soliosxghni-blog reblogged
soliosxghni-blog reblogged
best thing we never had
the first time elle laid her eyes on rose, she thinks her daughter is beautiful. her long-lashes framing big, brown, round eyes. the faint pink of her cupid bow lips a contrast to ivory skin. her ears a close resemblance of a fairy’s. she’s so beautiful and ethereal, elle couldn’t help but cry the moment her weight was rested on her arms. her maternal instincts immediately ridding all thoughts or worries after a rigorous 5 hours of giving birth. i’m going to love you. everything i have, everything i am is yours. she remembers holding rose close to herself, pressing kisses to the infant’s head softly. everything she threw away is nothing compared to the bundle of love in her arms.
four years later, they find themselves within the protection of hogwarts’s walls. her second home and the beginning where it all started. her hard-earned position in the ministry exchanged for a professor spot in hogwarts to teach herbology. perhaps she had turned sentimental over the years, but elle doesn’t want rose to forget her roots–in this case, her birth father. questions of his missing figure was repeated in some nights, but elle managed to convince rose that they didn’t need him. she can be both a mother and a father for her only daughter.
still, taking care of a growing child was difficult to be done by herself. especially when her daughter is one curious girl with unlimited energy to match.
“rose? roseanne, sweetheart?” the name left her lips for the umpteenth time that day. hogwarts is still closed down for summer break, but elle had to fetch a book from her office to plan lessons for the next term. what she didn’t count was peeves being the little shit–brat he is managed to lead rose away from her spot in her sofa while elle was busy looking through her shelves. if only spells works on ghosts…
a familiar shriek distracts her from her jumbled thoughts, and elle turns around to find her daughter running towards her way with tears in her eyes. relief overtake her features as she scoops rose in her arms, holding her tight as she made cooing noises to calm her daughter down. “there, there. sweetheart. did peeves chase after you again?” she chuckles a bit, erasing the tears on rose’s apple cheeks. the presence of the stranger that brought rose to her momentarily forgotten.
“he took mr. elf away!” she sniffs, hiding her face on the crook of her mother’s neck. before elle could respond, though, rose had tear herself away and points her stubby finger to the direction where she came from. “but this tall mister said he will protect rose from peeves!”
elle smiles to herself, turning to face her daughter’s savior. the words of gratitude dies on the tip of her tongue the moment her eyes take in the tall figure standing before her. it can’t be. it can’t be-
“…n-noah. what a coincidence. what are you doing here?”
There are many things to describe how Noah is feeling currently, being in a situation where the woman he's desperately trying to forget standing there with a child calling her mother, staring back at him like that. To see her again within these walls takes him back to the past that feels like forever ago. Suddenly noah is back being that boy, walking down the hallways like he owns the place, the stuck up kid with too much money in his pockets. His mind is assaulted with memories he'd like to erase, a small voice begging for it to stop, whatever ‘it’ is.
This is where everything started, everything he had built--they built-- and here too, where everything crumbled and fell. But were they truly over? He knew where they started, but their end were never stated officially. She was too ashamed, he was too guilty and they were too heartbroken to even look at each other’s faces properly.
There’s a crippling pain blooming inside him, spearing his guts and something is burning his stomach like acid. He wills himself to stand still, keeping his knees from wobbling. Won’t you look at that, an unpleasant voice says, mocking, leering at him. She moved on. Very much unlike you.
“A coincidence indeed.” He forces out a grin and a small chuckle, ignoring the raging distress and jealousy he feels. “I’m, well, I’m the new DADA teacher.” he shrugs a bit, trying to act not too big of a sore loser.
“A pretty one you got there.” Noah waves a little halfheartedly to Rose and he tries hard not to imagine the man Elle married though there’s a nagging feeling at the back of his mind that says how familiar Rose looks like. He’s feeling awkward, was there a tension in this room or it’s just him? “Why weren’t you inviting me to the wedding? I’m hurt.” he tries to joke, placing a hand to his chest in an exaggerated manner while his mind screams at him. He shouldn’t have said that.
You know damn well why, you jerk.
best thing we never had
@constcllate
A man looking in his early thirty, calmly strides in an expensive looking robe and shiny dark dragon hide belts and boots in an empty hallway. The place that’s usually bustling with swarms of students from various years and houses now vacant, leaving him the only person present there, unhurried and relaxed. It’s been more than a decade since he last seen inside these stonewalls, and it leaves him wondering whether the castle still remembers the sound of his steps or not.
Noah takes his time in in every movement of his feet, eyes darting from one painting to another, recognizing the old ones he remembers and memorizing the new, foreign ones. The sound of his footsteps echoing in the stone hallway engulfs him in a wave of nostalgia and suddenly he’s back wearing pitch black robes adorned in silver and green attributes, once again being that lanky boy carrying his broomstick clad in muddy Slytherin Quidditch uniform. Like they said, it’s nice to be home again.
The man has a business within the castle, yet there’s no haste in between his feet. He’s aware he’s taking a detour when he should be going to the headmaster’s office right away, but in his defense, it’s disrespectful not to take his time greeting this old friend of a castle first. After walking around the castle for a solid twenty minutes, Noah finally decides that it’s time to see the headmaster. Just as he’s about make a turn towards the Gargoyle Corridor, something bumps into his leg and he immediately halts his stride, only to find a little someone clinging to his leg.
“Oh, hello, love. I didn’t see you there.” Noah tries to shake his leg gently so he can see the little child’s face properly. “Are you hurt?” The man asks. The child looks up to him, the structure of her (? he’s guessing it’s a her from the clothes) face doesn’t seem foreign to him. Noah wonders if she’s a child of someone he knows, the answer seems to be right at the back of his mind but he’s unable to put the puzzle pieces together.
The little girl shakes her head, wide eyes looking straight at him in the way children often look at adults, thoughts unreadable and it’s making him a little nervous. He smiles down at her, hoping he’s not looking like a creepy uncle to her or any one else. “Where’s your parents? Mummy or Daddy? Are you lost?”
soliosxghni-blog reblogged
constcllate
the one that got away.
In his staggering steps, he barely feels his leg knocking against the hard surface of wooden cabinet in his room. His mind is hazy, drunk with alcohol in his system and Elle’s touch upon his skin. He doesn’t notice how he missed their apparate spot a few feet away from his living room. They go in a pace that’s familiar to him, like none of them ever left and they’re more than just revisiting old memories. It’s like they went into a small breach in their reality where everything is fine and nothing ever happened.
“I’m here, sweetheart.” He can feel Elle’s breaths fanning his lips, the smell of alcohol from their mouths and he presses their foreheads together before pulling their tangled bodies to his bed. “I miss you too. It hurts so badly when I think of you and you aren’t by my side.” His lips capture the latter’s once again in a searing kiss, passionate and bordering filthy. One of his hands tangles with Elle’s, pinning her to bed while the other one roams around Elle’s body and pulling her hips flush against his.
Elle grips and hold onto his hand like he’s her lifeline and Noah allow himself to think Elle doesn’t want to let go of the idea of ‘them’. “I miss you so much.” Noah whispers in between their kiss. It’s like he’s not aware of himself, saying all those words that’s pouring down once the dam broke and his true feelings fleeing their cage. “I’m still in love with you. I don’t want anyone else. I still yearn for you even after all these years.” Noah loses the restrain he put on himself, lips pressing open-mouthed kisses on her jawline and down to her neck, his hot breaths hitting the bare skin.
“I want you. Only you, always.” Noah murmurs against the ivory skin, mouth creating line of fire on patches of skin it meets. His fingers rake the goosebumps on her arm, murmuring i love you’s and i miss you’s like he’s chanting a prayer and she’s both the temple and the goddess he prayed to. It all spiraling into a blurry haze, her stuttered breaths and gasps became a distant memory and a fever dream. He thinks he fell asleep with warmth settled snugly in his arms but he woke up with faded heat on the sheet and the ghosts of her scent on his pillows.
Noah woke up with a head-splitting headache, bile at the edge of his throat racing to get out and dread clawing in his chest. Gravity brought him back, slamming him to the ground and reality is a merciless mistress like how it’s always been. She’s gone and it’s terrifying to realize how they both never learn from their past mistakes.
love is a dangerous thing. so is guilt. love turns into lust and burns everything she had built until that moment, only leaving its charred remains for her to cry on and the guilt that settles heavy on her soul.
in this case, it comes with an excruciating headache that quakes her universe from its axis. elle wakes up to a softly-snoring noah, face looking uncharacteristically angelic and almost child-like. the pout on his lips like a boy’s that doesn’t want their favorite toy to be taken away from them while they sleep. yet at the same time he looks as beautiful as she allows herself to remember.
she bites back the desire to call his name in fear of rousing him from his sleep, opting to trace the black that is his eyebrows with feather light touches. she remembers how hard it was to pry noah’s arms from herself a long time ago, and its better to cut things cleanly than to leave any loose ends. the equation is no longer blurred now with no trace of alcohol in her veins. one plus one equals two, she cannot stay for her own good. noah was a history lesson she learned to not repeat the same mistake.
even a dull task such as dressing up is difficult when she’s trying to keep herself together. eyes burning and the lump in her throat preventing her from breathing as she takes in the sight of noah’s sleeping figure one last time. his warm chocolate eyes. soft hair. words of love and adoration. but elle won’t mourn for it. it isn’t something to be mourned. people come and go, even if they had settled long enough to build a home in her heart.
tomorrow, they’re going to be strangers again. noah is going to be paired with someone else, and so does she. missions will take up too much of their time to let any chance of reunion slip in between. they will continue to play reality’s game, no matter how unfair it is. that’s what adults do. suck it up and move on.
she thought about kissing him goodbye. a lingering one to seal their fate. but in the end she just left without any physical trace. only her scent and warmth comforting noah until reality slaps him on the face as well. a soft smile plays on her lips instead of falling tears when she finally closed the door on her back.
tomorrow is going to be a better day.
