clown tarot

thanks! i hate it

relentlesslygayy:

[link: Visually impaired tabletop merch!]

[link clarity and spaces added for accessibility]

Nothing banishes Monday blues like discovering that a decidedly sinister, 100-year-old H. P. Lovecraft poem, entitled “Nemesis,” maps almost perfectly to the 1973 song “Piano Man” by Billy Joel.

If you already know the song, then simply reading the poem below is enough to see that the two really do match. But listening to “Nemesis“ being sung by songwriter and performer Julian Velard as he also plays “Piano Man” is one of the most unsettlingly sublime things the internet has ever produced.

Velard is no longer Velard. He’s H. P. Joelcraft, the Cthulhuman. Listen above and follow along here:

[via Birth.Movies.Death.]

@meganphntmgrl oh my god

This is the king of cursed posts.

@rabbivole

small fat low poly birbs

jiggle, my sons

The best use of jiggle physics 

Kyle the Friendly Ghost

Playing a horror based RPG called dread, where two of our characters (Caleb and Stephanie) were just found by the man who’s monster had killed another character named Kyle (Caleb’s best friend).

GM as Man: Now, just come down from that tree and we can talk and everything is going to be fine. Your friend was hurt but I found him in time, he’s going to live

Stephanie: Caleb, we saw what happened to Kyle, we heard the scream get cut off, I don’t trust this guy.

Caleb(OOC): I look over at Stephanie like ‘no shit, don’t say that in front of him’

Kyle’s player: Yeah, Kyle’s ghost is just hanging around like ‘ yeah no don’t trust that guy, he’s a total asshole’

GM: holy shit

Kyle’s player: can ghost Kyle be canon?

GM: Yes, absolutely. Kyle’s ghost is just hanging over Caleb’s shoulder now making unnecessary commentary  

I’m Kyle’s player, and somehow he keeps showing up in every campaign now? I made him to be unlikable and born to die, but my entire TTRPG group loves him so much that they won’t let him go.

everyone who reblogs this before new years gets, uh, bees

reblog now for bees

when someone forgets about the dnd session

TWITTER – INSTAGRAM

KNOW MORE OF YOUR HELLHOUNDS!

Do to popular interest, a follow up info-graph has been released for potential adopters seeking a companion for this life and the next! Remember, always keep your Hellhound on a void leash while walking and feed it only the best in premium Lost Souls.

Previous Hellhounds can be learned about here

I would like to extend a special thanks to @weremagnus for their expertise on the Goregi identification. 

TWITTER – INSTAGRAM

Part 2 can be found HERE

Hey everyone! With halloween just around the corner I just want to remind you that Hellhound adoption is not just a life long commitment, but after-lifelong commitment as well. Know your breeds!!

Secular Witch Wheel of the Year ideas

So you want to celebrate your own wheel of the year, but you are not Wiccan (or maybe not a Celtic Polytheist or Heathen Polytheist when it comes to the specific Celtic or Heathen holidays)?  Why not try making your own wheel of the year to celebrate nature or your own holidays?

Note:  It’s important that if you do this, you do not try to make your own holiday yet still call it by another name.  For instance: if you make a holiday around February 1st and give your own attributes to it, it’s important to not call it “Imbolc”.  Imbolc is a specific holiday with its own customs used to celebrate Brigid.  If you want to celebrate Imbolc, then celebrate Imbolc.  If you’re not celebrating Imbolc, don’t call it Imbolc.  Make sense?

Second Note: The solstice and equinox holidays will be named as such, and the cross quarter holidays will be referred to as “mid-x”. Note, this is a bit different than what you may be used to since the solstice holidays are sometimes referred to as such. Ex: summer solstice as “mid-summer”. For the purposes of this post, only the cross quarter days will be referred to in that way. Just fyi to avoid confusion. I’m referring to them as “mid” because they are in the middle of the season.

