
Actors: You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.
Director: In terms of, like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.
Sound techs: The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
Light techs: No one knows what you’re talking about, you idiot!
Stage manager: You ever have those days where something happens and you’re like… whatever, this may as well happen?
Assistant stage manager: I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.
Stage crew: I am very small, and I have no money. You can imagine the kind of stress I’m under.
Set builders: This is an on-fire garbage can. …Could be a nursery.
Props department: Because it’s the one thing you can’t replace.
Costume department: Hi, I’m very gay, and I’d like a few dollars.
Makeup people: I don’t look older. I just look worse.
Publicity team: You know how you lie to your parents?
Budget board: Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs.
Audience: I’m really sorry about last night, it’s just that I’m mean and loud.
