On a totally opposite end of the spectrum from the role swap-
Imagine if after the Promise chapter things flipped. If after that argument The Operator- out of pure animalistic type curiosity- said “ooh lemme stick my fingers in this sauce here” and left Alex alone to latch onto Jay. Its already discovered how it can push and twist and manipulate one person, but what about a completely separate person? Will the results be the same? Different? Will it be easier or harder?
So it latches onto Jay, and Alex experiences a flat out withdrawal from that thing’s influence, followed by the most gut wrenching clarity. Realizing how crazy he went, how he killed his friends to “save” them when it never would have mattered. So two weeks pass, and all he can think about is Jay- talking to him again and telling him everything, being honest and actually fucking admitting that he cares about him, that he wants to make good on his promise and do things right.
But Jay doesn’t answer. Jay is the one who drops off the planet and goes MIA, and Alex has a horrible, sinking suspicion he knows why. He hopes that Jay just finally got sick of him- he HOPES thats all it is- but deep down there’s this creeping suspicion that its not a coincidence. That he passed his own torment on to Jay like some twisted fucking disease-
He finds out he’s right, later on. When he starts working together with Tim(he’s desperate to find Jay, to fix things, even if that means groveling for Tim’s help-), when they start having run ins with Jay where he won’t see reason, where he argues every point they make and tries to convince Alex that everyone has to die, to help him(and wow, did he sound that crazy too? probably, yikes-)
And in the end Alex makes one last desperate attempt. He meets Jay somewhere alone, tries to convince him to come with him, tells him that he loves him-
But Jay doesn’t believe him. He tells Alex as much(“i love you but i can’t trust you- you said it yourself, why would you ever love somebody like me?”) and Alex wants to cry when Jay throws his own awful words back at him, things he never meant to say-
But what destroys him is when Jay takes the gun that he stole from Alex months ago, puts it to his own head and pulls the trigger with a bang right in front of him.
I’m in a dark mood today LMAO we die like tunnel guy
we die like tunnel guy lmaoooo
fucking THIS tho oh my god the ANGST
i literally have nothing else to add really, my brain saw this and turned into angst mush i fucking love this so much. Jay not believing Alex when he says he loves him fucking OW. This is literally fucking perfect. like, actually.
Everyone come look at this and be fucking destroyed by it because OW. it's especially sad because i'm thinking so much about Alex being the one feeling super hurt and stuff in his uni relationship with Jay, because im writing if it ain't broken at the moment. I am in the perfect mindset for just pouring over Jaylex angst with Alex being the one left feeling worst for it.
Honestly though, Alex finally seeing things fully, truly clearly and realising how terrifying and horrible it must have been for Jay to see him the way he was with the Operator in his head, all angry and not seeing sense and arguing every little thing.
withdrawal from the Operator tho, like, actual withdrawals from it could be so interesting. Like, how would that interact with Tim since he's been dealing with the operator since he was a kid presumably. is he fucked either way? like, if he doesnt take his meds he could get withdrawals from them, and if he doesn't take them for a while then goes back on them does he then get withdrawals from the Operator? Or is it different because the Operator isn't in his head the same way it's in Alex's? is just being near it enough? Like second hand smoke?
I imagine the withdrawals would be CRAZY. Like, insomnia, hallucinations simply due to a placebo effect. They’re so used to seeing that thing in the corners of their rooms, lurking behind buildings, that their mind just conjures it up out of nothing. And they’re so used to it that the headache’s come on instantly, the distant sound of static in their ears.
The panic kicks in so fast they can’t catch their breath, because of course they have PTSD, they’re traumatized. Fight or flight makes it impossible to realize its just their minds tricking them. It makes it easy for The Operator to slip in through the cracks and sink its hooks into them again and again and again.
And just like with substance withdrawals it makes them vulnerable to it. It gives it a chance to influence them again, when fighting back only makes it so hard to resist its pull when their mind has turned against them. Especially if they’re alone without somebody else to help pull them back to clarity, to reassure them everything is fine, that they’re safe.
On another note, if you want more angst, imagine-
Jay survives the gun shot- its rare to take a bullet to the head and live, but it happens(guess his skull is thick enough to take a bullet)- Alex realizes he’s still alive and calls for help, gets Jay to a hospital where miraculously they learn he’s going to live.
Alex swears to himself that things will be different- as soon as Jay is discharged they’ll pack up and leave, they’ll move across the country, far away from Alabama, they’ll put everything behind them and pretend everything is fine. They’ll do things right, just like he promised Jay.
And the day Jay wakes up Alex has never felt more relieved, its so intense he wants to cry, he’s overjoyed, the first thing out of his mouth is that he loves him, he’ll swear it up and down until Jay believes him-
And then Jay looks at him, and the only words out of his mouth are “Do I know you?”
