warm welcome

it hadn’t really been too much of a surprise to him when they’d announced that per_se would have a new addition. with how rap heavy some of their songs could get, it wasn’t as though haknyeon could carry them alone, so it made sense to him that they’d add another rapper. 

the other members, admittedly, weren’t quick to open up, and haknyeon understands that. truth be told, he’d been a little distant in the beginning as well, but haknyeon’s never been the kind of guy to stay that way for long. they were going to be a team, and teams had to work well together to succeed. the last thing he wants is for moonbok to feel out of place for simply being new, and simply being picked as the new addition. he’d attempted to get closer to moonbok, invited the boy to rap practice sessions and to have meals together, after all, it was the least he could do to give him a warmer welcome. 

he’d invited moonbok to practice a few verses with him in the practice room once again, claiming that synergy between the two rappers would be important. it’s when they take a short break does he walk towards his bag and pulls out a tangerine.

“hyung!” he says, turning to moonbok. “i remember you mentioned the tangerines before... so i asked my mum to send me some to share with you,” he says, taking a seat beside the older boy. he unpeels the tangerine for moonbok before offering it to the older boy, “here, for you,” he smiles. he takes a bite of his own tangerine and turns to look at moonbok. “is it hard?” he asks, voice gentle. “i know some of the other members haven’t quite open up yet,” he continues, “if they’re ever being too tough on you, you can come to me and i’ll scold them okay? give them some maknae fury,” he says jokingly, an attempt at lightening up the mood. “but really, they’re nice guys, i promise,” he smiles.

two of us

rkrxcky​:   

he’d simply made a little cameo, had said his name as a greeting, not expecting much. he’s on his way to the kitchen, to grab a snack, when ricky calls out his name. he thinks that maybe the older boy wanted him to grab a snack for him as well, but his next words caught him slightly off guard.

“oh? me?” he heads back to the room, and peeks his head through the side. “really?” he points to himself, blinking before walking towards ricky. he takes a seat beside the older boy, and notices the comments flooding in at a rapid rate –– he manages to catch a few of them, though he’d noticed a lot of “JUNJU!!!!!” in all caps. 

he allows himself to get comfortable and waves to the camera. “hi everyone! it’s junju!” making a heart he begins to read the comments. “yes ~ i already ate! i was on the way to grab more snacks actually,” he smiles. do a vlive too junju! “but i’m doing one right now aren’t i?” he laughs, before he remembers that he’d actually walked in on ricky’s. “ah, but i can do one later! lets watch yuchan hyung’s one right now!” he adds, turning to look at ricky.

he’d stood in the practice room, eyes wide as their coach spoke. “junju,” his name had been uttered and haknyeon could only look at him. “will no longer be per_se’s lead rapper.” what? what? what did that mean? he feels himself start to panic; were they shuffling members? did he do something? his eyebrows furrow and he feels like throwing up. “congratulations, you’ve been promoted to main rapper.” at that, he lets out the biggest sigh of relief, breath a little shaky. haknyeon had never quite thought of himself as immensely talented –– sure he could do things above average, but he’d always thought that there was room for improvement. he smiles as the coaches around him start to clap, and bows. “thank you,” he says, but there’s a sort of emptiness he feels, because that was once hugo’s place. and in truth, he still missed the older boy. though, with him taking on the role of main rapper... that meant somebody else would take on the role of lead rapper. ricky? “but that’s not the only announcement we’ll be making for today.”

but a boy walks into the practice room and immediately it clicks. the boy looks familiar and it had taken haknyeon a moment before he recognized him, someone that was once on the mgas with him –– a show from two years ago. the show that had gotten him to where he was, signed with nova and then a debut a year later. he nibbles on his top lip as he looks at the boy, silent. he wonders what the other members are thinking at this moment.  

a new member, that meant many things. he’s seen it happen to other groups before, but maybe a little too naively, he’d thought that it was something that would never happen to them. after all, they were formed on a survival show, right? it hadn’t been easy to get them together, to debut in what was now known as per_se.

