Every batkid has their patented “fuck, Bruce was right” face. Their expression twists for just a second, God forbid Bruce sees, but it does hurt their ego. In fact, it hurts their ego so deeply that they think about this moment all day. And maybe the day after, but they won't admit it under threat of death. Because there is nothing worse for a child than realizing that your old man who doesn't know shit about life actually knows shit about life. So embarrassing.
Gotham Gazette: Batman seen entering Wayne Manor! Finally confirmation on WayneBat?!
Bludhaven cop: Wow, Grayson. How long has that been going on?
Dick, engaging little shit mode: Uh, years? Duh. Batman was actually the one who taught me everything I know about anger management. You expect Bruce to have remembered what worked for him? The most that man knew how to do was make sure I wasn’t alone.
Being Bruce Wayne’s kid is such a trip bc what do you mean “Bruce Wayne isn’t real”, what do you mean Bruce— oh I’m sorry, Batman. Like imagine having to listen to your dad say that he isn’t real and the only real person is the version of him that indulges in his furry cosplay.
No like actually imagine it.
Your dad, the man who raised you after you lost your original parents, just looks at you and straight faced in a calm voice says: “Bruce Wayne isn’t real, only I — Batman — am.”
If you’re still not getting it imagine it in a reddit post format.
My (M27) father (M4X) is trying to make everybody believe that he isn’t real and that he’s actually his furry OC.
That shit would be wild.
... ♥
been thinking about them a lot lately
Dick and Jason mutually agreed that if one of them calls Bruce "dad", the other does not say a word.
Some criminal, which they caught: nice toys, kid.
Robin!Jason aka ray of sunshine: thanks. My dad made them for me.
Dick, trying to hold a laugh because it's cute: pff.
Jason: ?
Some criminal, confused: dad?
Jason, realizing what he just said and quickly turning red: Batman! I mean Batman! Batman made them for me!
Dick, already planning to blackmail him: aha, whatever you say, shorty.
On the same patrol.
Nightwing, doing something incredibly stupid: hah, dad's gonna soooo mad.
Jason "it's my turn, bitch" Todd: did you just call him dad?
Dick "stubborn ass" Grayson: no, I didn't.
Jason: yes, you did.
Dick: no, I did not!
Jason: yes. You. Did!
Dick, realizing that he lost: ...we won't mention it ever again.
Jason: deal.
oh so theyre NOT EVEN TRYING TO HIDE IT ANYMORE? idc how anyone spins this, its a common law marriage
anyway NEW LEAKS!!
I know everyone's favorite Jason Todd Domestic trope is that his house is just littered with weapons and no matter where you look you're going to find at least a gun or battle knife or explosive. But...
Hear me out. His house is littered with weapons but he has them so well hidden you'd never find them. Someone breaks in and they think they've got the upper hand because they checked the whole house and took every possible item that could be used for a weapon. Then Jason shows up. And he's just pulling weapons from everywhere. The closet you definitely checked? Shotgun. Under the couch? Two knives as big as your forearm. There was a fucking bazooka above the ceiling fan that there was no way they could miss but they did. And is that... did he just... did he just pull a handgun out of the toaster???
Yes. Yes he did. How were all of these here and no one noticed? Jason Todd, everyone.
the difference is so hard. to deny as it is too true
okay so there were a ton of posts/fics about the hilarious "fuck/maryy/kill" Bruce Wayne & Justice League scenario (I read them all, amazing comedic timing y'all) but to me, the most hilarious scenario is the JL play fuck/marry/kill, Bruce's name comes up, and half of the people in the room in the know immediately turn bright red and refuse to keep playing and no one will explain why.
Hal: "...and I would fuck Bruce Wayne. No, I would kill him. Nah, actually I'd fuck him, who am I kidding."
Clark: choking on his coffee and rapidly turning an alarming shade of red
Diana: "An....interesting choice, of course."
J'onn: "Shall we play a different game?"
