Are you a concierge in the Cleveland area?

Would you want to anonymously dish on RNC shenanigans? Total anonymity guaranteed. Send us a message or email us at hoteljobtumblr [at] gmail [dot] com.

The New York Post... likes us? “Inn-sufferable.”

Check out some of our great press from this Sunday's New York Post. If you haven't please purchase our book!

http://www.amazon.com/How-May-Hate-You-Concier…/…/055344834X

http://nypost.com/…/what-nyc-concierges-really-think-about…/

Our book comes out TOMORROW! Come celebrate with us!

Hi everyone. Thank you for continuing to read us through the years. We appreciate it. If you’re looking for even more reasons to cringe, buy our book that comes out tomorrow. It’s full of games, essays, stories, photos and illustrations about the terrors that are hotel guests. 

http://www.amazon.com/How-May-Hate-You-Concierge/dp/055344834X/

And if you’re in New York? Come party with us tomorrow night at our official book release party! It’s totally free and you can meet us in person. 

If you need me, I’ll be over here banging my head against a wall forever.

GUEST: Can you get me a boat to the Empire State Building? CONCIERGE: You actually can't take a boat to the Empire State Building. GUEST: I was under the impression that I'm a guest here and can do what I want.

WOWOWOWOWOWOW. We go on sale Tuesday, but we’ve cracked the top 10 on Amazon’s list of travel books. Please help us show Jim Koch whose boss and pre-order our book!

And Ken Burns? Please. Go back to documentaries, Ken. 

http://www.amazon.com/How-May-Hate-You-Concierge/dp/055344834X/

“The Head of NeNe Leakes on a platter, please.”

Back in the fall, the NeNe Leakes from “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” was in Chicago the Musical. This is a real interaction that happened. 

GUEST: NeNe Leakes, please. CONCIERGE: So, you want tickets to Chicago? GUEST: No, she’s from Atlanta. CONCIERGE: Right, but she’s in Chicago the musical right now. You want tickets to see that? GUEST: She’s in a play? CONCIERGE: I thought that’s what you were asking for when you said, “NeNe Leakes, please?” GUEST: If I should. Okay. Here’s my credit card. 

I’ll never find out what she wanted when she approached and said “NeNe Leakes, please…”

One Week Away...

In just one week our book is released. You can buy it here:  http://www.amazon.com/How-May-Hate-You-Concierge/dp/055344834X/

Until then, here’s another sneak peek inside!

(Photo credit: Mindy Tucker)

Here’s a special preview inside of our book!

Over the next few days we’ll be releasing some previews inside of our book which you can now pre-order here: http://www.amazon.com/How-May-Hate-You-Concierge/dp/055344834X/

Who is this “Pam” we are referring to? You’ll have to read the book to find out.

(Illustration by Branson Reese!)

G-g-g-g-ghosts?

GUEST: I really don't mean to be a problem, but I think there's something odd in my room. FRONT DESK: What's the problem? GUEST: It's hard to explain... FRONT DESK: Room 811? GUEST: How did you... FRONT DESK: We’ve had complaints of ghosts in that room before. We'll move you right away.

We do have a rule. The rule is “Don’t.”

(A guest calls.)

GUEST: Good afternoon. I’ll be staying there in a few weeks. I see that you’re a pet-friendly hotel, but do you have specific rules about pet experiments?

Ah, yes! You’re The Esteemed Count Von Hamburglar-McNuggets!

(A guest approaches the front desk.) GUEST: What's my room number? FRONT DESK: Let me look that up for you. What's the name on the room and do you have ID on you? GUEST: (aghast) You don't know who I am? FRONT DESK: I'm sorry, sir.  GUEST: I'd think everyone would know who I am! I was the one you guys found passed out near a bag of McDonald's in the hallway two nights ago.

The longterm side effects of sniffing glue made apparent:

GUEST: Excuse me. I'd like to report illegal activity going on your hotel. CONCIERGE: What is it? I'll report it to security. GUEST: I believe the teenagers in the room next to mine are sniffing glue. CONCIERGE: Sniffing...um, how do you know? GUEST: Well, I used to sniff quite a bit of glue in my day. I recognize the signs. CONCIERGE: What are the signs? GUEST: Well, I smell glue and I hear sniffing.

The Capital Hotel in Little Rock is the Best Hotel in the World

We recently stayed for two nights in the Capital Hotel and we can officially state it’s the best hotel in the world and we want YOU ALL TO KNOW.

They did not pay us to say this, but they did give us free banana pudding and sweet tea. Look, if you want to see your business listed here, give us banana pudding. 

We recently traveled to Little Rock to promote our book at the Arkansas Literary Festival. Our fabulous moderator Amy Bradley-Hole’s husband Nick Bradley-Hole is the Director of Operations and they invited us to be their guests at the historic hotel.

Here are 10 reasons why it’s the best hotel in the world (after the jump):

This is one for our friends who work in the airline industry.

I was walking through the airport at 6:00AM this weekend and this happened:

TERRIBLE WOMAN: (to luggage valet outside airport) Where do I go? I don’t go where everyone else goes. I have pre-check. I don’t have to wait in line with other people.

He tells her where the line is then...

TERRIBLE WOMAN: (to me) I have pre-check. Do you? Where do we go for pre-check?

I tell her then...

TERRIBLE WOMAN: (to a janitor) Excuse me, I have pre-check. Where do I go for pre-check?

He tells her then...

TERRIBLE WOMAN: (to a random Delta Employee) Did you know I have pre-check? Where do I go if I’ve got pre-check?

She tells her then...

TERRIBLE WOMAN: (to TSA guard) You’re not Pre-check. Where do I go for Pre-check?

She tells her then...

TERRIBLE WOMAN: (to TSA Pre-check guard) This is pre-check, right? I’ve got pre-check. 

The guards says yes then...

TERRIBLE WOMAN: (to same TSA Pre-check guard) You’re sure? You’re sure this is for pre-check?

He confirms that it is then...

TERRIBLE WOMAN: (to person in line in front of her) This is pre-check, right? Y’all have got pre-check too? I just want to make sure I’m in the right line cause I have pre-check.

Then...

TERRIBLE WOMAN: (to person in line behind her) Are you pre-check? This is for pre-check. I’ve got pre-check.

Then I saw her on the other side of security. She approaches people putting on shoes. 

TERRIBLE WOMAN: (to people who just want to fly back to Phoenix probably) Why don’t y’all do pre-check? I do pre-check and I just breeze through. Y’all should do pre-check.

Then...

TERRIBLE WOMAN: (to another TSA agent) Don’t y’all love pre-check? Why don’t more people do pre-check? I always do!

Are you near Little Rock? Come see us LIVE!

For any readers in Arkansas, come see us LIVE at the Arkansas Literary Festival this weekend for FREE!

We’ll be reading excerpts from our new book, playing games and answering questions. You’ll even get a chance to win an advanced copy of our book.

It’s this Saturday, April 16th at 8PM. The Ron Robinson Theater.

For more information on the entire festival visit: http://www.arkansasliteraryfestival.org/schedule/index.html

You can pre-order the book here: http://www.amazon.com/How-May-Hate-You-Concierge/dp/055344834X