Avengers 4 but it’s me finding out that Thanos killed Harry Styles when he wiped out half the universe so I take that big grape down with my own two hands

You promised us a war, then you’re onstage looking like Buddy Holly sucking up to the Northside.

bruh…

Wait, if their names are puns on their power, then Violet is ultraviolet which is invisible to the human eye.

SHUT UP.

13 years

Y'all are gonna flip your shit when i tell you about Dash

REBLOG IF

Your ask box is 24/7 available for those who feel sad or need a friendly advice

when u wake up at 3am and forgot to put ur water on ur nightstand

There are so many better possible uses of this image

then post them urself does it look like i have time to be the sole provider of this meme?

@mlmpeter

What’s happening on Twitter? 😂

https://twitter.com/smashmouth/status/992478669435060224?s=19

Love smash mouth

What’s going on this year

What is happening? 😂

LMAO He just said he does

https://twitter.com/TheRock/status/588913900789309440?s=19

LMAO reblogging again because of 5he sass from dictionary.com 😂😂

Y'all know when you get wrecked by the damn dictionary you’re a fool

So that’s why they called the smash mouth

I had to pee really bad and o forgot that I had just sliced jalapeño peppers and the chef is looking nice at me weird because I’m pouring milk on a rag and running to the bathroom

My dick has been on fire for over an hour

I told my chef what happened and he was like “you only make that mistake about fourteen times”

He tells me this story about this time he had gotten out of a chili class in which he had been cutting habenjero peppers all class and he goes back to his dorm and starts finger blasting his girlfriend and she stars SCREECHING.

She he fukin SPRINTS to the dorm prep kitchen and gets a gallon of heavy cream and runs back to the room. He starts pouring this shit all over her Cooze right, and she’s like shoveling cream into her hole. And he’s freaking out. Like he’s so sure that this chick is don’t with him forever.

So they deal with this thing and the cream works and he’s like massaging it into her pussy for like a half an hour because you have to constantly soak it to nullify the habenjero oils or whatever. And she gets INTO IT.

She fucking CUMS

And my chef tells me this stupid ass story and looks me in the eye and says to me

“Nothing says I love you like a gallon of heavy cream in her pussy”

And I think that’s the best sentence I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

Yes good story but WHY IS IT IN LIKE 8 DIFFERENT PARTS DO YOU KNOW WHAT PARAGRAPHS ARE.

ITS THIS. YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE AT WORK AND CANT POST EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME FUCK OFF

its serialized. he’s a modern day dickens

This post went places.

jordan’s instagram favs pictures ♡

I don’t hang out with white dudes who use mustache wax anymore bc it’s only a matter of time b4 they fall in love with me and find out I’m gay and write a song on their…idk..their fuckin harpsichord or banjo or ukulele about the girl from the forest who broke their heart but also they don’t even like hiking

i know this seems oddly specific & that’s bc it is

3 times

Let’s all take a moment and thank biology that our internal organs don’t itch.

Fun fact: digestion is actually really painful but your brain just tells you it’s fine the same way it tells you not to bite off your fingure even though you can

that’s… frustrating

you might like getting choked but sea turtles don’t so keep your FUCKIN plastic out of the ocean.

Remember when Brooklyn 99 predicted its own future?

#saveb99

UPDATE: