Me meeting a genie: Okay, so my first wish is for 1000 dollars a day, deposited to my bank account without any way of tracing it to anything illegal. I want this money to come from the ten richest people in America (100 dollars each), withdrawn under the guise of nebulous, random purchases and surcharges. It would probably be best to split the money into a myriad of smaller fees, though, to reduce the likelihood of anyone noticing. Got all that?

Genie: um

Me, continuing on without a care: For my SECOND wish, I want you to give me the ability to learn any given phoneme, so that I can learn to pronounce new languages perfectly. If you're willing, it'd be nice if it were a little easier to memorize new languages too, but if that's not cool, I'm perfectly fine doing all the legwork myself I mostly just want to be capable of pronouncing things correctly.

Genie, now staring at me like I'm insane: ......okaaayyy?....

Me: For my third wish. I want to always have great ideas for gifts for people. Every birthday, every holiday, I want to be able to come up with something they'd really like, with enough time to actually get it for them.

Genie, just staring at me

Me: I can provide you with a written document if that would help.

people like op are the ones that get memorialized in folk tales for outwitting the devil

have a pmd au for the soul

Biblically accurate Falin

This is

Without fail

One of the most cursed things I could have been shown today……

Well done

I fell down that hole like it’s 2013 again

Edit : oop forgot the crown I’m dummy haha

Nether crows coming soon…. 👀

[Reminder that my asks are open and that you’re more than welcome to ask questions or scream at me about Minecraft crows]

Transcript and Closeups below!!!

I didn’t realize this until after I posted the picture but evidently, there’s a bug that I didn’t notice before… oops.

barbie official: we’re gonna put all our movies on youtube for free!

youtube, still selling their movies: huh? what’d they say they were going to do?

here’s a link to a playlist since everyone’s a fan of this post

WHAT

it’s real😭😭😭😭😭😭

Here’s a working link as of February 2nd 2022

and a working link

I need an AU of Foragissa and Antarctic Empire Phil, ok? I just need our rogue outlaw alien guy (a bit silly) to be the anarchic one in the relationship while he passes desert planets with spaceship races to the desolate and cold planet where the empire is located, here Emerald Duo is trying to conquer the entire world and Foragissa is not more than a curious thing in their plans but cuz his spasceship fell into their territory now hes like a kind of political weapon (look at that! we can travel to the stars,we could conquer them even as we did with this one / towards the rest of the nations) obviously thats not what happened and Foragissa is not happy to be held back no matter how handsome the winged co-emperor is.

prompt: hibernation!

Tommy can't actually hibernate but he just wants to be like the others :')

how to find literally any post on a blog in seconds (on desktop)

there are so many posts about ~tumblr is so broken, you can’t find any post on your own blog, it’s impossible, bluhrblub~

I am here to tell you otherwise! it is in fact INCREDIBLY easy to find a post on a blog if you’re on desktop/browser and you know what you’re doing:

the tag system on desktop tumblr is GENUINELY amazing for searching within a specific blog! 

caveat: this assumes a person HAS a desktop theme (or “custom theme”) enabled. a “custom theme” is url.tumblr.com, as opposed to tumblr.com/url. I’ve heard you have to opt-into the former now, when it used to be the default, so not everyone HAS a custom theme where you can use all those neat url tricks. 

if the person doesn’t have a “custom theme” enabled, you’re beholden to the search bar. still, I’ve found the search bar on tumblr.com/url is WAY more reliable than search on mobile. for starters, it tends to bring posts up in a sensible order, instead of dredging up random posts from 2013 before anything else

if you’re on mobile, I’m sorry. godspeed and good luck finding anything. (my one tip is that if you’re able to click ON a tag rather than go through the search bar, you’ll have better luck. if your mutual has recently reblogged a post tagged #croissant, you can click #croissant and it’ll bring up everything tagged #croissant just like /tagged/croissant. but if there’s no readily available tag to click on, you have to rely on the mobile search bar and its weird bizarre whims) 

url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant/chrono will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the exact phrase #croissant, but it will show them in reverse order with the oldest first 

I’ve been here since 2016 and I didn’t realize this.

Time to go deep diving into my tags!

I suspect it was a previous version of this post which taught me about /chrono which I have found invaluable.

/archive/tagged/ is also probably more useful than I realize but I don’t remember to try it very often

I think a lot about who I am to other people in the world–particular who I am to strangers as a mere concept in their lives.

Today this woman called our information desk and said, “my son’s band is playing tonight. I want to come see him, but he never answers his phone…..I want to be there. Have you heard anything about his band?”

And I felt so bad for this lady but I’m not in the music scene around here so I had to tell her no, sorry.

Five hours later, I’m hiking and run into a group of guys setting up for some outdoor performance, and as I watch them unload the drums it hits me.

“Hey,” I said, “are y’all in a band?”

They said yeah and smiled and I told them “one of your moms called today. She wants to watch you play, but she can’t get a hold of you. Call your mom.”

And they all pulled out their phones and started discussing whose mom it probably was as they presumably dialed their own.

And now, unless we meet again and recognize each other, that’s who I’ll be forever to those guys–some mysterious courier for mom-messages who came out of the woods and told them their mom called.

I didn’t even tell them why their mom called me. Who am I to their mom?? Nobody even asked. They just took my word for it and called their mothers.

Amazing.

I’M LAUGHING!!! THEY DIDN’T EVEN ASK WHO I AM.

Who are you, really?

with all the time we're spending running through the days

Tommy's disks were a constant moving piece on the dream smp. They were present in the first conflicts, and later were passed from hand to hand to hand. They were handled roughly. They were tossed about and shoved around. As the server grew more and more wearisome, so did those disks. Through every battle, every trauma, everything.

When Tommy plays those disks I'll bet they're almost too discordant to hear. So many scratches must coat their surfaces. Every second the music would dip or stutter as the jukebox tried to make sense of another char mark or thin cut. I'll bet Tommy sits through it flinching at every sharp noise, wishing they could be the way they were before. Sitting stubbornly through the discordant symphony. Fighting every urge to give and and walk away. Wishing, wishing, wishing it would get better.

Then I'd like to pose a question: are we still talking about disks?

THEY PUT THE BABY IN THE NETHER!!!!!!

Candace and doofenshmirtz would be tumblr mutuals i think

She never finds out about perry fighting him cuz shes always trying to bust her brothers while doof liveblogs getting his ass kicked

they have carl blocked

(@cogcltrcorn )

HELP

Local family watches as father has rave in the front yard