ice hockey nicknames be like:
also, assigned babygirl/angel/wifey by wikipedia:
update: new sidney crosby nicknames dropped over the weekend
ice hockey nicknames be like:
also, assigned babygirl/angel/wifey by wikipedia:
update: new sidney crosby nicknames dropped over the weekend
It took a lot of work at every level, but I think now people finally understand what I’ve always known. I’m not a grinder. I’m not a gimmick. And, in general, I’m just not a big guy. But I don’t need to be. I’m a hockey player.
Johnny Gaudreau. August 13, 1993 - August 29, 2024
the kind of gay representation i want from marvel is simple. i want to hear a grindr noise from bucky’s phone while he and sam are staking a place out and sam is like come ON dude
this and the stakeout is in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Bucky pulls out his phone like he’s about to swipe right on Greg-the-Henchman, mostly to fuck with Sam.
Meanwhile, Greg-the-Henchman, showing off this hot match he just made and his buddy Jake-the-Henchman, who is more up to date on the briefings, just “...Is that the winter soldier.’
and there is a single moment. before they both remember that grindr is proximity based. “Oh FUCK we gotta GO!”
Jake Thehenchman: Wait is it just me... or is that the winter soldier
Greg Theotherhenchman: Aw dang it, I'm being catfished?
Jake: Do a reverse google image search
Greg: ...I'm not finding it
Jake: Wait
Greg: Wait.
Jake: Is that his actual profile?!
Greg: holy shit, I got swiped on by the Actual Winter Soldier!?! The man hangs out with Captain America and he swiped on me!?!
Jake: He sure did, buddy! Congratulations.
Greg: Wow. The Winter Soldier
Jake: Yeah.
Greg: Crazy.
Jake: Yup. Hey, ask him if Sam Wilson is single for me.
Greg: I'll do it right now. Hes only 20 feet away--
Jake:
Greg:
Greg & Jake: SHIT!!!!!!
@not-close-to-straight
Stony
Tony teasing everyone that he’s the best in bed, he’s literally excellent at sex, that’s why he’s still the worlds most eligible bachelor at 42
Steve snorts “no way to prove it, people just say you’re good in bed because of your money, no one insults billionaires”
Tony is literally the most offended he’s ever been in his life, literally the most offended, actually speechless and can only make high pitched offended noises in Steves general direction
Sets out to seduce the SHIT out of Captain America, pulls out all his best tricks, all his ridiculous moves, even waxes you know where because whether Steves down for some oral or not at some point Mr “people only say that cos you’re rich” is gonna be kissing Tony’s ass and begging forgiveness.
So much seduction. Much sexiness. Steve being an absolute Minute Man but like three times over because BOY HOWDY he was not prepared for Tony Stark on the Nekkid Prowl.
Tony ends up enjoying the hell out of it, not faking the effort at all, actually forgetting at some point that he’s supposed to be proving a point because he and Steve fit together just that well.
And afterwards he asks “see? Arent I the best?” And steve says
“The best I’ve ever had for sure, that was my first time. Wow”
And Tony has a full blown crisis over not being emotionally prepared to have popped the All American Cherry and starts booking therapy sessions with Sam and whining about how he wouldn’t have tried to tea bag himself to death on Captain Patriots Star Spangled Balls if he had only KNOWN the guy was a virgin.
Finally after a solid two weeks of Tony’s shame and emotional crisis and way to many descriptions of what Tony WOULD have done instead of what he ACTUALLY did, Sam swoops down with his wings and dangles Steve over the edge of the building and demands
“You tell Stark you are not a virgin and are in fact a Star Spangled Ho right now or so help me God I’ll drop you, the guy is literally making me insane thinking he stole your virtue or something.”
Steve refuses, he’s holding out for a marriage proposal, that’s only the proper thing to do after a fella like Tony compromises him like that.
Sam threatens, Bruce threatens, Clint and Natasha threaten....
Bucky gets wind of the rumour, laughs until he throws up and then tells Tony “gimme a break. Steve a virgin? The gals in the USO tour didn’t call him the Man with a Plan, they called him The Man Without Pants. Steve popped it before I did, where did you ever get the idea he’s a virgin.”
Steve is served the next day with summons to court, Tony Stark is suing him to the tune of $100k, his shield, an authentic copy of the glittery tights he wore with the USO and all rights to every dorky commercial he’s ever produced as compensation for emotional distress and near religious repentance.
“I WENT TO SEE A PRIEST!”
“And was confession good for the soul?”
“THERE IS GOING TO BE A MURDER IN THIS HOUSE TONIGHT ROGERS! MARK MY WORDS!”
“Your ass when I plow it?”
The last thing everyone hears is Tony making all those high pitched offended noises again but then a bedroom door slams and everybody starts taking bets on how long it will be before Tony drops the lawsuit.
IM FUCKING SCREECHING. This is everything I need, good fucking lord. The man without pants I love you so much @not-close-to-straight
Happy bday @brandnewfashion!
****
“Oh my god,” Tony said. He turned abruptly so he was facing Steve, turning his back to most of the rest of the room, and took a deep drink from his cup like he needed the fortification.
It was Diet Coke, so Steve doubted it was going to do the job Tony was hoping for.
loki as brooklyn 99′s gina linetti…
bonus:
(shoutout to @eralkfang and @reserve for the idea!)
I CANT BREATHE
lmao!
So Thor and Loki carry hair drier all the time? 😆😂😂
there is no discourse between gen z and millenials. we are siblings. come on lil bro, ill take you to amc. yeah we can go there early and play the arcade games before the movie starts.
Can we get popcorn and a drink to share :)
we sure can buddy, we sure can
Why do the two reblogs read like a soldier dying in their friends arms and talking about when they’ll get back home to give them a bit of comfort before they die
because have you seen the economy and society lately
So who else misses 2012 and the “they all live in the tower and tony made them separate floors” fanfics after seeing that shit fire angsty trailer
Bold of you to assume I’ve ever moved on from this
Fam, 2013 Avengers fandom is still lit, idk what to tell you. We stopped at Winter Soldier long enough to pick up Bucky and Sam and haven’t looked back since.
Because that’s exactly what Iron Man fans want to read about… not.
On the other hand it IS funny that Tony is in like… half a dozen other events right now that ignore the current Iron Man run completely.
He is simultaneously
1. running for mayor in NYC (Devil‘s Reign)
2. on a superhero date mission with Steve (Captain America/Iron Man)
3. watching the shitshow that is the conclusion of Wanda‘s murder mystery (Trial of Magneto)
4. bro-ing it up with Thor in Asgard (Avengers #51)
5. becoming a god-like being for some godforsaken reason (Cantwell‘s Iron Man run)
Multitasking king 👑
lmao these tags 😭 so true
IT’S CANON [11/???]
Bonus:
Captain America – Infinity Comic #4 (2021)
written by Jay Edidin art by Nico Leon & Dono Sanchez-Almara
I love these two dramatic dumbasses and their bad puns with my whole heart 😭
Captain America/Iron Man #1 (2021)
Captain America/Iron Man #1 (2021)
written by Derek Landy art by Angel Unzueta & Rachelle Rosenberg