Rawr

I tried prunes for the first time ever today and so far

My little sister has some friends over and one of them said that 26 was almost 30 and I whipped my 25 year old head around so fast I think I gave myself whiplash

Someone find me somebody to date please. I just asked my ex situationship if he liked 3-ways

Im currently unemployed and looking for a job

The rich guy I hook up with sometimes has increased the frequency he hits me up to hook up.

In my career search, I am closer to securing a position of “Trophy wife” than I am finding an actual job in my area of interest.

Eat Pussy, it’s kosher

I have a problem with the fact the original pretty little liars series cut the part about Emily’s mom being obsessed with chickens. Like I get they changed the character in so many ways, but they could’ve kept the chickens

“Imagine a room full of everyone you’ve ever slept with”

Well half the men I’ve slept with are Jewish or Asian, so it would probably look like a med school orientation

I just looked up the lyrics to Karma by Taylor Swift because I was trying to figure out if it was “punch you in the face” or “punch you in the ass” but apparently it’s “aren’t you envious that” and I am shook

Today I was telling my boss about how I don’t remember anything from upskilling week and she asked me why. I couldn’t think of a good lie so I told her the truth which was I was having a pregnancy scare that week.

One time at work I got an email that referenced some place called “Djibouti”, and I thought to myself “that sounds like an African country I never bothered to learn the name of”.

Guess what Djibouti is?

I feel like Mamma Mia is probably a shitty movie to watch on a plane after having an unprotected threesome, but I love me some ABBA

Why do trans people love crochet?

Because knitting is too binary for them

Tumblr is still the best place to find gifs