happy birthday fingers in his ass

ok wait, reblog if you’ve cried at least once because of math, doesn’t matter which grade i’m trying to prove something 

I like haunted houses in theory BUT I have no idea how to react when the actors speak to you. They ask me a question and I just… answer it…

The scariest part of a haunted house is the unscripted social interaction.

Scary nurse in a creepy voice: “Do you have an appointment to see the doctor?”

Me: “Uh. Do you accept walk-ins?”

Scary farmer: “I like to kill people!”

My friend, brightly: “I like to die!”

Zombie : “AARRRGH”

Me : “Do you get dental insurance?”

Zombie : “TEETH!!”

This happened to me.

Scary prison dude: HELLO

Me: Nice to meet you!

Him: (pause) No it’s noooooot

My worst horror house experience was when I couldn’t find the (rather obvious) exit and the guy chasing me with a chainsaw stopped, sighed and pointed me to the exit, saying “please scream as loud as you can when you run out there” and just left. I disappointed the horror house chainsaw dude and I will never get over that

Guy: They are all my friends.. (motioning to hanging corpses; then grabs a noose) Will you be my friend?  Me: Sure totally, you made me a friendship necklace? Oh my god your so sweet?  Guy: … Yes.. Please, let me.. I cant I cant just go (laughing).  – Got to walk a second time through–  Same guy: My friends -wailing-  Me: I came back I just really wanted to be friends so bad Guy: (laughing more) Please, Im not allowed to laugh. 

I went to a Haunted House and literally befriended every actor there.

Specifically, I remember;

There were zombies walking around in the waiting room. I said “Hi!” and he gave me a high five. Every time he passed from then on, I got a high five.

Near the end, there were these twin little girls. “Come play with us.” They said. “Okay!” I said. “Forever.” They said. “Oh, sorry, can’t do that. I’m busy.”

I could hear them giggling.

Guy playing Freddie Kruger: Remember, you are all my children!

Me: thanks dad

A small chorus of teenagers: thanks dad

I went to a haunted corn maze once. Someone ran at me with a chainsaw. I just stared at him. He hung his head and walked away. I left.

The Real Horror Is The People We Dissapointed Along The Way

IM CRYING

My friends and I were in a really dark part of a haunted house and couldn’t find the exit, so the guy who had just jumped out at us had to say “to your left” in his same scary voice he’d used to scream and we were like “thanks!”

And then after a few moments of patting blindly at the wall he says again in the same ominous voice “your other left”

World Heritage Post

Fanfiction is awesome because you can watch your otp fall in love a thousands times , in a thousand different ways

Unless your otp is a rare pair, in which case you can watch them fall in love six times, in six different ways.

And you wrote four of them.

im so starved for botw news ;-;

listen people are starting to realize tumblr isn’t dead we all need to be as cringe as possible for the next few months, it’s vital to our survival

I love that op said “be as cringe as possible” and my main man Tumblr replied with giffs of Superwholock in that exact order. I love you all so much.

I was high off my ass last night and had this dream where I was in this dense ass forest and sitting there was a tall woman. She was so tall I couldn’t see her face but she was wearing gold and I was like “uh…hi?” And she said “I made you, do you know that?” And I nodded and she was like “I hear your thoughts. Why do you hate my creation? Why do you try to destroy yourself? I made you perfect as you are. Please don’t break my heart”. Then she started crying and it flooded and I woke up with fucking heart palpitations like what does it Mean™️????

polar opposite of this post

inspiration struck and would not let me go until i drew this

This is really beautiful!!!

Canadian Cosplayer is Mistaken for Terrorist

The Cosplayer was wearing a gas mask, helmet, armour and bullet belt. He was also carrying a New Republic of California flag. People thought he had a bomb strapped to his back but it turned out to be several Pringles cans painted silver.

Police were hiding in bushes and behind their cars with long guns drawn. Happened in Grande Prairie, Alberta. (April 14, 2017)

A reminder to all you cosplayers out there: be careful how you dress when in the general public. Not everyone is savvy to semi-obscure characters/designs.

This, a thousand times this.

Take your mask off, bag your props, and move with people.

Every post apocalyptic cosplay group needs a Safety Naruto. The Safety Naruto will signal to ordinary people that yes this is indeed a costume.

The concept of a Safety Naruto is fucking hilarious

Just like a buddy system except it’s a bunch of people with prop guns or bombs are each assigned a Naruto

Safety Naruto and Safe For Work Sasuke

Thank u comrade tyranitar

that is godzilla

nothing but respect for comrade godzilla but that's fucking tyranitar

Comic by PetFoolery

Hands up if you'd also adopt that little noodle! ✋

Tags by @interstellarvagabond

THERE'S A SEQUEL!

