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sorry im not very active anymore update: haha sike

@trans-cp

Side blog for @voidnextdoor call me Void // they or it pronound
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This sounds cool!

Ship: Polyfrogs

Number: 5

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5) Your Daddy’s Son from Ragtime

Music from those hands could Catch you like a spell He could make you love him 'Fore the tune was done

There’s something mesmerizing about Chowder’s hands. The way he plays goalie is kind of eye-catching in itself, but watching him play piano is an entirely other occupation.

Privately, Dex thinks that Nursey buying a baby grand for their Denver apartment wasn’t actually the waste he’d bitched about when he was 22 and stupid and didn’t know what his NHL contract would mean in real life and didn’t know what Nursey’s royalties would come out to in the next couple years.

Privately, Dex is wondering what kind of piano he can get for their house in Maine so that Chowder has something really nice to play in the summer, too.

Nursey’s behind Dex before Dex can move out of the doorway, transfixed as he is by the magic flowing its way out of Chowder’s hands and into the room.

“I know you’re standing there,” Chowder says, still playing, fingers still flying. “There’s furniture in here, babes.”

Dex makes a kind of strangled noise, and he feels Nursey choke on air.

“Not blind, just playing,” their boyfriend adds. “I’ll stop if you keep standing there like weirdos.”

“Uh,” Nursey adds, helpful as always.

Chowder switches to the Jaws theme, which is kind of startling enough to get Nursey moving. 

Dex slides in behind Chowder instead and drapes himself over his boyfriend instead, and Nursey, after a moment, follows him. 

“Piano bench is uncomfortable for hug piles,” Chowder comments, but Dex can feel his smile against his bicep so the point is kind of moot.

“Music rings true to the soul,” Nursey mutters into Chowder’s hair, sounding half-asleep.

“Mhh-hm,” Chowder says, and shares a look with Dex, one that says you’re carrying him and also I love you so much.

“If you weren’t so good we wouldn’t have to hug you,” Dex mumbles gruffly, and Chowder laughs, bright and glad.

“Just remember we have to save our cellys for after games, now,” he tells Dex.

It’s true - since joining the NHL and playing without Nursey and Chowder, Dex has gotten an awful lot ore post-game cuddles, ostensibly to make up for the ones he missed out on in the game, but probably just because his boyfriends are cuddle monsters.

“I’m going to be a pancake, soon,” Chowder says, after a moment, so Dex hauls Nursey into his arms and carries him into their bedroom and into bed, and they all tumble in together, arms around arms and legs over legs, breath mingling and skin touching, love pressed against love.

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parvuls

a video I'm sure exists in the omgcp universe: a collection of short clips called "Every Name Eric Bittle Has Been Called By Friends And Family (that isn't his actual name)"

the video is a fast-paced edit put together by one of bitty's viewers, consisting of -

  1. an instagram story featuring shitty bursting through the providence apartment's door yelling "BITTYYYY!"
  2. a twitter video of bitty and ransom posing in front of the mirror while in the background lardo can be heard asking "biiiits, have you seen my white shoes?"
  3. a clip from a conference interview where a reporter is trying to get the falcs to shit on jack and bitty until snowy says, very dryly, "man, about half this team would marry bittle tomorrow given the chance." (the crowd laughs as the clip cuts out)
  4. a close-up on coach's face in a video he did with bitty as he stares at the sticky dough covering his fingers and mutters "junior, i'm not too sure about this"
  5. a close-up on suzanne's face from the same video as she stares at her husband and says "oh dear, dicky, it seems like your daddy could use some help", obviously trying not to laugh
  6. a tiktok made by tater where he rates "little b's best jams for scoring big points!!" (it goes viral, the blueberry jam becomes a meme)
  7. a recording from a charity livestream bitty did with the waffles featuring louis saluting bitty and saying "no prob, cap!" while holding a rolling pin like a weapon
  8. a shaky phone video a fan took from some distance that zooms in on jack skating towards bitty, pressing his hand to the glass and saying "love you, bud" (his voice barely audible, but the words unmistakable)
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doggernaut

AU(-ish) where Lardo has dated a string of upper class, old money white guys who like her because she’s an artist and “not like other girls,” and they want to rebel a little before settling down with the parent-approved old money white girl who’s on the fast track to a partnership at the family firm. She doesn’t love this, but whatever. She’ll go to the cousin’s wedding or family holiday dinner or political fundraiser as required—at least she gets a few nice meals or an all-expenses-paid vacation out of the deal.

So when she meets Shitty, she suspects it’s more of the same. Sure, he doesn’t seem like any of those other guys, but the dude is always talking about how awful his family is. She figures she’ll stick around until the first big family event and then, having outworn her usefulness, he’ll drop her like all the others did. It’ll be harder this time; she really really likes him—he seems to get her and his friends are cool and he gets really good weed.

But the holidays come around and Shitty doesn’t say anything about bringing her home to meet his family. Finally she asks him about it because she can roll with the punches but if she needs to, like, dye her hair pink for maximum shock value she’s going to need a little bit of time.

And Shitty surprises her by saying, “Christmas with my family? Hell no. I hate them. And I really like you. Why would I want you to see me at my worst? I’d never bring somebody I love into that situation.”

And that’s when Lardo knows that if she were the marrying type, she would marry Shitty Knight.

Later Shitty confesses that yeah, one time in college he did bring Jack home for Thanksgiving and they pretended to be a couple, but that was only because Jack offered.

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homobiwan

Every check please character i like is trans and every check please character i dislike is cis hope this helps

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Supernatural/Check Please crossover where Sam went to Samwell (ha) and Bitty is the only other dude on frat row who followed that suspicious sound with a rifle in the crook of his arm. He thinks Sam is crazy for having dropped out in his senior year, but he's always happy to see the boys when they come by.

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YESSSSSS Lis I love this.

Let’s say they were both freshmen at the same time somehow bc obvs the timelines don’t ACTUALLY match up but fuck it. They’re both freshmen, same dorm floor, Bitty sees Sam moving in by himself with like. A duffle bag and nothing else and immediately feels bad for him and after some dithering decides to make muffins for him and they become odd awkward friends. Check Please mostly goes down as canon, except Bitty spends most of fall senior year worrying about Sam after halloween, but he has too many responsibilities to devote too much time to a guy who dropped out and left, even if he DOES think it’s a shame. (And even IF that fire was majorly sus to Bitty but it’s not like he’s a hunter, he’s just a small-town southern boy who grew up knowing that sometimes there’s strange things in the woods that don’t make logical sense, but not to worry on it TOO much since they usually stay there)

Years later, Sam and Dean end up on a job in Providence or something and following a monster leads them into some nice (but not obnoxiously ~RICH~) house’s back yard, and they end up facing Bitty with a rifle, bc they’re butted up against the woods and he knows about the woods and also just in case a fan of Jack’s gets… scary, and there’s just this long pause and then Bitty’s like “…Sam Winchester??” and Sam’s like “???? ERIC????” and Bitty is like “why are you in my yard?” and Sam and Dean are like “uuuuuuuh… lost… dog?” or something, and Bitty’s like “…….are you here about the thing in the woods that’s been hanging out here the last few weeks?” and when they just go “UH…” he makes them come inside and tell them everything and wins Dean’s heart by feeding him the best pie Dean’s ever had and that is SAYING something ‘cause Dean’s had a lot of good pie.

And then idk shenanigans and they stay friends and Bitty insists they come visit any time they’re within like a 5 hour radius of Providence and Dean is like “Yes. If you weren’t already married I would marry you solely for your pie you are a GOD” and Sam’s jokingly like “little gay, man” and Dean’s like, “no, Eric is a little gay. He clearly weighs like ten pounds soaking wet, look at him. I am a muscular bi.” and long story short that’s how Sam found out his brother likes guys.

