FISHY BUSINESS

I've always disliked the "I Am No Man" moment in Peter Jackson's Return of the King because it fails to capture the fact that when the Witch King threatens Eowyn with horrific unimaginable torment, she responds by making him soil his ghostly britches.

what just happened?

Why the hell did I start laughing half way through this?

What is life

O____o what the fuck

… I—

sometimes there’s a lot of things wrong with tumblr

u ok internet

this is kind of really fucking terrifying

OMFG WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS THIS SHIT

IS THERE ANY FCUKING WAY TO GET AUDIO CLIPS FROM TUMBLR ON MY PHONE. ACTUALLY. IM BROKE AND I WANT TO FALL ASLEEP TO THIS

I. What. A pickle shifts uneasily.

SO THIS IS WHAT THAT DAMN PHRASE IS FROM

AHHHHHHH

…I don’t think I’ll be eating any hamburgers for a while.

OMG KALINDA YOUR FACE

IS STILL THERE

THEY CUT OUT EVERYTHING PRIOR BUT THEY KEPT YOUR FACE

PLEASE handle this relic with CARE, tumblr users. Wear nitrite gloves and only take it out of its case in a climate controlled environment.

staring contest

just found this picture from an assignment i did last year

Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later

Tumblr really be like "Wow, it was fucked up that we spent years shitting on asexuals and bisexuals and non-binary people for having completely innocent and harmless traits. It turns out we had it all wrong, and we shouldn't have treated them like pariahs. Isn't that crazy how that happened? Anyways, I fucking hate transgender men and bisexual lesbians and plural systems and I think they should all shut up and stop whining about their supposed 'oppression'. I am very smart and woke."

just asked my professor if he wants to feature on a song LMFAO

he said yes

this man is twisted. Sick .

I love speed runners

to those asking: welcome to restaurant%, where you help ganondorf rebuild his life as a humble restaurant owner by building a restaurant around him as fast as possible without getting murked

I saw this video the other day! If it’s not immediately obvious, the “booth” is made out of indestructible parts, and enclosing Ganon in them breaks his AI so he no longer attacks.

This is genuinely the best speedrun challenge I've ever seen. I will think of nothing else for weeks, probably.

I hate cooking. Made some pork curry that my partner really liked but I thought was just okay (them getting seconds kind of made me feel better. I guess). Attempting baked apples rn. If I fuck this up too I'm going to set myself aflame

Partner keeps being like "It is very hard to mess this up" displaying a shocking ignorance about where my skills lie despite nearly a decade of dating. You cannot imagine the sheer raw talent I have re: finding a way to fuck up in the kitchen

I think I posted on Tumblr a few years ago when I accidentally melted a pot trying to make instant ramen (I forgor) and, in a panic, poured molten metal down the kitchen sink, causing hundreds of dollars worth of damage. The plumber looked baffled when I was like. I was tryna make noodles

Good times. I should check on those baked apples

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN

A lot of people have asked me this and again, they radically underestimate my unparalleled talent at fucking up even the most rudimentary kitchen tasks

Designs are open for claims, dm if interested!

favorite tag ive ever received on this blog

The double flan emojis make the identity theft scam just a little more enticing.

ok but give me one good reason why you wouldn’t date Kermit the frog besides that he is a puppet and a frog

“miss piggy would make it look like an accident”

This keeps going past on my dash and I can’t let it go any longer. It’s time to see the record straight.

Miss Piggy doesn’t have a subtle bone in her floppy felt body. There is no possible way she could ever make it look like an accident.

Miss Piggy would make you into an example.

I love visiting people who have some kind of pet reptile because they're always like "would you like to hold the reptile" and I'm like "of course I would" and then the rest of the conversation happens with me just holding a random reptile and the reptile Has No Feelings about the situation. They always just sit there, probably vaguely wishing to return to their heat lamp but clearly exuding an energy of This Might As Well Happen. and then I put it back in its enclosure and go home and the reptile very clearly has no strong feelings about the situation.

Like I know reptiles can have strong bonds with the people they live with but I cannot emphasise just how neutral they always are to the existence of me, Random Human In The House For Some Reason.