END THREAD
soliosxghni-blog reblogged
we’re only getting older.
baekhyun let out a yelp at chanyeol’s sudden movement, wincing as he felt the younger’s hand pressing bruises onto his shoulder. chanyeol looks bewildered–almost insane. there’s something primal in his eyes with the way he’s holding baekhyun like he’s holding the edge of a cliff from falling to the chasm below. “y-yeol. it hurts.” the redhead learned his lessons yesterday–he doesn’t want chanyeol to yell at him again. he tries to speak as softly as he can.
slender digits come to cup the male’s face tenderly. his hands are also trembling, fingertips freezing from the gravity of the situation. looking at chanyeol like this… crying and begging for him to not leave… it saddens him, and at the same time, scares him. never in their history of being together has baekhyun seen this side of chanyeol. he had seen him livid, but never like this.
perhaps this is a sign. chanyeol really does love him so much.
the words dies in his throat as soon as chanyeol sings out his. the realization turning his blood ice cold. his grip on chanyeol’s cheeks loosens up. “no one cares…?” suddenly the dream he so dreaded of replay in his mind. he’s just a freak. nobody would want to be near him. chanyeol was a kind soul–an exception. he was kind enough to love baekhyun and treat him better than everyone ever did. “not even jongup…? jeonghan…? veneris? everyone?”
Chanyeol cups the elder’s face in return, gaze hard and firm to Baekhyun’s eyes. “Even them, Baekhyun. One day when they’ll all get busy with their own lives, they’ll forget about us. Don’t you notice how rarely we meet them after our graduation?” He lovingly strokes the latter’s cheeks, his own breathing starting to slow down as Baekhyun’s touch calming the storm raging in him.
“Friends are replaceable, love. Don’t you remember how everyone came and left once they’re bored of you? But what we have is different from friendship, you’re irreplaceable to me, you’re my one and only love. I’m the only one who understands you.” Chanyeol combs Baekhyun’s hair with his fingers, handling each strands carefully like they’re made out of glass. He’s calmed down now, no longer teetering on the state of hysteria.
Chanyeol gently pulls his lover into his arms, whispering to him in soft voice, still combing the latter’s hair, “One day, love, they’ll forget about us. After they get married they’re going to be busy with their own life, building families or career and it was as if we were never there. But that’s why I’m here. I’ll always be by your side. I stayed with you, threading future when you’re sure you have nothing.” He laces their hands together, firmly kissing the dainty fingers. “For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.
“Everybody else, they’re are temporary, unlike me. I won’t hurt you, not again, I’m not like those who had left you in the past. One mistake is enough. I’ll always be there for you, if you’ll let me. Please give me another chance, I promise I won’t repeat what happened last night, ever.” There’s that gleam in his eyes, the kind that’s similar to the one that’s showing when Chanyeol has made up his mind and/or is determined to do something, only darker and would sends chill to those who thinks the know him. He hugs Baekhyun a little tighter, possessively holding him like he’ll never let go. I’m the only one who sees your light Baekhyun. I made you shine the brightest, no one can ever compares to me. I’m the one who loves you the most, after all.
soliosxghni-blog reblogged
we’re only getting older.
a chuckle escapes chapped lips, tears continue to flow like a steady raindrop rolling upon glass. even after what he had done to him, after the wound he inflicted on chanyeol both physically and mentally, the younger still dotes over him like how a mother would. he even caught a cold just to save his poor excuse of a partner from drowning. baekhyun thought he had outgrew his old self; the child incapable of doing anything right that everyone takes care of. but in the end it was just a facade.
the other’s attempt to wipe his tears only causes him to cry even harder. his jaw clenched tighter, trying to hold back the sobs from pouring. “i’m fine.” he croaks out, voice as pathetic as his current self. the memories of his brother coming back in a rush of flashing images. now that the legilimency to break his mind wasn’t enough, his brother resorted to direct physical contact. a trembling snort sounds. honestly. even his brother wanted him dead so bad.
still, he has to apologize to chanyeol.
“look-” the tears won’t stop. the restricting feeling in his chest only gets tighter. “i’m sorry. i’m sorry i was such a brat. i was too busy wallowing in self-pity i didn’t notice that you were suffering as well.” he has to keep his voice level. chanyeol doesn’t need baekhyun to start wailing like a baby. “i’m sorry i can’t be the proper fiance for you. i–” his voice breaks this time. “i hurt you. i promised i wouldn’t. i’m so fucked up. i’m sorry.”
he’s smart enough to understand that he has no place to force chanyeol to stay. and he wouldn’t, of course. baekhyun wipes the tears from his eyes roughly, before cracking a strained smile to the other for probably the last time–the one that shows his teeth and stretches until his cheeks. “i understand if you want out. don’t force yourself into staying. i promise i’ll be fine.”
“Shh, it’s okay, love. It’s okay. We’re okay.” Chanyeol frantically wipes tears rolling down his beloved’s face. “It’s okay, I’m not mad! Was a little surprised but it’s all fine now. You did nothing wrong, love. You’re stressed and it was my fault for pushing you just because I couldn’t handle myself. I’m so sorry, please forgive me!” He kisses the other male’s hands hurriedly, panicking because he made Baekhyun cried.
He pulls Baekhyun to his chest, rubbing circles on his back as he shushing Baekhyun like he’s calming a terrified child. “It wasn’t your fault, love. We’re both tired, alright. Shh, shh, we’re okay, you are safe with me, dear. I’ve got you here. No one will hurt you when I’m here.” Chanyeol kisses the elder’s forehead firmly, holding the smaller built tightly as if he’s about to disappear and Chanyeol will only find his dead body floating on the surface of the river.
His thoughts darkens as he remember the incident the night before. I should’ve killed him. Tear open his neck and stuff his mouth with his own intestines. He snarls as the thought of gutting Baekhyun’s brother sends tingly thrill in his bloodstream, his arms hugging Baekhyun tighter. “I’ll murder your brother when I find him. It seems I’ll kill plenty of otters during the hunt.” He smiles to himself at that thought, trying to calm Baekhyun again as he gently wipes those tears. “Don’t worry, he won’t bother you anymore. I’ll make sure of it.”
His eyes widens at the latter’s offer, his insides feel like being drenched with cold water. “Wh--what do you mean by that? No no no nonono nono no NO! Don’t leave me!” Chanyeol grips both of Baekhyun’s shoulders thightly, eyes wide staring at Baekhyun searching for ‘just joking!’ in the latter’s eyes, clearly looking horrified by that suggestion. “I just got you back, please, please don’t leave me! I’m so sorry, I’ll never say something like that to you ever again, just don’t tell me to leave, please!!” The hands that’s holding Baekhyun are shaking so badly, ice cold to touch and his face drained of colors. The sound of his heartbeats deafen his ears, his mind racing and fear almost cripples him. No, he DOESN’T want to break up. He DOESN’T want to leave Baekhyun and he DOESN’T want Baekhyun to leave him.
“Please, no...” He pitifully pleads, voice uneven and shaky as his eyes start burning. “I only have you. We only have each other. No one cares about us as much as we do to each other. No one loves you like how I love you! They don’t understand you Baekhyun, only I do and it’s because I love you so much and I care about you.” He had started crying somewhere around his speech, the drops of his tears feel like they’re scorching his skin.
“Please love, forgive me. Give me another chance, please. I won’t make another mistake like this, please, I don’t know what happened to me but I’ll never treat you like that ever again. I love you. I love you, Baekhyun. Don’t do this to me.” He starts hyperventilates for a while, choking on his gasps of breath and sobs. The idea of him living without the person he cherishes so much terrifies him, the idea of watching yet another important person in his life leaving him again is devastating him. “Don’t do this to me...”
soliosxghni-blog reblogged
the one that got away.
hesitation hits her like a freight train. mind suddenly sobering up when noah kisses her back just as fervently. it tastes like their love once upon a time and sweet memories of a spring in hogwarts. the act itself drives elle’s heartbeat into a staccato rhythm as she pulls dark strands to kiss noah harder. to distract her from the regret creeping up her chest like acid. she misses him so much, the way their bodies slot together and noah’s touches upon her skin. regret can visit later, along with the nausea and headache provided by the hangover for sure.
it seem that her body had gain control of itself when her head bobs a small nod. right now she just wants noah, she just wants him to remind her what it feels like to be loved by him again, regardless of the lie behind it. her senses full of noah that she ignored the tugging sensation of disapparating. wet, earthy scent changing into a smell of detergent and cotton–like home.
“i miss you.” she croaks when their lips finally parted, fingers tugging on noah’s dress shirt. “i miss you so much.” her chest clenches with each words spoken, another lump forming in her throat. but elle swallows it with difficulty. she doesn’t want to ruin this now by crying. “noah.” i love you.
In his staggering steps, he barely feels his leg knocking against the hard surface of wooden cabinet in his room. His mind is hazy, drunk with alcohol in his system and Elle’s touch upon his skin. He doesn’t notice how he missed their apparate spot a few feet away from his living room. They go in a pace that’s familiar to him, like none of them ever left and they’re more than just revisiting old memories. It’s like they went into a small breach in their reality where everything is fine and nothing ever happened.
“I’m here, sweetheart.” He can feel Elle’s breaths fanning his lips, the smell of alcohol from their mouths and he presses their foreheads together before pulling their tangled bodies to his bed. “I miss you too. It hurts so badly when I think of you and you aren’t by my side.” His lips capture the latter’s once again in a searing kiss, passionate and bordering filthy. One of his hands tangles with Elle’s, pinning her to bed while the other one roams around Elle’s body and pulling her hips flush against his.
