Technostress and detox

 Last semester my professor of Psychology of Stress told us to create a piece of art that represented our biggest stressor. Here is mine, technostress:

Technostress is "a modern disease of adaptation caused by inability to cope with new computer technologies in a healthy manner" (Brod,C. 1984). Last semester that professor assigned us 27 papers, 27 papers. 27. PAPERS. INSANE. I was not a person anymore, I was a writing machine. I spent most of my days with my laptop, my eyes and heart hurt again only thinking about it. Ironically enough, that professor should have taught us ways to cope with stress, instead she was the main cause of our stress. So, the fact that I had a terrible relationship with my digital devices should not be surprising. Let’s describe my “piece of art”. I drew a word page in the monitor of a laptop. In that page I wrote what I have always wanted to write in one of her 27 papers (in MLA format) :”I don’t know what to write in this paper. My head hurts. My eyes hurt. I’m going to sleep. Goodnight”. In the search bar I wrote “www.technostressiskillingme.com”, in the keyboard I put numbers near the letters: if you put the letters in order you’ll read “I need a vacation”. At the bottom of that piece of paper I glued a trash bag to communicate that my biggest desire was to throw my laptop away.

It’s important to say that this does not mean that digital devices necessarily ruin our lives. This means that we can either have a healthy or a toxic relationship with them. Realizing that and changing attitude is one way to turn digital devices, as I wrote in my reflection, from weapons to tools. In order to do that I detoxed from my digital devices for a week. It felt great. I recommend it to everyone.  Before the detox, my digital devices were an extension of my body, I was Elena with her phone/laptop. In the week of detox I was just Elena, and I loved it. By writing that I mean that without my digital devices I am the real version of me, not a person with technological sidekicks. When my detox was over I was a brand new person: I didn’t suffer from technostress anymore and I figured out my boundaries. Also, I learnt how to benefit from the use of digital devices, by simply using them for the “just right” amount of time. I felt like I was reconciling with an ex after years. Like, we love our family, but spending 24/7 with them during this quarantine is driving everyone crazy...am I wrong?

Picture of me in pajamas, reconciled with my laptop.

Disappointed by digital self vs disappointed by physical self

Disappointed by your digital self

Eva Illouz writes in “Cold Intimacies”: “If the telephone conversation also goes well, it can lead to an actual meeting, which is where, in the vast majority of cases, people experience great disappointment.” Hi everyone, I am the minority of cases. 

I broke up with a guy because I was disappointed not - as Illouz would imagine- by his physical self...but by his digital flaws. What do I mean by that? Let’s start this story from the beginning. 

*whispering* ”Baby stay here, I go first. I don’t wanna lose you”. Like a secret agent in a James Bond movie, he somersaulted into the elevator and pretended to spray a substance that detects the laser beams in the room. Of course, I was doing my best not to touch the lasers...the truth is that we were in his hotel and we were definitely not secret agents. X and I played this “acting games” pretty often. He is a Netflix actor and I love acting: creating these scenes was one of the core aspects of our relationship that was indeed based on the motto: “escape with me in a new made up reality, away from the mainstream, boring world.” I liked this about him a lot. He was spontaneous and completely nuts. Just like me. I liked his weird laugh and the way he gesticulates. His hand gestures accentuated his energetic personality. I liked his posture, something in between elegant and casual. I liked that he used a wide range of facial expressions...even if some of them were quite cringy. I didn’t like him just because he is a hot, muscular actor. I liked the details of his physical self. I met him right before this quarantine started and our relationship was just perfect. Cringy and perfect. 

...But then something went wrong. I started noticing the awkward and OUTRAGEOUS grammar mistakes he makes while texting me on WhatsApp. SO MANY. Call me superficial but I started seeing him with different eyes. 

Also his audio messages were quite annoying and unnecessarily long. He made me waste so much time listening to him doing weird, cringy mouth noises. And I hate wasting time. He even dedicated me a poem by Bukowski that I found disgusting and nonsense. I love poems but that one was just ridiculous. (and it’s the first poem you find on the internet when you google “poems for her” which is highly embarrassing. If you’re curious: “When God created love”). The simple fact that he doesn’t have a good taste for art upsets me. He sent me a video of him singing a song he wrote even though he knows he hasn’t a note on his head. The lyrics of the song were super cringy. Not to mention that time we asked each other trivial questions on Skype. He chose the category “philosophy” because “I am a master in this subject”, he said. Well, he also said that Aristotle invented Plato’s Myth of the Cave. Last but not least...he might turn me on IRL but he sucks at sexting. Everything he does online makes my heart cringe. Interestingly, I like his cringy physical self but I hate his cringy digital one. 

