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ok I messaged the organiser to really awkwardly ask if that girl was still attending. This is a very secondary school bitchy move and I do feel bad about the awkward position it puts her in, but that was the only thing I could think of to find out if I can go back to not 😔

I miss going to the Sunday Ace/Aro brunch, I haven't been since Nov because there's one girl who goes every week who is a zionist and I didn't want to hang out with her :(

Like she said a few shady things that were red flags but in between each week I would be making excuses for her in my head like, maybe I interpreted that wrong, because she would never say anything that was outright zionist, it would always be denyable things. For example she said she felt her heart start to race and her throat close up in fear when she saw people on the street wearing Kefiyahs, then followed it up with 'because there have been a lot of antisemetic attacks lately' which honestly is true, there have been, but that doesn't really equate to fear at seeing middle eastern head wraps

Or like she kept talking about how she was very proud to be Jewish, which is great, but in a context that it was implied that being Jewish = being Israeli?

Anyway it was ALWAYS stuff that she couldn't be called out for but that when put together gave the impression that she was pro-Israel, and she also was against the protests for some reason??

So each week I would be like, maybe I am coming at this from a judgemental point of view, maybe I've got her wrong, maybe I'm being a bitch

However one week people started actually talking about Palestine at the table and she went on a long talk about the Israeli hostages and being anti-Hamas, AGAIN in a way that you can't exactly talk against but which had a very clear implication of being pro-Israel. And she was talking in the way of someone who is very good at debating and was arguing eloquently against every point, but the thing is imo it doesn't really matter if you can argue well and phrase things in a way that looks good if you are defending genocide, so.

After that week I just couldn't keep trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and the idea of hanging out with her again felt so awful, but I knew I couldn't argue because 1) we had already done that and it did nothing, and 2) I am so extremely bad at arguing or debating, and she is extremely good at it, so that would be more of a hindrance than anything, and 3) you can tell that talking things over is not going to make any difference to her mindset

But the alternative would be hanging out with a zionist without calling them out, which I can't in good conscience do, so I decided I just can't participate in that anymore and haven't gone back :(

I really miss all my friends there though and I really want to see them again!! I saw a couple of them at the last ace/aro drag show, but that's just ONCE since Nov! I miss them a lot :(

lmaooooo also two of the people I met at the bar last night invited me to play fortnite with them so I guess I have become a Teenager now

AAAA the liveshow was SO good!!!

Each cast member rolled to see which of their past characters they would be playing (main cast shows only) so we ended up with:

omg sorry. I'm catching up on the last 2 eps of D20 and it's SO funny to me how in season 2 they were trying to find an anagram of Garthy O'Brien and came up with "that ALMOST spells n-night.. yorb?"

And now in the last stand they get a piece of paper saying 'bony girth' and IMMEDIATELY announce "it's an anagram for Garthy O'Brien!" when in actuality this one actually DID spell Night Yorb alkjflsdkjhflks

By the way D20 liveshow tomorrow!!!! I am so excited!!!!