MR. NOODLE

The adventure continues!

Awesome dad is awesome.

Hopefully the mother will get used to it

Mom finally warmed up to Mr Noodle.

Made by PetFoolery

I love how Goth is implied to be the optimistic view here.

Ska: When the world has let you down you've gotta pickituppickituppickitup

Folks, I'm surprised nobody pointed this out sooner but this was the original post

in the immortal words of The White Stripes, they said it once before but it bears repeating

See you in 1977

It is literally impossible to pick a favorite line from this because the entire thing is gold. 

Am I the only one slightly upset that the bot did not even mention Brenda's third eye? Like, I feel like that's more of a selling point than her dust collection

I went to a clown hatchery in Madison today and oh my FUCKING god there must’ve been at least 10000 clowns there. it was incredible

the breeder told me he’s been operational for 8 years now and djfjhd the new morphs he’s working with are amazing with the regular white orange and snowflakes he’s working with something that gives. them a blue tone they’re gorgeous

I read this like 10 times before I realized you were probably talking about fish

clown hatchery

my dad just exploded into laughter out of nowhere and told me ‘imagine the lion king but with sea lions’ he has been chuckling about it for 5 straight minutes now

apparently it doesn’t matter that i’ve told him 10 times it’s the monkey who raises the newborn and not the lion himself, this is the scene he has been imagining

“he can’t raise his kid over his head”

I want it

okay but have you considered

quality content

Extreme quality

@squorkal can it be my job to find you seal posts? Because I want that job

As a common witness of Sea Lions I can assure you that they would very much play out these scenes; they are extremely dramatic creatures

Please, never let this meme die.

This is the best one I’ve seen so far

What kind of quantum fucking memeing from 2056 are you people beaming to us

It’s fucking back

shooting star. i can’t believe i’m hearing shooting star again in the year 2020

The fates have ordained that this cross my timeline again and you better fucking believe i’m reblogging it.

This is the only good meme, don’t @ me

people really just read books like “no thoughts head empty 🤪”

between white women on tiktok saying they only read books for the romance and people on tumblr forcibly applying ao3 tropes to narratives i’m beginning to think maybe you all should’ve paid more attention in 10th grade english class

I was talking to this girl on hinge and we got onto the topic of books (i work in a bookshop), and she asked me if i had any favourite tropes to read? And for the life of me i couldn't figure out how to respond? Like Ms, i dont read fanfic, i dont understand what youre asking. I dont think 'tropes' can be used interchangeably with 'genre'. We dont have a section at work for shit like 'enemies to lovers' im sorry thats not how real literature works

I thought this post was gonna go somewhere relevant and interesting for a full second, but I guess not. Tropes are older than dirt. The idea of a trope has existed as long as humans have been making things, and it’s not empty-brained to ask what tropes someone might enjoy reading. For example, someone could answer: haunted houses. rivalries that span decades. tales of revenge. generational family dramas. coming of age stories. stuck in a snowstorm with a killer. The word trope is just a way people currently talk and think about concepts in literature that we’ve been thinking and talking about for ever. It just adds a layer of specificity. If you can’t comprehend someone asking you what tropes you like to read, you might not totally understand what a trope is, and that doesn’t make the other person dumb.

What I was hoping this post might touch on is how people cling to book reading as a hobby that will make them automatically smarter or more superior than those who aren’t, no matter how little mental engagement they actually put into reading. There are people who shit on novels like Things Fall Apart, The Jungle, and Invisible Man for not being “entertaining enough.” There are people who base their entire personality on being an avid reader who chose to never think critically or challenge themselves. There are people who think reading makes you more empathetic by default, when in reality anyone, even terrible people, can project themselves onto the hero if they can’t think critically about their own life and choices.

People can just be into romances, that isn’t inherently stupid. Nor are knowing what tropes they enjoy. That’s just how some people engage with books, and we shouldn’t be looking down at people for that. I have way more issue with the white goodreads users who rate Things Fall Apart as two stars and start their review “I guess I’m racist for not liking this.” I too am annoyed at the failure of public education, and I too was flabbergasted when someone on reddit asked “what’s the point of comparing two very different books to each other” when I pointed out that American Psycho kinda has Lovecraftian themes. But you’re falling off the mark here, to go on about how you hate tropes because they can also be applied to fanfiction tags. 🙄 This attitude is how people start calling themselves sapiosexual.