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GENDERFLUID JACK

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Imagine this.

Jack Zimmermann is 4 and he's putting on his mom's high heels. He likes the way he looks. Everyone laughs. Jack likes when he makes people laugh.

Jack is 6 and a friend from his class makes him put on a princess dress and a tiara. He likes the way that the dress feels. He likes how the tiara sparkles in the sun. But it's funny. It's so funny. It doesn't mean a thing.

Jack is 14 and they say that he's a man. That's good. He is. He likes being a man. Men play hockey. Jack loves hockey.

Jack is 17 and Kent Parson calls him pretty. He likes the way that sounds. His teammates joke about him being Kent's wife. It's just a joke, but he likes the way that sounds. But it's just a joke. It doesn't mean a thing.

Jack is 17 and he calls Kent beautiful. Kent likes the way it sounds. They like being pretty when it's just the two of them in back of his car in a dark parking lot. He doesn't think too hard about it. This must just be how it is with a boy. You call each other pretty, and you like the way it sounds.

Jack is 18 and he's in rehab. He'll never be pretty, and he'll never be with a boy again.

Jack is 21 and Shitty Knight decides to add a major in women and gender studies. He likes to talk about his classes. He talks about people who are "gender fluid". Not always one or the other. Sometimes a little of both. Sometimes neither. It's interesting. But just interesting. It doesn't mean a thing.

Jack is 23 and Larissa Duan is stealing his shirt. It's a men's shirt. She says she likes the way it makes her feel. He nods, lets her have it. But he doesn't think about what it would be like to wear her clothes at all.

Jack is 26 and Eric Bittle is putting flowers in his hair. He's calling him pretty and beautiful and lovely. He tries to pretend he doesn't like how it sounds, but Bitty notices anyways.

Jack is 26 and Eric Bittle is calling him handsome, and pretty, and soft, and sweet. He's buying him flowers and calling him his partner. He's painting his nails and calling him his boyfriend. He's calling him sweetpea, and honey, and love.

Jack Zimmermann is 27 and he's a man. Because he's in the NHL and then NHL is for men.

Jack Zimmermann is 27 and he's not a man. Because he's pretty and soft and sweet.

Jack Zimmermann is 27 and he's happy.

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smh as movies (and occasional other pieces of media) that i love but my family refuses to watch with me because they think that i don’t have “good taste” (whatever that means).

these are based on vibes and vibes alone! (only occasional reasoning is provided).

jack: not a movie but hockey because he is a hockey robot and my family refuses to watch sharks games with me

bitty: little women (2019) because apparently i cry too much whenever i watch it???? and i feel like bitty would cry too (solidarity 😔🤝)

shitty: pitch perfect (1&2)

holster: mamma mia

ransom: mamma mia 2: here we go again

lardo: hocus pocus

dex: tangled (sHE WAS HIS NEW DREAM NURSEY SHUT UP I AM NOT CRYING)

nursey: cloudy with a chance of meatballs 2 (tHIS IS NOT JUST FOR KIDS DEX SHUT UP)

chowder: not a movie specifically but phineas and ferb (the music is so good)

tango: how to train your dragon because he appreciates good cinema ☺️

whiskey: ocean’s 8 (the new one with anne hathaway) because whiskey is a #girlboss 😔

ford: the newsies broadway recording

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how i think check please characters would react to me asking their pronouns:

bitty: he/him, thank you!

jack: i use he/him as well, and you?

holster: honestly? even though i use he/him i have thought about other pronouns before. stuff like xe/xir! but yeah probs just he

ransom: any pronouns! what about you?

lardo: they/them preferred but she is okay as well.

shitty: yo thanks for asking i use xe/they!! what about you?

chowder: any pronouns but i prefer he/him!!!!

nursey: they/them!

dex: he/him? i’m not sure and don’t have the energy to think about that right now.

