i remember seeing a post like “why the fuck do tumblr kids like RATS so much” damn fuck what did rats do to you
apologies i forgot that peasants from the mid 1300s occasionally use this site im sorry for the bubonic plague
my overwhelming need to be attractive at all times vs the voices of mary oliver and mitski telling me i don’t exist to be consumed, fight
Why on earth hasn’t anyone invented a less terrifying way to open biscuits and cinnamon rolls???? 😩
because squishing that much biscuit into that little space teeters on the edge of hubris. the pop is to keep us humble. to remind us that death comes for all
oh worm?
where can I get your blood?
it’s free but you have to catch me
i trust girls with literally everything but if a boy asks me like what my favorite color is im like what the fuck are u trying to do…….
hell? empty. all the devils? here.
omg this wasn’t a “dick? out” joke this was a shakespeare quote don’t be crass
Hell: empty Devils: here Dick: out
it’s what shakespeare would’ve wanted
I am forcibly removed from the stage, pursued by a bear
u ever get no sleep and the next day ur body functions like the tumblr app
me: we need to study
brain: hhuuUUUUGUHHGHUHGUHGUHUUH :((( oops SORRY! woopsie doopsies ! we mad ea big ol uhuhfdioufhdsiuiuaksj!!!!!!!????!?!?! :((((((
is everyone reblogging this ok
“i don’t care,” i say, caringly, as i care deeply
just undiagnosed myself with stupid. i know everything now.
What if someone got bitten by a vampire, but didn’t realize it. So then they go around and keep misidentifying all the symptoms, like
“Dude, you haven’t gone outside in a while.” “Yeah, last time I went out I got this wicked sunburn.”
“Are you still up?” “Yeah, I started bing watching this show on Netflix.”
“Dude, I’m seriously craving something right now.” “Like what?” “I dunno. Pizza rolls?”
“Why is it that you never come into my house unless I invite you?” “Um, it’s called ‘being polite’…?”
“I tried cooking with garlic the other night and got this serious burn on my hand. I think I’m allergic, but all I’m getting on Google is vampire bullshit.”
“Dude can a mirror like… stop working or something?”
“Dude, why do you keep posting pictures of the floor?” “…Those are meant to be selfies, I guess my camera must be broken.”
“Dude, I am all for you expressing your religious beliefs, but could you not wear your crucifix when I’m around? It really bugs me for some reason.”
“Have you ever noticed how cute bats are? like really noticed? sweet lil balls of fluff with wings man.”
“I want to sleep in a coffin…ya kno, for like… aesthetic”
“What’s with your thing about necks lately?”
“MUST YOU KINKSHAME ME IN MY OWN HOME”
“I looked up my symptoms on WebMD, and it says I have cancer.”
This last addition made the reblog obligatory. This one wins.
what are you, valid or something?
Are you aware of your lesbian cult following?
shoutout to all the incredible lesbians out there we love you keep doin ya thing