Elle grips and hold onto his hand like he’s her lifeline and Noah allow himself to think Elle doesn’t want to let go of the idea of ‘them’. “I miss you so much.” Noah whispers in between their kiss. It’s like he’s not aware of himself, saying all those words that’s pouring down once the dam broke and his true feelings fleeing their cage. “I’m still in love with you. I don’t want anyone else. I still yearn for you even after all these years.” Noah loses the restrain he put on himself, lips pressing open-mouthed kisses on her jawline and down to her neck, his hot breaths hitting the bare skin.
“I want you. Only you, always.” Noah murmurs against the ivory skin, mouth creating line of fire on patches of skin it meets. His fingers rake the goosebumps on her arm, murmuring i love you's and i miss you's like he's chanting a prayer and she's both the temple and the goddess he prayed to. It all spiraling into a blurry haze, her stuttered breaths and gasps became a distant memory and a fever dream. He thinks he fell asleep with warmth settled snugly in his arms but he woke up with faded heat on the sheet and the ghosts of her scent on his pillows.
Noah woke up with a head-splitting headache, bile at the edge of his throat racing to get out and dread clawing in his chest. Gravity brought him back, slamming him to the ground and reality is a merciless mistress like how it's always been. She's gone and it's terrifying to realize how they both never learn from their past mistakes.
soliosxghni-blog reblogged
the one that got away.
she is drunk enough to fall asleep on the streets at any second, but sober enough to snort at noah’s offer. the thought of sleeping anywhere that reeks of him makes her heart clench again . “give me back my shoes.” her arms flailed blindly, head beginning to pound. the alcohol is wearing off already and she dreads the hangover that is about to come in the morning. throwing up while crying your eyes out on the toilet bowl–what a pathetic sight it would be. everyone in the auror department would love to get their hands on a picture, a cynical thought surfaces.
elle tries to stand up–keyword tries–only to stumble forward and nearly faceplant on the concrete ground if she didn’t catch her step in the last second. ugh, she’s never going drinking again. at least not without her bestfriend. brown eyes then shift to noah’s, searching for the slightest hint of ulterior motives behind the kind gesture; anything to convince her that she hates noah. you hate him. you’re leaving him tomorrow. he didn’t change. he’s still the snake that crept to her bedside and slithered into her heart years ago, injecting venom into her heart and leave it to rot.
but no. this noah is different. this noah is considerate, kind, gentle, genuine–everything he wasn’t before. a small voice in her mind thinks maybe he deserves a second chance after all. maybe she should just drop the charade and stay true to herself.
“i still love you.” she whispers, hoping it doesn’t reach his ears. but it does, especially when she’s pulling his neck close again and her whispers are fanned against his lips. without her heels, noah’s height is towering her 5′1 build. this time the kiss doesn’t taste salty, because she’s not crying anymore. it started out gentle, but soon she’s kissing him with urgency–just like back in school–with teeth tugging on his lower lip and digits buried in the black strands.
i don’t want to let go.
Noah tries to grab her by her elbow in case she really going to fall to her face like a knee-jerk reaction, ignoring the pang in his heart when she refused the offering hand he offered to her. He sees suspicion flashing in her eyes and he tries to tell himself that it’s a normal thing to suspect him, he wasn’t a noble person back then but he stands his ground intending to convince her he really means no harm.
The whisper really catches his attention. The tall male’s eyes widens, mouth hangs open in surprise and he’s far too stunned to react right away when Elle was pulling him to her. Noah stiffens when his brain registered that Elle is kissing him--holy fuck she’s kissing me!!--before all thought drowned in rocketed heartbeats. He tries to break out from her grasp, whispering a weak, “Don’t do this to us--” when his brain short-circuited as Elle bites his lower lip and tugging his hair like the way he remembers her kissing him in their old glories.
Noah groans into the kiss, feeling himself losing the restrains he had carefully built around them. The restrain that prevented him from begging her to come back to him, from hugging or taking her hands in his when she clearly didn’t want to get near him. But he’s not fooling anyone, not even himself. He had allowed himself to give in to his longing for her, the yearning that’s getting too unbearable that he had to ask for more of her time all for himself. Noah kisses her back, the palm of his hand supporting the back of her head.
He takes the lead of the kiss, his other free arm pulling her closer to him until their bodies are flush against each other. Noah is weak, he can’t refuse her even when he had told himself should let go of them. He doesn’t want to and that’s why he’s not letting go now. Elle is here with him again, he’s not letting her go. His lips moving hungrily against hers, hugging her lithe stature tight as if he fears she’s going to disappear anytime.
