no 'see results' option because i want you to vote for science

I had to pee really bad and o forgot that I had just sliced jalapeño peppers and the chef is looking nice at me weird because I’m pouring milk on a rag and running to the bathroom

My dick has been on fire for over an hour

I told my chef what happened and he was like “you only make that mistake about fourteen times”

He tells me this story about this time he had gotten out of a chili class in which he had been cutting habenjero peppers all class and he goes back to his dorm and starts finger blasting his girlfriend and she stars SCREECHING.

She he fukin SPRINTS to the dorm prep kitchen and gets a gallon of heavy cream and runs back to the room. He starts pouring this shit all over her Cooze right, and she’s like shoveling cream into her hole. And he’s freaking out. Like he’s so sure that this chick is don’t with him forever.

So they deal with this thing and the cream works and he’s like massaging it into her pussy for like a half an hour because you have to constantly soak it to nullify the habenjero oils or whatever. And she gets INTO IT.

She fucking CUMS

And my chef tells me this stupid ass story and looks me in the eye and says to me

“Nothing says I love you like a gallon of heavy cream in her pussy”

And I think that’s the best sentence I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

Yes good story but WHY IS IT IN LIKE 8 DIFFERENT PARTS DO YOU KNOW WHAT PARAGRAPHS ARE.

ITS THIS. YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE AT WORK AND CANT POST EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME FUCK OFF

its serialized. he’s a modern day dickens

dir. martin scorcese

Wait, if Diancie is a Carbink, does that make it a paradox pokemon?

Out of all the transferable pokemon to SV through pokemon home, Carbink is the only one that isn't either a Hisuian/Alolan/Galarian variant, a starter, or a legendary.

Weird, right?

I just think it's weird.

Okay, like this is really really weird right?

WAIT WAIT WAIT

AM I INSANE?

I THINK IM GOING INSANE

Clearly this is talking about Mega Salamance, but SV is in the Non-Mega timeline. So what is this referring to??? Also, Iron Valiant is clearly a mix of Gardevoir and Gallade, but seems to take attributes from their Mega Evolutions, not their standard designs.

Kalos is connected to this generation some how, and I'm not really sure how but I'm going to figure it out.

Hm. Now that I'm thinking about it, SWSH had a lot of allusions to Kalos's war... and they're all so close in proximity, much like the regions from Gens 1-4.

The ultimate weapon hit Paldea. Not Kalos.

Wait. And Diancie is gifted to you, not found in the wild... Diancie isn't even Kalos native. And none of the Kalos native pokemon can Mega Evolve...

The Terastal gimmick is all about reflective light and crystals. It's just way too 1:1 woth Diancie.

Diancie is a paradox pokemon I'm calling it now. This is just so fucking weird

Also I'm just gonna throw in the Galarian bird trio and Melmatal too. They're weird as fuck and I know they're involved in this somehow.

Totally off topic, but I just accidentally realized Deoxys is probably a side affect of AZ's ultimate weapon misfiring. Interesting how it also mentions having a crystalline body structure. And how it underwent a "sudden mutation" omg

Kinda... like.... Carbink and Diancie...

The cohesion of all this is way too weird. Maybe it's more than just Carbink, Diancie and Deoxys. Are paradox Pokemon simply mutations like Diancie and Deoxys? After further research, the well runs much deeper than just "Diancie is a Paradox Carbink lol!"

(Totally derailing here, but I'm too invested to make a separate post by this point)

I now have a theory for "a virus in space caused AZ's weapon to misfire, creating Deoxys, blasting a hole in Paldea, creating the Darkest Day in Galar thus ending the war between Galar and Unova, and creating Mega Evolution as well as probably Terastalization"

(This is going to be my last addition to this post for a while now unless I find more important connections)

This can't be coincidental because X&Y got delayed TWICE due to Gamefreak also making BW2 along side Gen 6. So, we know this has been planned out since, like, at least Gen 5. Especially since we know about the story between the original dragons, the 2 princes from Unova, and that at the time of the Darkest Day, Galar's royalty was at war with another region, probably Unova's fallen kingdom.