*whiskey: guy.

tango: i use he and him but honestly they and them sounds really cool and i kinda want to look into neopronouns and- wait whatre yours?

ford: she/her/ze! what do you like to use?

bully: they and them, thanks.

louis: what are pronouns?

hops: lois uses he/him and i do as well but i haven’t given it much thought. i’ll tell you if i change pronouns though.

*whiskey gets asked that question and panicked because nhl hopefuls are guys they use he/him only they don’t use he/they no never why would they do that?

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A couple years down the line, Jack was invited to the Bittle 4th of July party as Bitty’s official boyfriend. Though Suzanne, Coach, Moomaw and Bitty’s favorite cousins were pretty chill about it, there was still some muttering and misplaced comments. Like during the friendly competitions.

‘Alright,’ called Coach to the line of participants, ‘this race is a simple one, from here to the tree on the other side of the field- But you gotta be carrying your partner.’

The men got ready- picking wives and girlfriends in their arms, backs and shoulders. One of Bitty’s less pleasant uncles snickered his way:

‘You gonna let your man carry you, Dicky?’

Bitty, without blinking, squatted and grabbed Jack in a practised fireman carry. His uncles and cousins stared at him- he was half their size and lifting more than 200 lbs of NHL player. 

Jack was smug for the whole evening. 

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dex comes barging in with a goose

the goose has a broken wing and can’t fly south for the winter so dex builds it a shed with an infrared heater and a kiddie pool pond and names it stephanie (the goose not the pond)

bitty: dex, jack and i are dating dex: CAN’T TALK HAVE A GOOSE bitty: dex plz dex: WE’RE GONNA HAVE EGGS FOR DAYS BITTY. EGGS. FOR. DAYS.

chowder: dex. where did you get a goose dex: WHO WANTS QUICHE nursey: it’s pronounced quickie*

au where i am the author of check please and there are 300% more gooses

OK I HAD TO DRAW THIS

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With Your Blessing

Summary: “Y'all aren’t married yet.” Did Suzanne know about Jack’s plan to propose when he visited Madison for Christmas? She sure did.  Jack and Suzanne talk about marriage and the future.  Also on AO3.

+++

Prologue  

“I’m glad you brought Jack home.”

“Oh well, you know how much he loves Madison.”

“No. No, I mean. I’m glad you brought home Jack as your partner.”

 +++

“Just keep whisking that, Jack, honey, until it’s thick and glossy. Stiff peaks are what we want,” Suzanne said as she finished the pie crust for the lemon meringue.

“Okay,” Jack replied, putting his biceps and triceps into it.

Suzanne had corralled Jack into the kitchen that afternoon while Bitty and Coach went to the liquor store to get some rum for her famous eggnog to be served at that night’s Christmas party.

“If you can flip the bowl and the peaks don’t move, it’s ready.”

Jack frowned.  “Throw it in the air?”

“No, hun, just hold it upside down,” she said with a smile as he nodded and kept whisking.

Suzanne glanced toward the door.

“So, they were just heading to EZ Bottle, which means they won’t be long. Now’s our chance to talk.”

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broke: ollie and wicks had a regular-ass wedding and didn’t invite any of the teammates who treated them like afterthought friends
woke: nobody from SMH was invited to the wedding because ollie and wicks eloped and there were no guests at all
bespoke: the entire team was in fact at their wedding because they got married right in the middle of a haus kegster. johnson officiated and it was ‘swawesome but the tub juice was so rancid that no one remembers it happening
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nielrian

if we consider check, please! taking place in the real world can you even imagine how popular bitty’s youtube channel would be especially during this pandemic?

he already had a built in fanbase that would have increased with national exposure, and considering it’s been 3 in-world years by 2020 he’s already an established brand. 

an upbeat feel-good youtube channel where a super cute blond guy teaches people how to bake like an expert, increasingly-more-often-than-not accompanied by his extremely hot, extremely sweet, very famous hockey sous chef husband. both of whom are now quarantined. like can you even fathom how popular this channel would become? 

