The Signs As Dan Howell’s Tweets

Aries: ‘baa baa black sheep have you any wool?’ ‘yes sir yes sir three bags full’ mate ur talking to a fucking sheep are u on shrooms or what 

Taurus: man i love going to the dentist CLEAN ME YES SCRAPE MY GUMS MM HARDER

Gemini:  home alone! time to watch tv for ten hours completely naked and eat several bags of microwave popcorn with no one around to shame me

Cancer:  i’m totally addicted to the star wars clone wars tv series and i’m in love with anakin skywalker force choke me dad i mean darth i mean what

Leo: just saw the revenant and idk but if the bear got to wrestle with leo then spend the winter warming him with it’s skin who’s the real winner

Libra:  i was stood under a tree crunching on leaves as they fell around me when a dog started peeing on it thanks for ruining my autumn moment m8

Virgo:  is it illegal to break into my neighbours house to play with their cute dog

Scorpio: a pigeon just landed in front of me and held eye contact while pooping on the floor for six seconds then flew away i feel so distressed

Capricorn: don’t judge me for the litter that falls out for i am just a humble trash can trying to roll my way through life

Sagittarius: i accidentally stepped on an ant this morning and feel so bad honestly the guilt is destroying me who has reverend lovejoy’s number

Aquarius: i’m awake at 2am watching animal videos and crying laughing but maybe just crying because i love them so much i’m having one of those nights

Pisces: i feel spiritually uncomfortable when i’m not wearing pyjamas like i can’t wait to get home and pull off my jeans so i can be my true self