My dreams did a thing
Just had an amazing dream.
So. This is a bit different from my usual crying-about-YOI-posts but like, bare with me.
I have these dreams- fighting dreams, I call them. They’ve been happening over the last several years. The setting and people are usually different, but the situation is always the same- I’m fighting someone/someones, and although I can beat them up and usually kill them as well, they always come back to life or more come and I have to keep fighting and killing them, to protect someone I love from them.
I don’t know why they would want to hurt the people I love, but I just know that I can’t let them near my loved ones.
It’s a very... graphic dream. Very bloody, very disturbing. I’ve woken up crying from these sorts of dreams, the images haunting me for the rest of the waking day afterwards.
The main thing, however, is how it just never stops. It’s a cycle of fighting that tires me out even in my dream, makes me frustrated, but I can’t. stop. because if I did- they would hurt or kill my family and/or friends. So I just spend the entire dream fighting.
I’ve been working on my mindset and mental state for the last year or so and decided, after a particularly frustrating fighting dream that involved both fighting some Bad DudesTM and dealing with my friends that wouldn’t stay put in the safe place I made for them (so we could be safe in there, away from the Bad DudesTM, instead of me having to fight), to try and figure out what these dreams meant.
So, as I’m sure most of you could probably suss out, it’s about me being frustrated with not being able to control everything. I can, to some degree, as I am always strong enough to fight them, but the fighting never stops, even when I get tired.
The realization felt good, and I decided to be more active in being mindful of my thoughts regarding trying to control everything, to let myself accept things as they were instead of getting frustrated.
I didn’t have that sort of dream for a while, until last night, or this morning.
It was a hell of a dream. More vivid than usual, perhaps thanks to the melatonin I took before bed.
This is already a long post so I’ll get down to it- there was A Lot of fighting this time. I was a proclaimed ‘the Chosen One’ that people from another world wanted to fight, as dying by my hands was considered an honor and killing me would make them something akin to a King or God, I’m not sure. I was a bit busy just trying to fight them all.
It was brutal, to start with, all blood and gore, until half way through the first group I was just like, ‘you know what? I don’t want to fight. I’m done fighting.’ And they were all like ‘um. What?’
but. They stopped fighting. Just, stopped. They didn’t attack my family like I feared, they just were like ‘huh well okay’.
But. Then more groups came, and I had to keep telling people I wouldn't fight them- that they had to leave. I was getting increasingly frustrated.
And then an entire train station appeared on our road, and a whole crowd of people came, spilling over my parents’ property, some of them talking about killing the horses for fun.(I live on a ranch fyi)
There were too many of them, I was starting to panic. I could fight them, yes, but I couldn't be everywhere at once, I couldn’t protect the horses and my family.
I started yelling at people, swearing at them, telling them to leave. They didn’t try to fight me, but they didn’t really leave either. I asked the Universe for help, because I didn’t know what else do to- I couldn’t go back to fighting, but I couldn’t let them hurt anyone, either.
Then, it came to me. Love.
I had to spread love to them.
As soon as I calmed down, and stopped yelling and swearing, and instead began to tell people they were loved, and other things from a loving mindset, they changed. Everyone. All these hardened warriors that were talking about killing horses for fun seemed to get... lighter. Happier. Nicer.
They started to smile, to carry the energy I sent out to them so much faster than the yelling at them to leave ever did. They gladly went back to their own worlds, bringing back this energy and spreading it to the others on these fighting planets as well, stopping the fighting.
I was the ‘Chosen one’, but not for fighting. For ending it. For bringing love. I am not meant for fighting, but for love.
This idea isn’t perfect- how can I love someone who is actually physically hurting me? Why would I? Do I always have to be in a loving mindset? I’m still just a human, and that seems pretty high on the ‘not going to happen’ list.
But this idea doesn’t need to be ‘perfect’- it is what I am calling a ‘divinely perfect’ truth (no, I’m not religious, I’m just hard core into the LOA and see reality as fluid so...feel free to ask more more lol). Perfection is not something that will ever truly be reached- as things are always changing, and what might be perfect in one moment won't necessarily be so in the next.
To spread love and focus on love for others instead of fighting and thinking isn’t the only way- it’s simply divinely perfect. For most situations, especially ones I routinely deal with, it is ‘perfect’.
Fighting just hurts both me and the other person/thing/situation, and is an endless cycle of frustration.
Love, on the other hand, releases me from that cycle, and can inspire the emotion in the receiving party, and then perhaps to even more people. It is so much more powerful in so many ways compared to fighting and hate. It can inspire, it’s warm and comforting, and you can create it so easily, just by yourself, with just a thought.
Thoughts are very powerful things. They control the reality around us, and choosing to think loving thoughts... To accept things as they are, instead of giving into the cycle of frustration and hate...
As my dream showed me, love can do so much more good for myself and the world around me compared to my desperate, trying to survive, cycle of fighting.
Maybe this won’t speak to some as it did to me, and it’s long as heck so it’s totally fine if you don’t get through this all, but I felt inspired to share so. You're welcome <3
In any case, TL;DR- my dreams of fighting and frustration over the years were finally brought to an end when I decided to change my thoughts and send love to the enemies instead, prompting me to work on my own thoughts in the waking world when I was dealing with frustrations.
....I just woke up okay xD I’m going to be holding this in my heart for a long time.