including such gems as:

‘watch me cut my husband’s hair on IG live for charity’

‘watch jack zimmermann grow a beard in real time’

‘jack zimmermann is a little bit stir crazy from lack of hockey sport and will pick me up several times during this video because he’s full of chaotic energy right now and he’s not allowed to wrestle me’

‘sink into deep relaxation listening to two of the most bizarrely soothing accents you’ve ever heard in tandem’

‘bitty does a 24 hour livestream in which he makes 384 jars of jam because he’s lost control of his life’

‘listen to a 7 ½ minute argument about the pronunciation of the word ‘pecan’

‘bitty runs out of butter and goes into panic mode’

‘buttergate leads to several days of jack zimmermann workout videos that will be both extremely popular and extremely meme-able’ 

‘how many times can ‘ehm’ be said during one youtube video, this helpful counter in the corner of your screen will help us count’

‘some of the soppiest most adorable content of two newlyweds ever seen by human eyes’

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I feel like if you’re writing a future fic where shitty and lardo have kids, you need to factor in the fact that a lawyer’s kid can argue much better than adults expect them to, and thus are less likely to do the things they’re told to do

Like keep their speech patterns age appropriate, but if you have Zimbits or someone babysitting a 5-10 year old Shardo kid, just make everything much more of an ordeal than you think it should be, and the kid should be 40% more stubborn than your initial instincts say

Suggestions that could be applied to different ages depending on the argument:

  • You didn’t specify whether we could play video games until 8PM or AM, I think we should stay up all night
  • You said I had to wear a coat, shirt, pants, and shoes to go to the playground, give me a good reason why it shouldn’t be a neon pink coat, brown shirt, and yellow plaid pants with one blue shoe and one white shoe
  • You said I could get a bedtime story. It was your mistake not specifying the length, now read me four chapters of Narnia minimum.
  • You’re getting a headache from hearing us yell during Marco Polo? Fine, we aren’t playing Marco Polo anymore, we’re playing Salt and Pepper, which is played exactly the same except we yell different things (honestly this one was maybe the most iconic one my brother and I came up with as children)
  • Mom said we could have ice cream for dinner because it’s a special occasion and we love you so much and there’s no reason for you to verify that by bothering her
  • The public library lets me take out 30 books at a time, and I can read 2 a day, so I need at least 28 if we aren’t coming back for two weeks but I should get those extras in case I don’t like the book. It’s not that heavy, come on. If I can’t get that many you need to bring me back next week. Maybe sooner.
  • You said the lights had to be out, not that I had to be asleep, so I’m totally allowed to read this book by moonlight and the light of my night light, or to just keep playing with my dolls all night
  • I’m in trouble with the principal because I crossed out “selected” on the permission slip that says “your child has been selected to perform in the spring concert” and wrote in “forced,” but I’m not wrong because they don’t let you choose so I don’t want to apologize (this is a true story and literally the only time I got in trouble in middle school, though my parents took my side)
  • I can’t jump on my bed? Fine, I’m jumping on my sibling’s bed instead.
  • You said I could have an hour of computer time. I spent three minutes of the past hour blinking so I should get at least three more minutes, probably more if we factor in the blinking i’ll do in the next three minutes

It’s not about being disobedient, per se, it’s more about finding loopholes and small hills to die on and also being kind of obnoxious. Also lawyers think it’s hilarious to teach their kids random legal/latin phrases, I knew what non compos mentis meant when I was like seven. If you don’t think a Shardo kid would ask to get out of time out without mentioning habeas corpus, you’re wrong

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We are all idiots and also fools. Shitty is obviously trans

  • Nobody knows his real name
  • "best ally ever"
  • Doesn't wear a shirt ever bc he got top surgery and will show off this chest
  • Really proud of his stache
  • Chose the name Shitty bc he thinks it's funny and he's right

Conclusion: trans

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