Now, onto the ideas:

⛤ Winter Solstice (Usually somewhere between Dec 20th-22nd): Celebrate family, holiday cheer, resolve any old issues you’ve had this year, look back on the year and what you have done. What have you learned?? You can also celebrate this as a time of new beginnings.  Since the sun is returning and the days will be growing longer: you can view this as your new year.  Make witchy resolutions, or any new year resolutions!! Celebrate winter festivities and the return of the sun

⛤ Mid-winter (Feb. 1st-2nd): I view this holiday as a time for purification.  Get rid of any bad habits.  Cleanse yourself and your house.  Do some spring cleaning. Celebrate the growing strength of the sun, and celebrate the coming spring as well!!

⛤ Spring Equinox (Typically between March 19th-21st): I view this time of year as a time for growth.  This corresponds with the growing signs of spring in the environment.  The days getting warmer, etc.  Take the time to do spells that correspond with your growth as witch or just as a human being.  This time is heavily associated with fertility. But this could be fertility of many things - talents, the mind, imagination, projects, etc! Try out new things, practice the things you love to do, etc. Maybe even grow a garden as well.  Remember the new years resolution you made at the Winter Solstice? Now would be the time to make sure you’re bringing the list to fruition! Also, celebrate spring festivities!

⛤ Mid-Spring (May 1st-2nd):  For me, this time of year is about life and love. Celebrate life by helping others around you: donate food, money, or your time. This holiday can be a time for charity and giving to others. I specifically view this time as a celebration of life and the living because the opposite cross quarter day would be Mid-Autumn (Halloween), which is a day to celebrate the dead. You can also spend this holiday appreciating the life of nature by spending time outside, building a bonfire, going for a walk, or tending/creating a garden. You can also celebrate this holiday as a holiday for love - spend time with your loved ones! Do something special for them. For other’s, this time of year may also correspond with sex as well. Oh, and celebrate the coming of summer time!!

⛤ Summer Solstice (Typically between June 20th-22nd):  For me, this is a time for power.  Celebrate your power and magic as a witch.  I personally believe this is the day of the year when the power of the earth is strongest.  Some view this time as a day when the veil between worlds thins. Especially in regards to the Fae. So you could take advantage of that. Also, celebrate summer!  Woohoo Summer!!! Spend your days at the pool, hanging out outside….or inside where there’s air conditioning. Whatever works for you.

⛤ Mid-Summer (August 1st-2nd): First harvest.  Time for feasting.  Reap what you have sown so far throughout the year.  I correspond this holiday with food - specifically grain. Celebrate the earth and the food that it provides you. Also, celebrate the coming of Fall!! (My favorite season of the year)

⛤ Autumn Equinox (Typically between Sept 21st-24th): Second Harvest. Witchy Thanksgiving.  List all the things you are thankful for, and celebrate them! Do some Autumn festivities, and celebrate Autumn (arguably the best time of the year ;)

⛤ Mid-Autumn/Halloween (October 31st-November 2nd): The final harvest. The opposite of Mid-Spring which celebrates life, Mid-Autumn celebrates the dead/our ancestors. Do something nice to remember those who have past. Also, celebrate the coming of winter!

Feel free to use my ideas for your celebrations :)

thank you!!!

I love this!!

You had me at Witchy Thanksgiving.

Hearing The Call to Adventure when you’re over 40.

There’s a seriously delightful conversation in one of the LARP fb groups about adventuring over 40. Many of us aren’t 20 anymore, and it seems silly to have our characters not be our own age (or close to it). But they’re still starting characters (as it’s a new campaign), which implies they chose this path recently.

That thread is mostly joking around, but I kind of love the idea of hearing The Call when you’re not a teenager, and starting your in-game adventuring life later as some kind of mid-life crisis, religious epiphany, empty nest reaction, etc. Which got me to some ficlets, and here’s the result.

—

“Well, your mother always wanted to be an adventurer - she was a hell of an archer when we were your age - but we got pregnant, and your grandmother needed some help, so we put that life off for a while. But now that you’re off at university, it seems like a good time to pick up the bow again, and go fight evil." 