it doesn’t feel quite real. at least, not yet. it had taken them a while to fully accept hugo’s departure, after all, he had played a huge role within per_se, not just as a rapper, but as a friend and someone that haknyeon knew he could count on. a part of him had thought that the company would perhaps give them a newer member, though he hadn’t thought that they’d do it so soon. that and his new position meant many things.

he looks at the boy and smiles, nodding his head as a greeting. this meant a new journey for per_se, and a new journey for junju. “nice to meet you,” he says, nodding his head once more. “welcome to per_se.”

aftermath

it’d be a lie to say that things hadn’t changed between the two of them after jungwoo’s sudden confession. haknyeon, in all honesty, still feels terrible for the way he’d handled it; telling jungwoo that he couldn’t quite support his friend, when a part of him was aware that perhaps that was what jungwoo needed the most at that moment. but haknyeon was never a liar, or at least, he could never really lie to jungwoo. he was aware that when he spoke his truth, it probably wasn’t something that jungwoo wanted to hear, and would’ve perhaps put a dent into their relationship.

amongst that and them suddenly being thrown a new member, and haknyeon a new role in the group, he hasn’t been able to focus on much. he treats jungwoo like he normally would in moments where he forgets what had happened, but it’s different when he catches jungwoo looking at ricky for a moment too long. he wants to tell jungwoo that it’s silly of him to throw all his years of training and debut away for falling in love with a member, but he doesn’t of course. falling in love, is all the same, but it’s much different than the situation he and the other members are in; they aren’t in the same group, won’t constantly be seeing one another –– and if anything were to happen (a break up, a fight, anything really), it wouldn’t potentially have lingering effects on their group dynamics. he wants to support jungwoo, really, but he doesn’t know how to with so many of these worries. the most he can do for jungwoo, he thinks, is give him a pat on the back, and maybe for the sake of their friendship, let jungwoo deal with his career on his own. 

they’re both alone in the practice room, perhaps the first time they’ve actually been alone since the incident. haknyeon’s staring at his reflection, sweat dripping down his forehead after having practiced his dancing when he turns to jungwoo. something should be said, maybe to clear the air. haknyeon doesn’t like how rigid their relationship has been feeling, and he knows that it’s his fault for speaking so honestly and being unable to give jungwoo support. “i’m sorry,” he says, “if i ... no,” he shakes his head, this isn’t how a proper apology should go. “i hurt your feelings when i spoke the other day, i was being too insensitive with my words. i’m sorry.” he bites on his lip, maybe he could’ve ended his apology there, but something digs at him to continue. “i was worried about you, and your career. but i realize, it’s not my place. you’re smart enough to take care of yourself.”

two of us

if haknyeon’s being honest, their schedule so far isn’t exactly jam packed. it’s still kind of odd to him, how some months there’s no time to do anything, and others, it felt like there was too much time. haknyeon had personally found himself going on vlives more often, and interacting with fans through sns more. that aside, with his newer role of main rapper, he’d spent a good amount of his free time still in the practice room, working on refining his skills.

though for today he’s hanging around the dorms, and the thought of going on vlive crosses his mind, only for him to find out that ricky’s already on. he blinks and turns to look around the dorm, briefly remembering that ricky’s there as well. in his haknyeon-like fashion, he walks towards the older boy’s room and pops his head through the door.

“hyung? you’re on vlive?” he says cheerfully, smile bright. “hi everyone! it’s junju!” he beams, waving (though he’s not sure if the camera catches this, or just his voice), before he waves to ricky and heads back to his room. he doesn’t want to intrude, maybe he’ll hold a vlive of his own later, but for now he knows that ricky’s already online.

