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KaminaDuck

@kaminaduck / kaminaduck.tumblr.com

IT person, vocalist, NaNo writer, memorizer of scripts, clueless gamer, Twitch streamer, proficient in standing in stupid and eating pixels. He/Him Find me live at twitch.tv/kaminaduck
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Are there any cards that portray ducks? I couldn’t find any. 🦆

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It’s a playtest card, and not quite a duck:

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At DragonCon 2022 my husband, @kaminaduck who loves ducks, and I did a mystery booster draft. My first matchup had pulled this card and wasn't running it. I told him I would trade him anything I had on me for that card and he was kind enough to just give it to me. So I got to surprise my husband with it. He keeps it sleeved in his kit with all his tokens and sleeves as a good luck charm when we go to events.

I'm hoping for ducks in Bloomburrow, but most of all I would love to one day have a flamingo card.

Let me tell you, the amount of dancing I did when @littlethingwithfeathers surprised me with this was comical. People were turning heads to see what happened. And it was just a guy dressed as Ted Lasso jumping for joy.

You know how someone has that one card that they sign when they meet people? This would be mine if I was a big enough MTG content creator.

But we also need a flamingo card.

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The Contract

CONTRACT OF EMPLOYMENT

The following contract is made between and entered into by The Helldivers Division of the Super Earth Armed Forces (hereby referred to as "the Enlister") and the individual who has successfully completed their preliminary Helldiver training as set forth in Exhibit A of the Super Earth Armed Forces Recruitment and Retention Manual part 27/B-10264 (hereby referred to as "the Enlisted"). The following contract is entered into willingly, and the Enlisted confirms that they have authority to enter into such an agreement at this time, being of sound mind and body, of legal age, and of Citizenship Grade E or above.

1 SERVICES

1.1 The Enlisted shall perform the Services outlined in Appendix A in accordance with the operational directives identified by (i) Super Earth High Command (ii) the President of Super Earth (iii) the Democratic Council of Super Earth (iv) accredited employees of the Ministries of Super Earth (v) accredited representatives of the parties aforementioned in clauses 1.1.i - 1.1.v, (vi) accredited representatives of those representatives (hereby referred to as "the Authorized Command Structure"). The Authorized Command Structure may, at any point, with no prior notice, make amendments to the schedule of services outlined in Appendix A. A copy of Appendix A may, if required, be obtained by the Enlisted through contacting the relevant authorities in the SEAF Administrative Corps, with a hard copy of the Appendix to be delivered to the requesting Enlisted within 5-10 business years.

1.2 The Services performed by the Enlisted for the Enlister shall include, but are not limited to active combat operations (which may include, but shall not be limited to raids, deployments, invasions, sorties, forays, assaults, blitzes, incursions, onslaughts, liberations, razings, flattenings, and nukings), non-combat operations (which may include but shall not be limited to parades, interviews, signings and appearances, executions (both summary and otherwise), interplanetary transportation, including the escort of civilian or Democratic vessels, and any activities deemed necessary in the pursuit of the aims identified by (i) The Enlister, and (ii) The Authorized Command Structure. In order to enable full and complete enactment of these Services, the Enlisted is hereby authorized to employ lethal force, non-lethal force, non-lethal non-force, and lethal non-force, to be employed at the discretion of the Enlisted. The Enlisted may not subcontract in whole or in part any of the duties requested of them by the Enlister.

1.3 The Services shall be performed by the Enlisted at locations identified by (i) The Enlister (ii) The Authorized Command Structure. In order to enable the completion of the Services in an efficient and timely manner, the Enlisted will be entrusted with the command of a Class 6 "Super Destroyer" Series Crewed Interplanetary Combat Vessel (hereby referred to as "The Super Destroyer") Upon the Termination of the Contract of the Enlisted (refer to Section 5, TERMINATION), command of this Super Destroyer will be transferred to the next eligible Enlisted in the order designated by (i) the serving Ship Master, (ii) The Enlister, (iii) the Authorized Command Structure, (iv) Accredited representatives of the parties listed in clauses 1.3.i - 1.3.iii. The heirs, successors, and assigns of The Enlisted have no right, claim or interest in the ownership or command of the Super Destroyer. Should the actions of the Enlisted result in loss, damages, or impediments to the Super Destroyer, requiring ameliorative or restorative action, the cost of such repairs shall be subtracted from the Martyrdom Payment due to the heirs or successors of the Enlisted (refer to Section 2 COMPENSATION).