I broke up with him because his “digital flaws” ruined my perception of his physical self. I broke up with his digital self. 

I would redownload Tinder just for the bios.

I need this book.

Expectations vs Reality

I created this meme with my best friend Briana Disisto @mynetworkedidentity

Caution: this piece might contain some satirical content

Ladies, gentlemen and robots, welcome back to another episode of “Digital Love Is In Your Hands.” *big applause* As you know, in 2087 a law according to which it is illegal to choose our love partner by ourselves was introduced. The sophisticated algorithms of “DigitaLove”, a flawless dating machine, select the best and only possible partner with whom to spend the rest of your life, filtering out the unsuccessful matches. Our TV show offers an opportunity that has never been seen before...*drumroll* we let our participants CHOOSE between the last two possible matches. Isn’t it incredible? We let our participants make their final, definitive choice. Please let me introduce tonight’s chooser: the fantastic, inimitable, wonderful, unforgettable and most of all humble... Elena Santoro! *Big applause*

Elena: Good evening everyone, I must admit I am a little nervous. Hi mom! I am on TV! *cough cough* I decided to participate in this program because my grandmother told me how beautiful it was to... (can I say this on TV?) choose our partner. I have always been fascinated by her stories and I am here to experience it in person. I know how risky it is not to trust DigitaLove until the end...but I am here to prove the opposite in honour of my grandmother. 

Thanks for sharing this with us Elena, I am sure your grandmother would be proud of you. Let’s now introduce the first possible partner (obviously in his digital form). A big applause for the hologram of...Mario Rossi! *big applause* Nice to meet you, Mario! Could you please show your digital characteristics to Elena? 

Hologram of Mario *with a robotic voice*:  

MY APPEARANCE: almond-shaped green eyes, long black hair, 6 feet tall, 160 lbs, tattoo of a dragon on right shoulder. I am objectively handsome. My best feature is my big pe...rsonality. MY INTERESTS: I like beaches, clubs, books, art, trips, strolling around, good food and wine. I am a big fan of outdoor activities. My favorite local hotspot is Trastevere, my favorite travel destination is Paris. My sense of humor was surgically removed immediately after I came out of my mother’s womb by a team of highly trained and extremely boring specialists under the orders of the United States Federal Bureau for the Promotion of Extremely Boring Bureaucracy (FBPEBB). I apparently do have a sense of humor; it is just very satirical and sometimes hard to recognize. LIFESTYLE: I only drink socially,I smoke occasionally, I work out three times a week. If you choose me I’ll be sexually active. I want three children and a dog. VALUES: atheist, pro-choice, I think that lies are good if necessary, against animal testing, vegetarian, feminist, LGBTQ+ friendly.  

Thank you Mario, let’s show some love to the other possible partner...a big applause to...John Smith! *big applause* Please, show your digital characteristics to Elena.

Hologram of John *with a robotic voice*: 

MY APPEARANCE: big brown eyes, short blonde hair, 5’11 feet tall, 158 Lbs, little mole near my inferior lip. My best feature is my honesty. INTERESTS: cinema enthusiast, pet lover, great chef, fun and positivity are my everyday’s goals. My sense of humour: are you the bottom of my laptop? Cause you’re hot. LIFESTYLE: I drink responsibly, I don’t smoke and I workout twice a week.VALUES: Catholic, climate change activist.

Thank you John! Ladies, gentlemen and robots, this is the moment that everyone was waiting for...THE CHOICE. What are your thoughts Elena? Remember that you only have one minute to decide starting from...now! *countdown starts*

Elena: Obviously, since “DigitaLove” has filtered out everyone else, they are the people who get closest to perfection. Before announcing my choice, I really wanted to say that it was very hard to choose between two cuties like you. Amazing, both of you, but I must choose only one, as our government orders. Tonight, my choice of “Digital Love Is In Your Hands” is…*Suspenseful instrumental music intensifies* ...However I must say I am a little surprised...I found flaws in both my choices and I don’t understand how that’s possible.

 Random person from the audience: Oh come on girl, get to the point!!

Elena: oh my...I only have 30 seconds left...ehm..okay. As I was saying, considering that he gave me a longer list of interests and values...I choose... MARIO ROSSI. *big applause and some hoots from the audience* 

Alright people, you heard Elena! I now kindly ask Mario, the person she will spend the rest of her life with to come here on stage! *big applause* *Mario enters*

Elena: what the...you look nothing like your hologram... 

Mario: in my “values” section I said that lies are good if necessary. It was necessary to lie if I wanted you to choose me. I am the engineer of DigitaLove and I have studied your algorithms to make a bio that would attract your attention. Nothing I wrote is true but now you’re stuck with me forever babe.