( –– @rkharu )

@rkharu:  

junjustagram: haru let’s go on a date too when you’re free 😳 !!! treat me to delicious food 🥰

truth

jungwoork​:  

had this been a different, had they not been idols in the same group –– if they were classmates, colleagues, pals from college, haknyeon would’ve done all he could to support jungwoo. because he found that support was important, that it would give the other party reassurance, and he wanted to be a pillar for his friends. but they weren’t and those feelings had implications, much worse than what one could imagine. he wants to tell jungwoo that he’s risking not just his years in nova, but ricky’s too. that no, he’s risking the whole group all because he can’t control his feelings. but haknyeon understands that feelings aren’t something you can control, though he would’ve hoped that there would’ve been more restraint.

this isn’t a great feeling. his immediate thought if anything goes south is what would happen to the group, because despite being as optimistic as he may seem, he’s aware that he has to be realistic. jungwoo explains himself, says that he’s already told ricky and the fear grows. “you told him already,” is all haknyeon replies with, and he doesn’t know what to else there actually is to say because the words that are barely edging across his lips aren’t words that he’d want to relay to a friend.

his eyes wander off slowly to the staff. they’re all too busy discussing things to take notice of the two boys, probably assuming that they were having just another conversation –– a lighthearted one, perhaps. “i like having you on this team. and ricky hyung too,” he says, but his words carry layers to them that maybe only the two would understand. i like having you both on the team, if you screw up, you’ll have to leave. “i can’t support you this time.” he doesn’t accept jungwoo’s apology, instead leaves it hanging in the air. a moment passes and haknyeon doesn’t look at jungwoo. he’s not too sure how he’ll be able to. because if he does jungwoo could easily tell just how much he disapproves of this, and he doesn’t want to be the person to break jungwoo’s heart.

instead, he takes in a deep breath. “let’s do well on the recording hyung,” and it isn’t like haknyeon to be dismissive of his friend’s feelings, especially about something as heavy as this. but the more they delve on it, the more he’ll show his disapproval, the more he thinks he’ll hurt jungwoo. he thinks he’s said enough.

initially he had planned to write a long and cheesy instagram post. yet that didn’t seem like enough to convey his gratitude to the fans –– words were powerful, but he’s sure that they’d probably at least like to see his face. now that their promotions are over, they don’t exactly have a schedule packed for the month to actually meet their fans, and haknyeon thinks it’s about time he’s started doing more vlives. 

he takes a moment to think about what to title it, but settles on something simple and straightforward. “1 year!! ily!!!” he smiles and clicks start. it’s much different than an instagram live, because the hearts begin pouring in and haknyeon stares into the camera for a good few seconds, unknowing if anyone’s gonna watch. but they do and he smiles as he looks at the numbers increasing. he begins to read the comments.

old faces

if he’s being completely honest, he’s still reeling in from the losing a member. he knows it’s ‘show biz’ and that they aren’t the only group to have gone through this, but that doesn’t make things any much easier. haknyeon would like to think that the members of per_se have created a special bond, that they were more than just in it for the business, that there were layers to this team.

he sits by the practice room and stares at the article. it’s out; and now everyone knows that they’ve lost a member. he understands that hugo had to leave, yet he’d be lying if he said he wished he didn’t. it’s the few words at the end of the article that capture his attention. 

confusion is what he feels. had he read it wrong? immediately he turns to ricky and passes the older boy his phone. “hyung,” he says, and he points to the article he’d been reading. “did you see this? it’s an article about hugo hyung leaving. but... at the end,” he furrows his brows, “it said that nova isn’t commenting on whether or not we’ll be adding a new member... even though sphere has.”

and this isn’t something unheard of –– nova doing something without telling the members. after all, haknyeon had only learnt of his stage name the day his teasers were released. “do you think they’ll add a new member?” he asks, voice softer.

different

nobody had seen it coming. at least, that’s what he thinks. the announcement had come as a surprise for the team, and he’s sure he’s not the only one broken hearted, he’s sure the members share the same sentiment. they’d all gotten along well, almost like a family, so it hurt to see one of them leave.

he walks into his shared bedroom with hui, soft sigh leaving his lips. they have to move on though it wasn’t exactly easy. usually he’d make his way straight towards his bed, and then bombard hui with random ramblings of the day, or share with him funny things he’d found on the internet regarding them. but this time, he walks towards hui’s bed and sits at the edge of the older boy’s bed.

his towel is wrapped around his neck as he turns to face the leader. “hyung,” he says, “i still can’t quite believe it. it feels emptier without him here,” he bites at his lower lip. but as hard as it is for haknyeon, now having to take on the role of the other rapper, he’s sure it isn’t easy for the leader as well. he reaches out to give hui’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “are you doing alright hyung?” he asks, voice soft and laced with concern.