1.4 The Enlisted will be responsible for the purchasing, maintenance, replacement, and improvement of the equipment used for the provision of services. If the contract of the Enlisted is terminated due to the conditions outlined in Clause 5.1 (absence of pulse), the equipment purchased, maintained, replaced, and improved by the Enlisted shall stay with Destroyer, and shall be made available to the next Helldiver to command the vessel.

2 REMUNERATION

2.1 For the performance of the services outlined within the schedule set forth in Appendix A, the Helldiver shall receive monetary compensation for the services rendered. The compensation shall vary in line with the services performed. The Enlister reserves the right to, at any time and with no prior notice, make amendments to the schedule of payments.

2.2 The Enlister acknowledges that the position of the Enlisted ("Helldiver") is classified by the Super Earth Ministry of Employment as an "Exceptionally Patriotic Duty". Accordingly, upon commencement of the delivery of services, the immediate family members of the Enlisted (defined as parents, siblings, heirs, and successors) shall receive 4.5 citizenship points, to be allocated at the recipients’ discretion. This compensation shall be non-transferable, and may not be exchanged for a cash equivalent.

2.3 In the event of the non-continuation of the 'alive' status of the Enlisted in the course of the rendition of services, a Martyrdom Payment shall be made to the immediate family members of the Enlisted (defined as parents, siblings, heirs, and successors) minus any dispensations outlined in Section 1.3.

3 CONFIDENTIALITY AND CLASSIFIED MATERIALS

3.1 In the course of the rendition of services, the Enlisted is likely to become exposed to information of strategic importance (including but not limited to maps, mission briefings, internal procedural documentation, details of products, prices, and seasonal discounts). The Enlister and Enlisted agree that any and all privileged information (collectively "CLASSIFIED MATERIALS") viewed by the Enlisted (i) shall be maintained in the strictest secrecy by the Enlisted, with all reasonable efforts made to avoid the transfer, leakage, dissemination, publication, conveyance, and/or seepage of Classified Materials, and (ii) shall be provided in formats which are traceable to the Enlisted in the event of transfer, leakage, dissemination, publication, conveyance, and/or seepage. The Enlisted agrees to return any and all data, documents, directories, manuals, maps, and notes pertaining to “CLASSIFIED MATERIALS” upon (i) termination of this contract, (ii) request by the Enlister.

3.2 Any information made known to the Enlisted outside of operational parameters which is not considered customarily known to the general citizenry and/or which was not known to the Enlisted prior to the commencement of this agreement shall, for the purposes of clarity, be considered "CONTROLLED CLASSIFIED MATERIALS". For the access of "CONTROLLED CLASSIFIED MATERIALS" explicit, advance written consent must be obtained by the Enlisted.

3.3 To read these terms and conditions in full shall be considered a breach of Clause 3.2.

4 INDEMNIFICATION

4.1 Unless otherwise stated, the Enlisted shall be solely and exclusively responsible for any and all damages, harm, liability, loss, costs, expenses, craters, atrocities, and crimes (civil, uncivil, war) caused, created, or generated during the course of the rendition of services. The Enlisted hereby indemnifies (i) The Enlister, and (ii) the Authorized Command Structure, including but not limited to any employees, representatives, heirs, and successors against any costs, challenges, losses, damages, or expenses (without limitation) arising from or relating in any way to the rendition of services by the Enlisted.

4.2 Any damage sustained by the Enlisted, whether reputational or corporeal (including but not limited to incineration, evisceration, spinal separation, vaporization, crushing, freezing, burning, decapitation, paper cuts, explosion, contusion, removal of arms and/or limbs, addition of arms and/or limbs, dizziness, nausea, shortness of breath and/or death) shall not be considered the responsibility of the Enlister.

4.3 The Enlisted shall not hold the Enlister in whole or in part responsible for whether they return in whole or in part.

5 TERMINATION

This agreement will be governed by the laws of Super Earth, and shall be terminated in the event that:

(i) The Enlisted is mortally wounded, such that medical attention shall not be physically or financially justifiable.

(ii) The Enlisted expresses seditious, dangerous, or Traitorous thoughts, opinions, actions or sentiments.

(iii) By the Enlister, for any reason. Notice of the cause for termination is not required. The provisions of sections 1, 2, 3, 4, and 6 shall survive termination.

6 GENERAL PROVISIONS

6.1 The Enlisted consents to personal information (including but not limited to Biometric, Patriotic, and Demographic data) to be collected and processed by (i) the Enlister (ii) The Authorized Command Structure (iii) Appropriate agents of the Super Earth Armed Forces and Democratic Council.

