good: blade and vampire hunter d dating

better: blade and vampire hunter d's messy divorce

i would like to be their court appointed couple's counsellor

...just doesn't listen to me. every time i try and have a serious conversation with him or just ask him to wash the dishes he'd rather stare into the distance broodingly or explode into a cloud of bats....

-ugh not the bats again you've always been jealous of the bats

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT YOURE NOT LISTENING EVEN NOW

WELL AT LEAST I NEVER THREATENED TO TAKE ALUCARD AWAY FROM YOU IN THE DIVORCE

...please stop fighting

OP why weren't you

1.) The screenwriter for castlevania

2.) There to play dolls w me in elementary school. You would get what playing dolls was about.

Warren Ellis wishes he was me

He's not smart enough to recognize this talent 😓💔

Is this trendy or is this format cringe now

It’s a

bass drop

that’s funny

i am sending this to my new dating app match who is a musician ~nya

??????????

if you are a game designer and you force me to kill wolves AND you have them make sad puppy noises I'm killing you

see this never happens in spider solitaire for windows

by talos this can’t be happening

100 year old Galapagos tortoise with a few weeks old Galapagos baby posing for a new family photo, and its own baby photo from 100 years ago.

I’m absolutely not against robits in the home, I think the possibilities are really cool but like… Alright actually, here’s a side by side comparison: 

Alexa can play Skyrim tho

Damn you’re right.

I’m on mobile can somebody add that as a point for Roomba.

here you go

Roomba creates maps of the inside of your house

You’re like the 400th person to add this so:

This is the outline of my bedroom, with approximate furniture. Information I might not want handed out to the government or corporations or whatever. Not even including dubious terrain like rugs and clutter:

Here’s what a roomba, at floor level, with clutter and obstructions and stuff-under-stuff might be able to ‘map’ as navigable area:

This is completely useless to anybody except people developing robot vaccuums who might want diagnostic data. This isn’t even close to the level of Alexa’s microphone bollocks. Hit Alexa with a hammer, Roomba is… Safe, for now.

I saw the red and blue and my first response was “Roomba is using this sensitive information for GERRYMANDERING purposes”

SWAT team, bursting into your room, having been briefed with detailed Roomba-collected maps: *avoids difficult rug*

God is holding me back by the scruff of my neck like a cat but I’m biting him so so hard

Please stop breeding :) faces, they might be cute but they have trouble breathing. Please consider the :-) breed or the :^) breed instead. They have the same temperament as the :) breed but with none of the breathing problems.

Every time I see this I get the inability to read past “please stop breeding :)” and recoil a little bit in the shock from that

A Twitter Thread from David Bowles:

[Text transcript at the end of the screenshots]

I'll let you in on a secret. I have a doctorate in education, but the field’s basically just a 100 years old. We don’t really know what we’re doing. Our scholarly understanding of how learning happens is like astronomy 2000 years ago.

Most classroom practice is astrology.

Curious female shark  showing off swimming on her back.This is rare to see ! 🤯

Sweet big head, no thoughts, water puppy 😍

“Is that normal??”

“No”

*high-pitched chaotic laughter*

@lemonsharks

i love babies theyre soooo small

facts about babies:

the rush of validation i experience when the nurse looks at my arm and says “oh you have good veins” like yes my veins are so luscious and juicy stop or you’re gonna make my dick hard

My nurses always tell me I have evil and fucked up veins. We are not the same

sorry for being perfect in every conceivable way. it’s not my fault.

Mods are asleep post forbidden tits

Huh

Huh

Huh

Hhhhhhh

Perfectly balanced as all things should be…

GUYS WE NEED HELP TO FIX IT

The Balance!

I’m tempted to just reblog and not like it

This is great

MAKE A WISH!

Reblogging for good luck. Someone better like it for balance.

Did it fellas

if I wrote a dystopian novel where the corrupt evil megacorporation that controls society has a fucking smirk for a logo, my editor would tell me to use a less heavy-handed metaphor

and yet

I love this because if I were to write a literary novel in the Western cannon that described the image of an apple with a chunk bitten off, any high school English student would tell you it is a Bible reference meant to represent the source of all evil and downfall of humanity and YET 

Alright, if y'all are so smart, what’s the evil symbolism behind this?

this was from my freshman year of college, shortly after I came out, when someone sent me to hang out with these two (somehwat) older trans guys to show me that it was gonna be okay

one of them told me about how he got his gender marker changed before it was technically allowed. what he did was he waited until he grew a beard, and then he walked into the dmv and pointed at the f on his liscense and said "there's been a mistake" and they were like "oh sorry about that sir"

I did this with my government records after voice training. Before training the guy on the phone was like "there's nothing we can do without a legal change of gender on your birth certificate" which requires a lengthly process and a court hearing to prove.

After voice training called up the same place "Hi there I think there was a mistake when creating my account" and it was all "sorry ma'am we'll get that fixed right away".

Gender is entirely constructed and I encourage you to exploit this to get access to cisgender privilege.

My cat’s body is so loose and saggy that he blended in perfectly with a sweater on the ground. When my mom was cleaning up, she thought he was part of the sweater and grabbed him. :(

you grab kitty cat? you grab his body like the laundry? Jail! Jail for human for 1000 years!

Bears are so fucked up because they weigh more than a Chevy suburban but they can move silently, climb trees, swim, run at like 100 miles an hour, and they're bulletproof. Shoulda domesticated bears instead of horses