“I miss you. I miss you so much, god. I still love you too.” He says from between their kiss. Noah sways in his feet, feeling like he’s going to fall down if they keeps going in that pace and never did he curse alcohol that’s thrumming in his system as much as he does in the moment. “My place,” He breaths to her lips, tongue tasting the alcohol on the other’s mouth. “I don’t think I can support us standing and kissing in the middle of the street like this for a long time.”
soliosxghni-blog reblogged
the one that got away.
the kiss ended just like how it started; out of the blue and knocking all thoughts out of her mind. she tries not to recoil at the loss of his warmth around her, and perhaps it was the alcohol that caused her to trip on air when noah finally pulls away. her vision is blurry from the tears and spinning at the same time. elle leans back on the streetlight, trying to gather herself. she has never been this drunk before.
“home.” she laughs, albeit choked with the tears that hasn’t ceased to roll down her cheeks. her home. where is it? all elle remembers is noah. his deep voice. his warm yet penetrating gaze. his gentle touches. “i don’t remember.” her laughter only gets louder. it’s hilarious. really. this entire situation.
years of trying to erase noah from her thoughts. years of pushing herself to move on and the constant self-reassurances. she thought she could face him with a smile, saying ‘i’m over you’ with a firm tone. but the moment noah comes with tears in his eyes and apologies on his tongue all her defenses crash down. image of the brilliant and fearsome auror melts into a puddle of goo, looking as pathetic as the real eleanora inside. the sixteen years old girl with a broken dignity and shattered heart.
why can’t she just push him away? say all those hurtful things to drive him off of her back?
she slumps down on the roadblock by the sidewalk, taking her heels off and throws it by her side. “just leave me here. sooner or later i’m going to be sober enough to remember and regret everything that just happened.” closes her eyes. merlin, this is going to take a while to flush down. just how much did she drink? “go home, noah. i forgive you. i don’t want you to regret things twice.”
The cold night air sobers him up slightly. Loosening the tie around his neck, Noah rubs the heel of his palm to his eyes tiredly. The way Elle sways on her feet reminds him of that girl in his youth, looking lost and a little unsure with life and it reminds him that she’s indeed someone from his past, not the dedicated and stern ministry official he sees on his weekdays.
"No, no don’t be like that.” Noah picks up her shoes and holding them for her. He sternly look at her like a father would look at his misbehaving daughter. “You’re drunk right now, if you’re sober I won’t worry too much if you ask me to leave you. Do you have friends around here to crash at their place for a night?” Noah extends his hand to help Elle get up on her feet.
“If there’s none... er,” His brain screams that it’s such a bad idea the thought he has in mind but he ignores it, claiming that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep if he leaves her on the street in that kind of state. “If you can’t remember anyone’s address, then please stay over in my place for tonight. I’m worried, please.” Noah pleads. He tries to ignore the whisper of thought that says he’s just trying to steal more of her time before he lost her forever. This is just him trying to take care of a ‘friend’, he cares about her, maybe not just like a friend but he really does.
soliosxghni-blog reblogged
we’re only getting older.
@soliosxghni
the first thing that registers in his head was the warmth settling upon his entire body, followed by the soft breathing upon his neck. eyelids flutter open slowly only to clench down again as the light sends a jolt of pain in his skull. baekhyun smells the familiar scent of their bedroom, the soft cotton of the comforter and the menthol of chanyeol’s shampoo–
chanyeol.
he tries to sit up, but the weight across his stomach prevents him to do so. his right hand felt restrained, and only then baekhyun realized chanyeol has been latching his fingers around his so tightly he can feel their clammy hands gliding on each other. the younger is still fast asleep, so peaceful baekhyun doesn’t have the heart to wake him up. his unoccupied hands reaches out to swipe a stray strands out of chanyeol’s face, before leaving light traces on the outline of chanyeol’s face.
his eyes shifted to the wound on chanyeol’s upper arm, a chunk of flesh missing from it. something prevents him from breathing when the recollection of that night plays in baekhyun’s head again. he didn’t mean it. he would never hurt chanyeol on purpose. he’d rather jump down from the astronomy tower. “i’m sorry.” this time tears fall onto the other’s cheek. “i’m so sorry, chanyeol. i made this happen. i hurt you.”
The younger male stirs in his sleep, leaning to the touch briefly before his eyelids snaps open. He jolts awake and sits up straight, clasping their entwined hands as he starts fussing like a mother hen. “Baekhyun?? You’re awake? How are you feeling? Are you in pain? How’s your breathing? Merlin! I’m so worried! Are you still feeling cold? Do you need anything? Food or drink or--do you need to go to the toilet? Can you walk?” Chanyeol fires the questions in a speed of light.
His other hand is busy checking his pupils, patting the elder’s face to check any signs of discomfort. He realizes that the latter’s crying and he wipes the tears rolling down Baekhyun’s face with gentle touch. “Are you in pain? Tell me where it hurts, let me see it.” He had made sure of healing the other’s wounds last night but maybe he missed something since he was panicking.