6.2 The Enlisted consents to personal samples (including but not limited to flesh, bone, and blood) to be collected and processed by (i) the Enlister (ii) The Authorized Command Structure (iii) Appropriate agents of the Super Earth Armed Forces and Democratic Council.

6.3 The Enlisted provides unequivocal and irrevocable consent to the use of experimental weaponries, technologies, and narcotics.

6.4 The Contract shall be considered binding upon being read, in whole or in part.

(For the purpose of the elimination of doubt, the Enlisted spending 1 second within 15 meters of a copy of the contract shall be interpreted as the contract being read.)

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Given how successful Helldivers 2 has been, you know there's already a producer out there somewhere eager to make an adaptation of it. But here's the thing, we don't need a Helldivers movie. We've already got Starship Troopers.

What we need, is a Helldivers 2 animated comedy, with the exact tone of the early seasons of Red vs Blue.

Give me a small crew of Helldivers who are complete idiots that somehow keep surviving by sheer luck.

"No. I never EVER wonder why we're here. Managed Democracy, bitch."

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Computers are very simple you see we take the hearts of dead stars and we flatten them into crystal chips and then we etch tiny pathways using concentrated light into the dead star crystal chips and if we etch the pathways just so we can trick the crystals into doing our thinking for us hope this clears things up.

How does it feel to be the most Galaxy Brained person in this entire thread

Well that certainly belongs on the post

Weavers needed to knit the circuitry for NASA, just saying

the fact that we only have “herculean task” and “sisyphean task” feels so limiting. so here’s a few more tasks for your repertoire

  • icarian task: when you have a task you know you’re going to fail at anyways, so why not have some fun with it before it all comes crashing down
  • cassandrean task: when you have to deal with people you KNOW won’t listen to you, despite having accurate information, and having to watch them fumble about when you told them the solution from the start (most often witnessed in customer service)

feel free to chime in i ran out of ideas much faster than i anticipated

Promethean task: opposite of a Cassandraean task. You have the right information, and SOMEONE has to share it. But it's all in the delivery and if you're the person to identify the problem you WILL be hated forever.

Oedipal Task: (1) Attempting to avoid an unspeakably awful outcome and in doing so creating the circumstances that will bring it about. (2) Trying to solve an problem and discovering that you are in fact the problem you are trying to solve.

Odyssean task: you’ll complete it but it’ll take 20 times longer than it should and involve multiple side quests and mini-adventures

Pandorean task: some people fucked around and now it's your job to make sure they find out

Atlasean task: you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders. You might as well be turned to stone.

Laelapsean task: you have no idea what the hell is going to happen in this ridiculously impossible situation. Everyone involved might as well be turned to stone.

Pygmalionean task: you objectify your imaginary loved ones to the point that it becomes an obsession. They might as well be made of stone.

Tiresiasean task: you hit a couple of snakes and accidentally your entire gender

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i cannot STRESS ENOUGH how much you should be pirating your favorite shit from streamers. Because this WILL happen. No, hey, look at me. It WILL. And when it does? Their media will be gone FOREVER. So make sure you have a copy of That Thing You Love at the very LEAST in your cloud but better yet on your portable HD or better still? Burned on a DVD (I dont have a DVD burner, I'm doing cloud and portable HD - I know I personally am getting a copy of the They Cloned Tyrone and Captain Laserhawk and Foundation and Raised By Wolves you fucking TRY to stop me). Because these things are not founded in sustainability. Unlike AMC and FX and even HBO? There's a possibility that there will not be anything to hold this up. So make sure you have copies of the thing you love okay babes?

It's time to sail the high seas once again.

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To summarize: 1. Get uBlock Origin and make sure it's updated to the latest version. 2. Click on the gear icon to get to the dashboard, go to "Filter lists", and make sure that "uBlock filters - Quick fixes" is up to date

Repeat those steps any time you get another popup (google and uBlock are having an arms race right now so it might stop working at any moment), and if you have any more problems, read the reddit thread for troubleshooting advice

YouTube is now giving you a message that says "after 3 videos, you will be blocked" but I can confirm if you use this process that warning will go away!

