I was playing with my neighbor’s dog and apparently their 3 year old grandson was home and wanted to play.......he is just the sweetest little boy oh my god
I’ve never met this kid, but he was running around with the dog and after a few minutes he just comes over to me (I was sitting down) and hugs me and gives me a little kiss on the cheek.....my heart, man
He criiieeeeeddd when I had to leave, too. I felt so bad. He was just the sweetest little thing.
bees do not suffer from humans harvesting their honey, as they produce it to a level of excess that they cannot hope to use.
not only that, but without people deliberately breeding them for honey, they would have died out by now.
this especially goes towards you vegans who don’t eat honey thinking it’s animal abuse. don’t go out and buy agave nectar, which is so frequently made using inhuman labour policies. use honey, the best way to save bees.
The overharvesting of agave is actually harming the animals that naturally feed off the plants such as certain types of bat. Protesting honey is killing bees and harming the livelihood of beekeepers, aka people who chose their job, not who were forced into it.
Okay now that I’ve finally quit Denny’s let me tell you guys about the bizarre fucking otherworld it is
I can’t believe I forgot
There's a thing in the South called the "Waffle House Scale", which rates how bad storms are based on what Waffle House can serve you.
A little over a week ago we pulled a scruffy little doxie thing from a rural shelter. 3 days prior to that she experienced some sort of trauma, we suspect a car. She didn’t break any bones but she was very painful, and there was blood in her chest. What that shelter didn’t tell us was that she was also unable stand or even lay sternal.
So this naturally caught the vets by surprise and they weren’t too pleased. Euthanasia was seriously being considered but there’s a saying in vet med that nothing should die without steroids and so in addition to pain meds, the vet on duty gave her a whopping dose of steroids.
The next day we went to check on her.
Progress! We did a neuro exam and found significant cp deficits on the right side and the forelimb responded only to deep pain (that is, pressure applied to the bone, not inflicting agony on the dog… when you pinched her skin she couldn’t feel it)
That night:
She couldn’t walk, but she stood up. She wasn’t putting any weight on the front right and you can see that she’s knuckled over on the rear but hey. Drastic improvement from 24 hours prior.
Next morning and she’s still at that progress point so the vet asks me for new thoracic rads and some really good cervical rads. (Pretend I remembered to take photos of my beautiful xrays and I put them here. )
We sent them of to the radiologist and it turns out little ruby has ruptured a disk in her neck. All the vets were extremely worried about this but willing to give her a chance.
and then I had my weekend and spent 3 days worrying about this extremely sweet little scruffy dog.
and then yesterday this is what greets me.
Yaaaaaaaay!
and then they sent her to a foster home and now I won’t get to see her for an entire week. Boo.
WHEN HE GRABS HIS FOOT REBLOG IF YOU AGREE
Had to reblog a version with this info. Good to enjoy folks.
The cows help the farmer roll out the Hay for eating.
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
I always need this on my blog.
I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.
Yes
MY FAVORITE FUCKING POST IS BACK.
Finally! I wanted to show this to my brother and I’ve been waiting over a year for it to come back!
One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.
And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”
He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.
during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard
When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”
She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”
He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”
Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”
Y'all really gotta stop throwing ya boyfriend’s video game systems in pools and cuttin up they shoes and lighting they clothes on fire just because you mad or you want his attention bc if he responded by throwing them $100 eyeshadow palettes in the pool or cuttin up a brand new lace wig you gon be pissed as hell, as you should be. It’s not cute, it’s abusive. And you need to fuckin stop
Say it louder for the parents who think it’s okay to destroy their kids stuff as retaliation for disrespect
Hey guys heads up if you live in the DC metropolitan area, DO NOT DO A WATER CHANGE!
There is something in the tap water that is wiping entire tanks. It started Tuesday with me, and several people I know in my area have been affected as well. Water changes have wiped their stock and there has been no water chemistry change.
If you must change a tank, use bottled water only. Wait until word from the WSSC that the water is safe.
Do you guys not filter the water through reverse osmosis in the first place??
Not everyone can afford that expensive piece of equipment or it’s upkeep, and not everyone has the space to store the water
I think they meant the city filtering the water with reverse osmosis.
im going to have a stroke
Instead try… Person A: You know… the thing Person B: The “thing”? Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD
As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed:
Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.”