A bit off topic again, but I always thought it was weird that Iris's origins are incredibly vague and ominous, and she looks jarringly similar to Leon from Galar. And, Iris's champion chamber is literally a throne room. And they both use a Haxorus. Idk what it means but something is there.

I got so off topic, but in conclusion:

Something big is coming for Gen 10 and those Unova remakes, and I think Diancie and Carbink are gonna be a big part of SV's DLC. And, if this connects to Mega Evolution, we might actually end up getting an explanation for all those "unfinished/unexplained" tid bits in X&Y. My only other theory is that there was a second weapon created in Paldea but i have no evidence for that besides the Gracia Stones.

What the fuck are you planning Gamefreak?

Edit: I think this is more purposeful than I originally realized. Here's a separate post I made regarding N and Iris and how I think N is actually from Kalos and Iris might be too (but Iris is much less likely).

View the post here

So it's basically confirmed as much as it can be that Kalos was at war with Galar and Paldea, and aided by Unova and perhaps Alola as the Parfum Palace heavily implies such due to the Chandelure hedge, Serperior on the gate, the Golurk statue, and Reshiram and Zekrom ornaments to "honor" their aid. We can probably assume at some point (perhaps even in Gen 10) we'll probably get a region based on Italy to round it all off.

This makes sense, because the Unovan Kingdom would have witnessed the separation of the original dragon back during the war that happened 3,000 years ago like the relic crown implies (which would have been when the two brothers fought) so they would have already been separated. The inclusion of Solrock and Pyroar hedges communicate assistance from Alola as well (it's gotta be a nod to Solgaleo as X&Y did have the Strange Souvenir easter egg to allude to Gen 7) plus Hawaii is an American state after all. Though that's more wishful thinking.

Weird how far in advance Gamefreak planned this out.

“you’re so chill” thanks i grew up around people that did not care about my opinion so i simply do not express it even if i am uncomfortable

did i tell u guys i got into an argument on twitter bc i said foxes are dogs and someone tried to bring up their actual fuckin. classification or whatever and i just said “foxes are dogs cause they are fluffye” and they kept arguing with me. the entire time i was like “you will not survive the immigration to tumblr you are lucky we are not there right now”

This is especially funny because they aren’t even right. Foxes *ARE* dogs.

No they aren’t.

yes they are. because they are fluffye.

OK yes they are.

Dog

Dog

Different family, but same order as @pictures-of-dogs

No, they are the same family. They are the same kingdom, phylum, order and family. They separate at the genus.

They’re a dog.

yeah they’re fluffye

theyre literally not dogs theyre not even fluffy. can we get science tumblr over hear or what!?

checkmate athiests

fluffye

okay but they literally are dogs, for those who are confused

If foxes are dogs, then so are wolves, coyotes, dingoes, jackals, and several other extant and extinct species.

Behold! A dog.

of course it’s a dog you buffoon. it’s fluffye.

Why on earth would someone think “BUT IF THEY’RE DOGS SO AR -”

Like yes of course wolves are dogs, where have you been. Jackals are excellent doggies! So are coyotes. Why is this confusing.

I love that this is literally two completely different arguments running simultaneously.

That guy up there who said they’re not even fluffy was thinking of sharks

sharks are also dogs. ravenous water dogs, but still dogs

Sharks can NOT be dogs they are SMOOTH

Tags via @jenroses

This is how Superhero v. Supervillain dynamics form.

gamechanger has 2 storylines. one is the episode to episode shenanigans, the escalation of games. the other is an extremely slow psychological thriller that exists only between Brennan Lee Mulligan and Sam Reich.

trans bears are literally stronger than any US marine

How on earth would they be able to tell that a bear is trans. I’m not saying they can’t be but how would they communicate that.

:/

this is so fucking funny

update:

we the jury find the defendant not guilty your honor

I found this very funny because I had the same thought

Are there any fics that explore this?

*snorts this post like spice melange*

did yall know the i’m in me mums car vine guy is trans