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To summarize: 1. Get uBlock Origin and make sure it's updated to the latest version. 2. Click on the gear icon to get to the dashboard, go to "Filter lists", and make sure that "uBlock filters - Quick fixes" is up to date

Repeat those steps any time you get another popup (google and uBlock are having an arms race right now so it might stop working at any moment), and if you have any more problems, read the reddit thread for troubleshooting advice

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so i just learned that after disney+ debuted disney shut down a huge chunk of its tv channels around the world such as disney channel and disney XD including the ones in south korea, so for old times’ sake i just spent a good hour or so watching channel shutdown compilations and 90% of these worldwide disney channels just…. got absolutely no sendoff whatsoever. many of them got their plug pulled right in the middle of a show without even waiting for the episode to finish airing and there was no ending jingle or even a voiced-over announcement, only a sudden cut to a soulless monotone blank screen with “this channel is no longer available.” like the stuff of childhood nightmares 

you’d think a company with such a family-friendly image would take the time to at least explain briefly to its very young audience that all their fave shows will be moving to another service or something, hell, at least do it for advertisements’ sake so that kids can pester their parents into buying disney+, but disney does not care about you and it does not care about your children and it will absolutely snatch the last shred of comfort from a kid’s hands if it means they don’t have to spend an extra $400 recording an ending announcement in different languages

and honestly i am just sitting here with my heart in my throat like. none of our current art is truly permanent, is it. we like to think that we have better documentation and archiving technology than generations past but all it really takes is for one megacompany to slap some copyright tape over its comic book villain safe and then toss that safe in the ocean for all it’s worth. youtube could potentially choose to do the same and simply wipe its entire site clean overnight. adobe decided to throw flash in the garbage and decades worth of internet content just…. disappeared from reach. i am begging every digital creator out there to backup your content to as many outlets as you possibly can. use different cloud services that aren’t owned by one company. use physical usb drives and hard drives. if programs you used to open your work become obsolete at least document what it was so it can be passed on and remembered by people who want to. jesus christ i need a drink

Looks like I get to start downloading all of my previous LPs from YouTube and invest in more storage. Because nothing is permanent.

Hey, @hexmeridian , wanna share the tea from your dissertation about the archive you researched?

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here's the story. i know expressvpn has been recommended in some 🏴‍☠️ how-to posts but it is not trustworthy. the parent company, kape technologies, not only used to distribute malate but has ties to multiple state surveillance agencies. and be careful where you look for info about good vpns, because kape technologies owns a bunch of "vpn review" sites too

In case anyone can’t read the article for whatever reasons, the VPNs acquired are:

ExpressVPN

Private Internet Access

Zenmate

CyberGhost

And the VPN review sites they purchased are:

vpnMentor

Wizcase

So if you use any of those, time to look for other options.

I haven’t heard of any of these. The most prominent (and sponsoring lots of content creators) is NordVPN. It’s affordable, easy, and a trustworthy brand.

[image text: Twitter thread from IATSE. Tweets read as: We are fighting to ensure that the most powerful media corporations on the planet treat the film and tv workers who produce their content with basic human dignity. RT if you stand with us in this fight.

Yesterday, after months of negotiating, the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) announced it does not intend to make any counteroffer to our most recent proposals.

So far, the AMPTP has failed to work with us on addressing the most grievous problems in their workplaces, including: Unsafe & harmful working hours. Unlivable wages for the lowest-paid crafts. Lack of reasonable rest during meal breaks, between workdays, and on weekends.

Additionally, workers on so called “new media” streaming projects get paid less, even on productions with budgets that rival or exceed those of traditionally released blockbusters. Streaming is here. "New Media" isn't so new anymore.

It is incomprehensible that the AMPTP, an ensemble that includes media mega-corporations collectively worth trillions of dollars, claims it cannot provide behind-the-scenes crews with basic human necessities like adequate sleep, meal breaks, and living wages.

Worse, management does not appear to even recognize our core issues as problems that exist in the first place. These issues are real for the workers in our industry and change is long overdue.

The explosion of streaming combined with the pandemic has elevated and aggravated working conditions, bringing 60,000 behind-the-scenes workers covered by these contracts to a breaking point.

We risked our health and safety all year, working through the Pandemic to ensure that our business emerged intact. Now, we cannot and will not accept a deal that leaves us with an unsustainable outcome.

In response to the AMPTP’s tactics, IATSE members are mobilizing in preparation for a nationwide strike authorization vote to demonstrate our commitment to achieving the change that is long overdue in this industry. End text]

Petition for fandom to start using the term “squick/squicky” again

This loosely translates as “there is no fundamental problem with this and I have no issue with the people who enjoy it but it makes me personally deeply uncomfortable

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peroxidepirate

“It’s not a trigger so I don’t want to appropriate that terminology; but I really don’t like it and don’t want to read/see/hear it.”  

