ALL YOU PEOPLE IN TVLAND FUCK OFF!

died and i came back normal. more normal than before even. such a regular guy it’s freaking everyone out. i’m ironing my shirts & doing the sunday paper crossword puzzle and the people i love won’t stop crying

hired a galapagos finch at my burger joint and after 2 generations it evolved to take peoples orders

Daniel Richter (German, b. 1962), Das Auge War Kaputt [The Eye Was Broken], 2011. Oil on canvas, 100 x 270.2 cm.

two men can have straight sex with each other. if they’re homophobic enough.

The "Type 5318008 and turn it upside down" exploit found on all calculators has been patched, no longer works

I'm just like that tortured character in that movie except none of those things happened to me

"this is the gay website!!!!"

tshirt that says MY COCK IS HUGE AND MY GRIP ON REALITY IS TENUOUS AND MY COCK IS AVERAGE

Tasteful bulge? Yeah I would like a taste f- [I am interrupted by the sound of a dry twig snapping. This is impossible, as I am in the infinite linoleum bathroom dimension for this joke.]

they need to invent drinking that's good for you and a way to fuck music

Adriana Varejão, Green Tilework in Live Flesh, 2000 Mixed media on canvas

the smallest artist i listen to? probably the bird outside my window

they did not appreciate my longsword technique at the job interview

pissing each other off as foreplay