—

“There was just something missing, y'know? I mean, I liked being a toymaker, but one day I realized - I really wanted to put on some plate mail, and go fight demons. So here I am, livin’ the dream." 

— 

“Sometimes, relationships don’t work out. She got the business, I get to start the life of adventure I’ve always wanted. Did you know I minored in alchemy? It’s good to get back into it again.”

—

“Your Aunt Maribel and I had always talked about doing this, when we were girls, but it just never seemed like the right time. But now that Uncle Haro has passed…Mari just wants to get out there and do it. I can’t let her go alone, can I? Someone has to watch her flank on the line, and remind her to keep her shield up.“

—

"What can I say? Sometimes you fall in love with a mage. When you do, you grab your hammer and you go where he goes. Someone has to keep cute Dukes from flirting with him. Back off, gentry! He’s all mine.” “Kevin, you’re being ridiculous. I’m not going to fall in love with some Duke.” “Whatever. I’m not taking any chances. It took me this long to find you, and I’m not letting you go without me.”

—

“I’m your Dad. If you’re going to go and fight evil, I’m going with you, ‘cause I support your choices.”

—

“Er…Mom’s heading off to check out some evil gate she heard about. Someone needs to go with her, ok? I squired for her last time, but I just can’t right now. It’s your turn. Make sure she does her exercises, ok? Her back is going to be horrid if she doesn’t.“ "Fine. I’ll handle the evil gate with Mom. But the next time she heads into the swamps to fight some lizard thing, you’re doing it. I freaking hate swamps.”

—

“His husband left him for an elf. He’s got some anger issues that he’s working through, ok? Better that he work through it on some bad guys.”

—

“What was that?” “Undead again.” “Oh, for the love of..look. They’re a freaking plague, and it’s getting worse. If we don’t want to keep dealing with this, we’re just going to have to go to the source.” “But….the carrots…!” “Hang the damned carrots. I’ll hire that nice boy down the street to take care of our field while we’re gone. Clean yourself up and grab your holy symbol. We’re not putting up with this for one more week.”

—

“Well, I always wanted to see the world. I got a small inheritance recently, and thought, why the heck not? No time like the present, right?”

—

“If that Sorcerer thinks he can just waltz in here and take over this town, he’s got another think coming!” “Doris, calm down. We’ll write to the King, and…” “I WILL NOT CALM DOWN. Sally, I swear, you drive me nuts sometimes.” “I’m just saying - there’s diplomatic solutions to this.” “The hell with diplomatic solutions! I WILL END HIM. ” “Fiiiiiine. Do it your way. End him with fire.” “Thank you!” *smooches* “Love you. Back when I’m back. He has NO IDEA who is coming for him.”

—

“What can I say? Adventuring pays the bills. I have a family to support, and turnip farming doesn’t make money like it used to.”

—

“Hey Phineas - for guys’ night, I have a thought. Rather than just going down to the pub like we usually do…I found a gate. No idea where it leads. Let’s go check it out. Could be fun, right?” “A gate?” “Yeah!” “This is a terrible idea. I’m in.”

—

“Um….well, this is awkward. You know that Goddess who spoke to me last spring?” “Oh yeah! Your whole conversion thing. Nice to see you found faith. It’s been good for you, I think.” “Well, she has something she wants me to take care of.” “What, like…a message delivered or something?” “Noooooooo?” “Seriously? You’re a florist. What does she want you to do?” “Well, now when I sing, things blow up. That’s good, right?” “This can’t end well.”

—

“We left for THREE WEEKS, and Barbarians razed our village. I swear, do I have to do everything myself? I JUST RE-DID THE ROOF, YOU JERKS.”

—

“He doesn’t think our family is good enough for him? I’ll show him who is good enough for him! My little girl is going to live in a castle, even if I have to conquer it myself!” “I’m sure he didn’t mean it that way.” “We’ll see what he has to say when I walk into Summertide with a demon’s head on a spike! Who’s good enough now, you two-bit merchant?!?”

