Welcome To Gay Hockey Hell

interviewer: so, jack, what was your first big purchase after you joined the falconers? a car? vacation? 

jack, thinking about how the day after his contract was finalized he accepted a $700 venmo request from shitty with the comment “fee for making me watch a documentary on the franco-prussian war”: i got a new watch

Happy Black History Month!

I made a quiz for my friends so I can make them gifts through out the year but now that theyve taken it might be fun for yall to take it too lol. Find out which Greek goddess you are

Wicky didn't know why he was so bored. He absolutely knew he could be doing homework but he couldn't concentrate on it and he was just so. Bored.

There was also the fact he got distracted on the ice and missed getting that pass.

Jack had chewed him out majorly for that.

He also forgot to do his laundry like. Four days in a row.

Oops.

It was Ransom who asked if he had ADHD.

"uh. What's that?"

Ransom had him talk to the coaches.

Coach Murray was laughing as Coach Hall sighed, but suggested he talk to a doctor or therapist or something.

Well, one of them got him tested and apparently he has ADHD.

And then he was prescribed Adderall.

He finished his homework the same day, did his laundry, and he actually was focused on the game that night.

Holy shit.

Didn't explain Coach Hall hitting his head on the desk that night after the game, though.

(Coach Hall was exactly like Wicky as a teenager and he's crying over having to go through what his own coach did/said he hoped he went through as a coach.)

I feel in my heart of hearts that jack and parse did each other dirty back in the day. both of then were stupid emotionally immature teenagers. and parse already got his ass whooped by the narrative. so maybe jack can be slow basal-level tortured by his worstie ex hooking up with his bestie teammate

levels of third wheeling not previously thought scientifically possible

Ollie and Wicky eloped.

Everyone feels offended and they think maybe the others got invited but the truth was nobody did.

They eloped winter break junior year, but everyone thinks they got married after graduating.

Until Bitty is stressing out planning his and Jack's wedding and Ollie is like "this is why we eloped junior year" and Bitty freezes and stares at him.

"Junior year?"

"yeah. My student visa was expiring for the year and we had plans to get married anyways, so Pace' suggested eloping earlier than planned so I could get a green card. Fuck, Tango was literally the only one there as our witness and to tell immigration "yeah they genuinely love each other, it's kinda gross how in love they are with the PDAs" so. We never had a real ceremony, just did paperwork for it. It helped that we were broke college students who had been dating since our freshman year."

Bitty is floored.

He texts the others asking if they knew.

They are all HORRIFIED to know they've been thinking the worst of Ollie and Wicky when the only person who went was the freshman that was the honest and genuine tadpole that Wicky pretty much adopted, and probably because there was no way immigration would not believe the kid.

Bitty hesitantly asks if they'd want a ceremony, and Ollie shrugs.

"it's not a big deal to me overall. I think it'd be nice, but I don't need one. I think Pacer would like it though, but his family is also kinda fucked up so I don't know for sure how he'd feel about it. I've offered though. He said no."

Bitty asks Tango.

"He and his cousin planned their weddings when they were eight, Bitty. He wants a ceremony. He doesn't need one, he knows that, but he wants one, he just doesn't want Ollie to think it's something he needs to do to like, prove they love each other or something. It's from the fucked up childhood. His mom was kinda stupid. Said weddings were proof that they love each other. So Wicky says no when Ollie offers 'cause he remembers that and doesn't want Ollie to feel like he has to do it as proof, because he already knows Ollie loves him. It's stupid. People are stupid. Why are people so stupid?"

"Good Lord, that's the million dollar question, Tango."

And so he talks things out with Tango.

Tango gets in touch with Wicky's cousin.

She gives him the old baby wedding planner they did as kids, and the one Wicky had started when he and Ollie first made plans to get married after graduation (the baby one was for cute little laughs at what 8 year old Wicky wanted, it wasn't actually what Tango asked her for. Nobody is complaining).

She sits Ollie down. Tells him what their moms told them as kids, and that Wicky will never tell him he wants a ceremony because of it, and especially since they're already married.

So Ollie has to finish planning things. They can have the ceremony on the day they actually got married ("Make it romantic! He'll love it!") And it can be in their backyard, even ("where doesn't matter, so long as the people you both care about are there!").

SMH is invited, that much is clear.

Bitty is Ollie's best man, Tango is Wicky's, because Ollie knows Wicky wouldn't want anyone else there unless it's Johnson (which is true).

But Johnson is allowed to wed people legally, they have no idea why, but he can, and Ollie knows Wicky would LOVE that.

The ceremony really is in the backyard, and it's covered in snow, and Wicky comes home from work to their friends and families over and holy shit Ollie did all of this?!

And his dad just grins, gives him the suit he got married in, and his own father got married in, and his father had married in, and Wicky is crying by the time he's standing with Ollie at the end of the aisle, with Tango as his best man, and Johnson is the one marrying them.

He whispers thank you before Johnson starts talking.

It's absolutely everything he could have wanted for their wedding.

I queued this like 8 months ago I’ve waited a long time for this moment

they’re lounging together at their place when bitty, from the couch, gasps and realizes that he hasn’t put his spotify on private since samwell and all of his ~sexy~ playlists are creatively labelled

alternatively: he’s got a playlist called “hat trick celly 😌” and you could imagine it’s this fun celebration pop music but it is, in fact, very explicit sensual songs 

one of them is just called “mr zimmermann 😤”

Inspired by this post

at the wedding something goes wrong and someone who was helping to organize comes up to jack all frantic like "have you seen eric?? we need him-"

and jack is like "oh? who the fuck is eric no I haven't I'll ask around for him"

and jack just doesn't think about it until he comes across bitty like fifteen minutes later and looks the man he just married using his full name in the eyes and says "hey by the way have you seen-"

and then it's just buffering

"oh I think I messed up"

at what point do we start calling nursey and dex canonically queer

several months ago, i think

a couple of years ago, maybe

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACK LAURENT ZIMMERMANN 🎉🎂🎊🎈🎁💖

"The incredibly annoying guy in front of me with the staring problem".

Happy Birthday, Jack!