Chanyeol had forgotten to put on some clothes on Baekhyun last night, not wanting to shake him too much. There are dried bloodstains on the sheets and the inside of the comforter, the younger doesn’t know whose blood they belongs to, his or Baekhyun’s. Probably theirs. “Are your wounds hurting? Do you want some painkillers--?” Chanyeol pauses to sneeze, sniffling for a bit before his hand looking blindly for some tissue for him to blow his nose. He just realized that he has a runny nose and he groans at the thought of catching cold.
“Sorry about that. Do you need anything?” Chanyeol asks behind the tissue, worry still present in his eyes and voice.
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the one that got away.
liar, liar. she wants to scream. noah park doesn’t cry. noah park doesn’t say ‘i love you’ to any girl. noah park only breaks people’s hearts for his own entertainment and take everything for himself. he’s a hurricane; thrashing her thoughts and her feelings only to leave a trail of destruction at his wake, hearts shattered, tears shed. a hurricane does not stop for a single wilted flower in the meadows. he had discarded dozens of girls before so heartlessly, what makes someone like eleanora bae any different?
i love you too. i always have.
“get away from me.” her words are laced with venom, but there’s no attempt to push the male away. her eyes are beginning to get tired from crying. she can hear the storm brewing far away, but still not a match to the one brewing inside her gut. “what else do you want? i don’t have anything else to offer to you.” it hurts. it hurts. to be taken for granted right after giving her first. she trusted noah with all of her, taking a massive risk that the old eleanora wouldn’t even think of, only to find out it was just a bet. it felt like a giant slap to her face, a massive blow to her self-esteem and like a salt rubbed on the injury.
she’s dead set on forgetting him, on leaving it behind for good. at least until noah pressed his lips on hers and suddenly all thoughts fly out of the window. he kisses her like once upon a time. his arms snug around the dip of her waist and slightly chapped lips moving across her roseate ones. for a moment everything feels alright again. they’re standing on the quidditch field, noah in his quidditch attire and elle in her oversized sweater. the rain is starting but none of them cares when noah has the house cup trophy in his hands. the battle of hogwarts never happened. noah never took a bet with his friends. elle is… elle.
and maybe she actually misses it. the feeling of having noah’s arms around her and his gentle touches. his baritone voice humming cheesy love songs to her and his head on her lap, facing the blue sky above as they hang around on the bench by the quidditch’s arena. hands clasped and laughters shared. the sensation of having the world to themselves.
so she kisses him back–not the gentle type of kiss–the angry one, releasing her pent up feelings for over 10 years. slender digits pushes his neck closer to her, pressing against each other until the only thing that separates them are their clothes. “i hate you.’ she breaths out between kisses. it’s hard to talk with the giant slump in her throat. “i hate you so much… why can’t you just leave me alone? why can’t you just let me live in peace?”
"I’m sorry. Please just--” He let out a trembling sigh, fingers combing Elle’s hair so carefully as if they’re as fragile as strings made out of spider webs. “Just let me hold you for a moment, please.” I need you, please forgive my selfishness. I need to hold you just for a few seconds.
Elle’s so familiar that it feels like she never left, but he knows even in his alcohol ridden mind he can’t ignore the large gaping hole she left when she took a chunk of him with her away. He swears he’s about to tell her about the bet, and how he was about to confess to her how the bet didn’t matter to him anymore after half the time he spent with her.
But it seemed fate wouldn’t let him off the hook so easily. She’s always been so stubborn, that her stone-hard head wouldn’t believe anything else after she had made her own mind. This is his punishment and he’ll gladly take it. But who is he to deny his own heart, he couldn’t lie to himself anymore and here he is, destroying the brittle stage both she and him set for a lousy play about them pretending that everything is alright.
He misses her. He misses her so bad. Noah has never pleaded so pitifully in his life before, and he’s not sure if it was the alcohol or just him finally breaking and crumbling into uneven pieces of himself. “It’s okay. Hate me. I deserve it, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Elle is still so familiar in his arms, but she’s far. So far away even when she’s curling in his hold. And Noah had tried to cut that distance, running after her, walking in circles until now he had tripped over himself, laying tired and worn out on the ground, she’s still so far away. So now he’s kissing her like he’s drowning in cold water. He’s numb, the only thing he knows and instinctively doing is to kiss her like she’s the air he breathes. But the truth is she’s the freezing ocean and he’s only filling his lungs with water. He doesn’t know why he’s sinking, all he knows is he’s breathing and breathing and breathing.