—

“Your Aunt recently found out that Throgg the Destroyer is that brat she couldn’t stand at the Academy. She’s not taking it well, so we’re going to be off on a trip for a while…”

—

“So….funny story. You know that favor I owe the Countess? From like 20 years ago? She finally called it in. She remembered that I’m really good with Ancient Runes, and apparently there’s something she needs checked out.”

—

“I thought you said this adventuring thing was just a hobby, Brianna. Something we did on the weekends.” “Well, but…y'know…I really like it. I think I could be good at it. I’m getting better with the spear, you know?” “I don’t even know you anymore!” “Can’t you just be supportive?” “Well, but where does it end? First hobgoblins, now orcs…what’s next?” “I heard about this cursed tomb…” “Absolutely not. I draw the line at tombs. NO TOMBS.”

—

“I told you not to date that vampire. Didn’t I tell you? I told you!” “Let me live, Sergio.” “Let me unlive, you mean.” “Ok, that’s just rude.”

—

“Oh, sure - one good healing spell, and you think you can conquer the world.” “I can! I have the knees of a teenager again!”

—

“Grandpa, you’re embarrassing me.” “What, I can’t visit my grandson while he’s adventuring?” “Well, I love having you here, and everyone knows you’re a good healer, but…” “I’ll be fine. I like it here. I think I’ll stay.”

—

“C'mon, let’s do it. We’ve always wanted to.” “But…we don’t know what we’re doing.” “We do! We’ve each read The Book, what….15 times? I know you basically have it committed to memory.” “I don’t think 'To Catch a Rogue Lord’ was really meant as an instruction manual.” “C'mon…how hard can it be? You’ve seen the adventurers who come through here.” “Excellent point. I’ll get my herbs.”

—

“Honey? There’s a kid at the door. He says you’re the Chosen One.” “Arrrrgh. We talked about this! Come back later!” “He says the stars are aligned?” “Not doing it! Tell him to go away.” “Oh, and the seal broke. The seal broke, Stephen. It sounds important.” “But…” “I’ll pack you a lunch.”

“Call Sharon. She and her stupid birthmark are coming with me.” “I thought you said that translation of the prophecy was incorrect? Something about a miss-translation of verb.” “…well, at least if we fail, I won’t have to listen to Karl talking at Guild Meetings about how he was right.”

dungeons and dragons has become gay culture. like “blank is gay culture” is a meme right now but i don’t think i’ve seen a single gay person recently who isn’t ride or die for their tiefling.

Sometimes dudes with “anti-SJW” in their profile @ me on twitter to complain about my queer DnD tweets, and it just makes me put my queer little paws all over their shiny toy MORE.

vicious mockery is my favorite spell in dungeons and dragons because like

A) it does decent damage

B) it’s a cantrip

so canonically, a talented musician can murder commonfolk by hurling a single insult at them (average damage at 17+ level is 10, max 16.). imagine a chaotic evil bard who becomes a serial killer and the local guards are afraid to pursue him because you might go up and say “you’re under arrest” but then he just retorts ‘your mom is under arrest” and you fucking die on the spot

that same musician, if he can manage to successfully insult the world’s most fearsome ancient dragon 55 times without dying first… it dies. a process which would still take only about 11 minutes (assuming the bard has a spell DC of 19, meaning the dragon would fail about 50% of the saves.)

this story’s so old I have to tell it in sepia-tone

The unfinished 10 minute Act 8 cinematic in it’s entirety.

Please read the description for what happens in this flash on MSPFA, as it takes place somewhat after where the comic officially left off.

*Gets all misty-eyed*

It would have been cool to take Act 8 to its intended conclusion, but I made so many good friends over the life of the project that, despite the difficulties, I am grateful for being part of it at all.

Easter baskets, ice toys, and giant eggs! #easter #ᴇᴀsᴛᴇʀᴇɢɢs #riverotters #northamericanriverotter #otters #riverotter #enrichment