Hal: "Wait, what? that was the game, wasn't it?"
Ollie: "I'm with Hal, I'd fuck the shit out of Bruce. He's the easiest guy I know, it's not like it'll exactly be a hardship for him."
*every single person in the room turns to Batman, standing in the corner*
Clark: "Wow! I think I just heard someone drop an ice cream cone in Guatemala. Batman, I'll need a team up."
Ollie: "For ice cream?"
Diana, standing up and putting herself in between Bruce and Hal: "This sounds dire. I will also assist."
Clark, under his breath, one hand on Bruce's back: "It's not worth it. He's not worth it. Come on. Walk it off."
The first time the league hears batman laugh is "randomly" during fuck marry kill
Watching from afar
"Red Hood's tits or Nightwing's ass" -the greatest thread in the history of batforums, locked by Oracle after 12,239 pages of heated debate,
Me when fans think of Dick Grayson as a happy family loving himbo (He can be the most manipulative person you ever met if it's for the greater good)
Me when fans think Jason Todd is an angry bull (He is such a master strategist that he was pretty much running circles around Bruce during UTRH)
Me when fans think Cass is a mute doll, and infantalize her-- (This one's just horrible racism and fetishization. She taught herself how to communicate as a form of rebellion guys)
Me when fans think Stephanie Brown is just Tim or Cass's love interest and is reduced to the 'dumb blonde' compared to the rest of the bats (She has the potential to be just as good of a detective as Tim, with the way she spoiled Cluemaster's plans)
Me when fans think Duke Thomas is the normal one of the Batfamily and is timid, shy and levelheaded (He's actually really determined to do what's right and headstrong. He will go against Bruce's orders if he thinks they're wrong)
Me when fans think Damian Wayne is a feral child who needs to be put on a leash (that one's also just racism actually. If anything, I think he's tame compared to his siblings.)
There are a lot of fics about the Justice League finding out about Batman's children via a series of circumstances leading to Nightwing joining the League (usually against Batman's will)
and I LOVE this trope, don't get me wrong, but I'd like to imagine a situation where it doesn't happen like that. I want a situation where Nightwing joins the League, but he and Batman play it off well enough that the JL doesn't put them together. They notice that they work well together, sure, and Batman seems to trust Nightwing easier than the other new members, but no one questions it because Nightwing is good.
And the JL reaches a point where it's been months or even years and they still don't know.
Until Nightwing gets hurt. They've seen him hurt before, but he gets hurt. Bleeding out, affected by fear toxin, whatever, the point is, he's in bad shape. And Nightwing - strong, crooked grin, happy facade - screams. He screams for his dad - a word that he never uses, but that doesn't matter now, because he's scared, and he's hurt, and he just wants to go home.
And nobody knows what to do. Every single League member very quickly realizes that they know nothing about this guy. Everyone wonders about Batman because he seems so mysterious, but Nightwing always seemed so open, and it's only in that moment that they realize they have no actual information on him.
But that only last for a split second, because, of course Batman reacts first. He runs to his side and starts to stabilize his injuries while assuring him in a voice that they've never heard before, a voice that is distinctly not his Batman growl, that he's right there and it's all going to be okay.
And Nightwing... well, he stops calling out for his father. And he doesn't stay in the watchtower infirmary after that. When they ask Batman where he took him, he just tells them home.
Nightwing's back a few months later, and that's when they start asking him if he's really Batman's kid, and he just smiles the same crooked grin and says, Of course. You didn't know?
So I asked my mom why she hates Batman
Mom: He's ugly, first of all. Secondly Clark is a family man-
Me: Clark has 1, maybe 2 kids at best. Bruce has 6-7! You love kids!
Mom: How many wifes does he have?
Me:.... None.
Mom: See! Even the woman of Gotham don't want him.
😭😭😭 What was I supposed to say to that??!
Bruce loving and supporting Dick hours
i’m just gonna leave this here