Oh wow! What a plot twist,that’s the beauty of live TV! Elena, you were aware of the risks. As you well know, divorce is illegal now (reason why DigitaLove exists after all). Playing this game is fun but ladies, gentleman and robots, always remember our national motto #Inthedigitalwetrust. 

Thank you for watching and see you on the next episode of “Digital Love Is In Your Hands”.

                                               *End credits*

Bored in the house, I am in the house bored...but it’s a good thing!

Boredom is like your mother-in-law

Walter Benjamin wrote: “ If sleep is the apogee of physical relaxation, boredom is the apogee of mental relaxation. Boredom is the dream bird that hatches the egg of experience.” Why do I hate boredom if it’s so beneficial? 1) Because complaining it’s the easiest thing to do; 2) Because the design of social media subconsciously (and mistakenly) taught me that I must avoid boredom; 3) Because I never considered the option of looking beyond the common consideration of boredom. I think that boredom is a tool only if we are aware of its potentiality, otherwise it’s just an empty, meaningless feeling. It’s the quality, not the quantity of events that makes boredom enjoyable. Boredom is a predominant aspect of our lives then we might as well learn to appreciate it. It is like your mother-in-law: if you get along with it/her your life is much easier. We can be “boredomphiles” or “boredomphobes”, it’s up to us. From now on, I will embrace and exploit its benefits. To demonstrate my gratitude to Walter Benjamin for having opened my eyes...I wrote a boring poem born from boredom. 

The ABC Of Boredom

Apparently, Boredom Creates Apathy. Be Cautious. All Blame, Complain About, Banish, Constantly Avoid Boredom. Change Attitude! Boredom Creates Abilities, Boosts Creativity...A Bottomless Chance. A Bonfire Can Awfully Burn Causing Agony, But Can Also Brighten, Creating Atmosphere. Boredom, Comparably, Ambiguous “Being”, Can Annoy But Can Also Be Celebrated. A Beneficial Calmness.

This writing style itself is a metaphor of boredom: although it feels limiting (as I had a limited choice of words) , it can be a tool for creativity.

Life without Freedom got me like:

My love letter to Freedom: pain is not a pumpkin

Freedom broke up with me almost a month ago. We were such a nice couple, we have been dating for about 20 years. I still didn’t get over her of course. I miss Freedom a lot, what a beautiful soul she has. I think about her everyday. Freedom was more than a girlfriend, she was my greatest source of happiness. We were in an open relationship with many other people but the way she looked at me...maybe I was jealous that she wasn’t just mine. What if she broke up with me because I was too jealous? No, I know why she did it: I didn’t deserve her. She gave me so much and I took her for granted. I don’t even feel the right to complain because Freedom broke up with a lot of people lately. Is it true that if something terrible happens to many people it hurts less? Is it true that misery loves company? I doubt it. 

Fun fact about Freedom? She has two nicknames: those who love her like me called her “Libre”, those who were only attached to her materialistic beauty called her “Gratis”. Ungrateful freaks...Freedom is much more important than a capitalistic commodity but people confuse them. If only I could go back. I need to do a little digression to explain how I feel.

 Digression: My mother, who is a psychologist made me take the Rorschach test, a “psychological test in which subjects' perceptions of inkblots are recorded and then analyzed using psychological interpretation and complex algorithms to examine a person's personality characteristics and emotional functioning.” She showed me the first of the ten cards and asked me to say everything I see in that image and that there’s no right or wrong answer. After an acute observation I said: “Mhhh you know the pumpkins Americans carve for Halloween? This looks like the evil face of one of those pumpkins”. My mother said that this shows my typical behavior of rejecting negative feelings and rendering them something unrealistic. I exorcise my demons by dematerialising them into something abstract. I suffocate my negative feelings obliging myself to feel...nothing. This is to say that even now that Freedom broke up with me, I became numb. My days without her all look the same. I eat, sleep, study and repeat... always stuck at home. Indeed, everytime I adapt to a break up, I become numb. Or, at least, I do my best to act numb...while the truth is that my life without Freedom is not a carved Halloween pumpkin.

 I’m stuck in an apparently endless cycle filled with numbness and uncertainties. When is this apathetic rollercoaster going to stop? When will Freedom come back to me? Will she ever come back or is she gone forever?...I don’t even want to think about that possibility. I think about those days when we were still dating and I could go to my friends’ house, to parties, to the cinema, to visit my grandma… good old days. I never thanked her. I used her like an object. Freedom, if you will ever read this...please forgive me. You are and will always be the greatest love of my life. I miss you. I love you like a prisoner loves the first breath of wind outside of jail. I don’t want to be numb anymore. Please come back. 

Yours, Elena.