truth

jungwoork​:   

he may never have been the best in school. his grades, weren’t exactly something you’d brag about, but for what he lacked academically, he probably made up with how perceptive he could be. though he’d hoped that he was wrong in this case, that this mysterious person jungwoo liked was someone out of their circle, just so there’d be no overlap career-wise and well, in general.

though he needed to know, to perhaps put these suspicions to rest. the question is asked and even before jungwoo replies, haknyeon already has his answer from the older boy’s facial expression. his own eyes widen, and the smile that he’d donned so often, one of comfort and understanding eases away as his own expression changes.

he blinks as he attempts to piece it together. almost everyone in the group had a significant other, except for... jungwoo and yuchan. this in itself answered his next question –– who. his mouth opens momentarily, as if to speak, but the words don’t leave his lips because he’s not too sure what to say. he’d always been someone positive, someone who’d attempt to be supportive. but he wasn’t quite sure how to take this. “it’s ricky hyung,” he says, voice soft. this is terrible, is the first thing to pop into his mind, but he can’t say that out loud, not in front of jungwoo. though he wonders if it shows on his face, just how torn he is about it. “i really hoped it wasn’t true,” he says instead, and he forces himself to laugh, but it’s brief and he can’t keep up the smile for long.

the implications this would have on the group; what if the both of them got into a couple’s argument? what if they broke up? where would that leave the group? it wasn’t as though they could simply side with one member and ignore another. that wasn’t how it worked. they were a group, a group of people that worked together. his mind is reeling but none of these words leave his lips. because none of it are as supportive as he’d liked them to be. but haknyeon isn’t a liar, and he can’t tell jungwoo that he’s happy for him; not like this. 

instead, he nods his head and looks away. “i see,” is all that he says. “you can’t help who you like,” that much is true, haknyeon is aware of that. and yet, at moments like these he’d hoped that jungwoo could. “this might not end well. you know that... right?” and his tone isn’t accusatory, if anything it’s filled with worry, he wonders if jungwoo actually knows what this means, what it could do to both his and yuchan’s career.

truth

their schedules slowly begin to get a little more and more packed with variety shows, and etc, as they ease themselves into the industry. something that haknyeon is thankful for –– it’s always great to have something to do. the more schedules, the better, really. and it’s actually been a while since he’s last had a schedule alone with jungwoo. or this might actually be their first schedule together as a duo without the other members.

haknyeon thinks of jungwoo as one of his closest friends, a best friend, even. they were both pretty similar in age and he found himself easily going along with whatever jungwoo did, and sharing whatever concerns he had with the other. still, with more schedules came the lack of time for the both of them to truly sit down and simply just... talk things out. it wasn’t as though there was anything between them that needed fixing ( at least, haknyeon didn’t think so ); but the last time he’d spoken seriously to jungwoo, the older boy had professed his attraction towards another man ( man, still unknown to haknyeon ). and whilst haknyeon was nosy in his own right, he didn’t exactly want to push jungwoo for answers. even though he really wanted to know. 

ever so curious, he’d spent the last few weeks watching jungwoo. his eyes always trailing the older boy and his gaze in an attempt to figure out who exactly had caught his heart. from the little deduction that he’d made, haknyeon was sure that it was either a) a staff member or b) his worst fear –– a member. and through his sort of discreet observations, he was worried that perhaps it had been option b all along.

there was perhaps no better time to confirm his suspicions than now, seated in the waiting room before filming began. “hyung,” he says, turning to look at the older boy. “there’s something i’ve been meaning to ask you,” there isn’t really any smooth way to ask this, and haknyeon doesn’t think that there need be any, really.  “remember the last time we spoke... when you told me about... someone you liked,” his voice is soft, so as to not attract the attention of anyone around them. thankfully, the staff seem pre-occupied with something else altogether. “i might just be overthinking this,” he shrugs, and he really does hope he’s wrong, “but it’s a member, isn’t it?”