“it will not give me psychological distress but HOT DAMN I will die happy if I never see it again”

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ladylowkeyed

“uhhhh pass but YOU do YOU”

Okay but after seeing this I started doing it too and it’s amazing how many men I’ve run into bc they expected me to move

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youcangofindatree

Gotta try it

I work (and walk) on a college campus. I’ve lost count of how many men I’ve smacked shoulders with.

Recently, I was standing outside my son’s classroom waiting to talk to his teacher. I stood on one side of the hallway, not even close to the center. At some point, a man came walking along. I was standing right in his path, but the hallway was empty, so I logically expected him to swerve around me. Instead he kept walking right toward me, got to me, and stopped, as if waiting for me to get out of his way. I didn’t; I just smiled politely at him. He finally walked around me, clearly annoyed that I hadn’t leapt out of his manly path.

Now I’m wishing I’d leapt aside, taken off my jacket and laid it on the floor before him, then bowed deeply and said, “My Liege!”

I also work at a college campus. I smack shoulders sometimes, but I find that if I stare straight ahead and follow the advice below, people get the heck out of the way.

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Honestly this post changed how I carry myself when walking alone in public, or in a situation where I’m the one leading. People definitely move for the murder gaze.

Confirmed. I once had to rush back inside a convention hall as the con was closing in order to a retrieve a sick friend’s medication, and I didn’t understand why people in the crowd were jumping out of my way (literally—one guy vaulted a table) until I realized I was dressed as the Winter Soldier and doing the Murder Walk because that’s just how I walk in those boots. I got the meds, got out, and made a mental note.

I repeated the experiment later, wearing the boots but otherwise my usual clothing and mimicking the expression I thought I’d had at that moment. People parted like I was Charlton Heston.

I now wear that style of boots whenever possible. I recently had a man do a double-take as I walked by and ask me, politely, where I had served because I “looked like a soldier.” I’m not current or former military. I was wearing a flowy purple peasant top and looked as un-soldierlike as possible.

Moral of the story: wear comfortable shoes, square your shoulders, and walk like you’ve been sent to murder Captain America.

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reddobastard

WALK LIKE YOU’VE BEEN SENT TO MURDER CAPTAIN AMERICA

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blossombarnes

It’s called the Murder Strut.

IT’S BACK!!!!!! I was searching for this to show my daughter the other day and couldn’t find it. I’m so glad IT’S BACK!! I will always reblog the Murder Strut!!

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little-miss-stan

A guy on a bike went around me because he could tell I had no intention of moving. Thanks to this post.

One day and I bumped into a guy while doing the Murder Strut and he apologized to me even though I was the one who had bumped into him.

It works wonders.

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phoenixonwheels

In case you were wondering, yes you can do this in a wheelchair. Same look in your eyes and let ‘em know you will run them down. Just picture yourself in a sports car accelerating towards someone with the intention of flattening them.

If there’s anything more satisfying than watching Abled men leap out of my way when they realize I’m not moving for them, I can’t think of it atm.

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sapphic-pink-kryptonite

Walk like you’ve been sent to murder Captain America.

Wheel like you’re gonna win the Indy 500 and don’t care how.

Your crutches are short swords; walk like you can see them buried in the bodies of anyone who crosses (in front of) you.

Tumblr: teaching women how to be Moses and part the fucking Red Sea with the power of their minds.

I had never seen these updates to the Patriarchy Chicken Game before and they are all a goddam DELIGHT

Patriarchy Chicken and The Murder Strut, dance names for the new millenium. 

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gossip-girl-of-middle-earth

OH MY GOD I HAD BARELY SCROLLED DOWN THIS POST AND WAS GONNA SAY “JUST TAKE SOME ADVICE FROM ME THAT I LEARNT FROM AN OLD TUMBLR POST ABOUT WALKING LIKE THE WINTER SOLDIER FROM YEARS AGO” BUT THEN IT TURNED OUT TO BE THIS POST

I first discovered this a few years ago when I was an insecure 14-year-old, and since then I indeed do the “murder strut” and staunch everywhere I go, literally works wonders

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dino-the-lore-god

murder strut works wonders in the airport and school.

Back in HS, other kids would kinda stream behind me like the tail of a comet because I was several inches taller than most of the student population and the Murder Strut was just…how I walked. Amazingly effective.

In case you have forgotten. The Murder Strut works!

Patriarchy Chicken Game

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