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[BT] Night’s Young, So are We
soliosxghni-blog reblogged
the one that got away.
the tears confuses her for a second. he has never cried before–not even after a particularly nasty defeat against other houses during quidditch. noah park doesn’t cry. he deals with loss in his own ways, and that doesn’t include bawling his eyes out like this. he sees it as a weakness, showing feelings in front of someone, even his own then girlfriend. not even a single expression when she confronted him about the bet back then, a wince when she gave him a hard slap, and elle couldn’t bear to watch his face anymore when she chose to turn her back on him afterwards. ignoring him like he doesn’t even exist.
it was for the best, after all. her own bestfriend had a rough patch with her own slytherin boyfriend after the revelation. she didn’t want to ruin other people’s happiness just because she lost hers. rather than throwing hexes at noah everytime she sees him, she chose to stop acknowledging his existence. even when he tried to drag her away from the battle against death eaters–his parents.
but in reality, elle didn’t want him to see her breaking. she didn’t want him to see how ruined she was after what he did to her. his voice, his face. just his presence was enough to trigger the emotional wreck out of her.
and now, knowing noah is just as stuck in the past as she is gives her mixed feelings. “shut up-” her voice hoarse, fingertips tighten around the glass. jaw clenched in a futile attempt to hold back her tears. after months of holding back. months of not addressing the elephant in the room. it all comes down to this moment. it’s unfair. it’s fucking unfair.
“you don’t- you don’t get to say that.” she tries her best not to cry, but her last defense was breached and the dam has been broken. she wants to punch him, kick him, make him feel all the things she felt back then. she wants him to know how bad it hurts. “you don’t… you don’t get to say that and expect things will be normal again for us the next day.” pushes him off his chair, she starts screaming. no care for the eyes around them. let the world hear this, let the world be the witness of this. “after a year of acting like partners you think it’s okay for you to do this to me? to bring the past back up? you think you’re the only one who’s suffering, you piece of shit?”
she keeps pushing him, until her arms lost their strength and elle is reduced to a crying mess by the counter, with her heart now on her sleeve and care for her own reputation thrown out of the window. her voice was broken–defeated–when she finally gathers her things from the counter. “really–how much more do you want to see me suffer until you’re satisfied, noah?”
With every shout and shove Elle gave to him, Noah took it all with no fight at all. He deserves more than that, for everything he’d done to her in the past he deserves punches and kicks or maybe curses and hexes. He made no attempt to stop the flow of tears, not in his rightest of mind to even give a slightest fuck about it. Words of regrets pouring from his lips, repeatedly saying I’m sorry. Dignity be damned, that was what made him lost her ages ago.
“No. It’s the last thing I want to see.” He inhales shakily. He grasps Elle’s forearm, shaking his head like a child. “I don’t want to hurt you, I’m so sorry. Don’t leave me.” Noah reaches his hand out, fingers wiping the tears on her face carefully. The pain in his chest had him gasping for air and he pulls Elle to his chest on impulse as if doing so will lessen then pain.
His arms wrap around her smaller figure protectively like they still remember how to hold her despite the years that passed them by. “I’m sorry I always make you cry, I really am. I’m sorry that I’m always so selfish, I’m sorry that I always hurt you.” Noah murmurs, his the side of lips brushing against the shell of her ears slightly.
Noah inhales another breath like it’s an arduous task, and he get a lungful of her scent instead. He tightens his hold, her smell intensifies his feeling of longing for her and it reminds him of how much he misses her. “Elle. Elle, my love.” He sobs to her shoulder, still refusing to let go. He had always been so selfish, and even now when he had changed so much the pieces of his old self catching up with present time.
“I still love you. I never stopped. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He presses his lips to the latter’s neck, still murmuring his honest and barest feelings. He’s naked and vulnerable to her, he shows her everything he is now, a shell of a man that is full of longing and regret. Everything he had done to her in the past came back and haunting him in every chance they have. He doesn’t stop them, not allowing himself to forget, not allowing himself to forget her.
Noah Park was a vile, greedy creature, that keeps yearning for someone he hurt beyond belief. Whose arrogance and ignorance had costed many innocents and hearts to grow crooked and filled with acidic bitterness. He is now was the shadow of the person he was, keeping his silence more and following the flow. But just like how shadows are a vague resemblance of their characters, he’s hurting her yet again by refusing to let her go whether he realized it or not in his intoxicated mind. All he know is how bad he misses her and the next thing that happened is how he pressed his lips to hers to ease his own longing. Truly, he’s a cruel person.
We both remember those Sunday mornings. Hours of lazy kisses and breakfast in bed. We shared a mug because you always spill your drink and I could taste the coffee on your lips. You used to taste like sugar and you said I taste almost the same.
“What happened to us?”
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“Thank you, but I think I’ll pass the opportunity no matter how tempting it is.” Chanyeol replied flatly. He cradled his second bottle of fire whiskey, taking tiny sips of its content, still sober if not a little tipsy. He didn’t mean to blurt out the question, a slight slip of his tongue after seeing how fast the man beside him downed his drinks. Why the hell did he have so many alcoholic beverage if it’s just for the two of them?
“It does wonder, truly.” He chuckled bitterly. The past years post graduation had been a quite wild ride, last week incident between him and Baekhyun was the ‘best’ part of that ride, if by the best he meant the worst. From their first fight ever after hopping onto a relationship to Baekhyun’s near death experience, it’s a wonder he wakes up every morning to check for any grey hair and he didn’t see any. “How did it go for you? What happened so far after we left Hogwarts? Can’t be worse than what happened to me I’m sure.” He threw the latter a small smirk.