Zoe

the first complaynts are coming in: jess thinks my rimes are but a sin. she canot see the meme’s apeel. the bredlik love she does not feel.

why are you like this

the way i am i will admitte makes little sence: i am a twitte. but who is werce- the crazy gal or she who kepes her as a pal?

why must you

i must becos this simpel meme is now my lyf, my waking dreme. if i should try to speke in prose the cow appears:

he liks my nose.

are you kidding me

i kid yu not. i shall not tire. to rime this way is my desire. the world may bern or floode insted: but i’ll be here to lik some bred.

even your tags were in lik the bred format

i give up

this post has killed me

just yesterday the words above were sed by jess who has no love  for any childe made up of rime. she may yet change. i’ll give her tyme. 

#oh hey there meme of lik the bred#its been a while#thought you were dead#but since youre back#ill raise a toast#i tip my hat#i tag:#long post 

–Genius tags courtesy of @arcnoise

i love to make fun of notorious white woman Taylor Swift and all of her embarrassing attempts to appear deeper than a plate of soup.

happy to announce that this post is at the top of the taylor swift tag, meaning this is the most widely shared opinion regarding Taylor on this website at the moment.

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022)  dir Rian Johnson

+ IMDB Trivia (insp)

it obviously makes sense, but one of my friend’s kids is going into swim class, and all the parents got an email today going, “when little ones are scared, they cling on to instructors. PLEASE trim their nails.” 

i don’t know why that’s so funny to me, but just. the idea of this poor, scratched swim instructor having to make sure to email before each class as a reminder to please declaw the children SENT me. 

When I taught swim lessons I remember trying to delicately ask parents not to cover their child in shea/coconut/olive oil before lessons.

“I understand your skincare regimen and wanting to protect their tender baby flesh from the pool chemicals, but COULD YOU NOT OIL YOUR CHILD LIKE A GREASED PIG before tossing them in the POOL? Thanks EVER so much!”

@nakimochiku i CACKLED

the thing that gets me about about barbie is that barbie land wasn’t even purposefully a matriarchy, barbie land came about because of the way little girls were playing with their barbies, it wasn’t created by mattel it was created by the people using the toys, so the fact that the barbies ignored the ken’s and had girls night every night wasn’t because they had some bias against him, it was just an accurate depiction of how kids play with barbies. I had some ken dolls as a child and they were essential to the plot in the sense that of course my barbie has a boyfriend because that represented the world i saw around me, but also he didn’t have any purpose in my dream world because i was only interested in what the girls were doing because they represented me and how i wanted to be, I wanted girls night every night I wanted the girls to be president and austronauts and not because of some inherent feminist idea but because I was a girl and I wasn’t thinking about boys, ken was an accessory. this movie wasn’t made to change the world but it showed a different perspective than what we usually see which I thought was fun. Men don’t have to be the centre of all our stories and its not even because we hate them, sometimes we’re just not thinking about them

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

Elon Musk bought the company. He has nothing to do with the development. #CosplayEngineer

No. I will not have you do this.

Dr. Nikola Tesla did not sign bad contracts. He signed an excellent contract with Westinghouse to bring AC power to America. Westinghouse was the big competitor against Edison Electric, which ran DC power. Thomas Edison was a massive prick and Edison Electric went around doing its best to convince everyone that AC power was dangerous, most infamously by electrocuting an elephant to death and developing the first execution-style electric chair using AC power. All of this cemented in the mind of the public that AC power was dangerous and deadly, while DC power was somehow safer.

By 1890, Westinghouse was in trouble. George Westinghouse went to Tesla and laid out the truth: if he honored the royalty contracts that he’d agreed to pay Tesla, he would go bankrupt. So Tesla tore up the contracts. He walked away from millions, maybe billions of dollars because he believed that wireless electricity should be free to the world. Westinghouse went on to bring AC power to homes across America.

Tesla wasn’t a bad businessman. He was an idealist who hated capitalism.

In the end, if children bother you for sensory reasons and that's why you don't want them to be in the same public spaces as you, there are disabled adults who can and would cause the same sensory issues for you. Adults who are loud, who vocally stim, who have poor boundaries, poor hygiene, who cry in public, etc etc etc. And they're already socially ostracized for all of this.

So actually yeah, it's the bare minimum you can do for the group with the least human rights on the planet to figure out how to accept children as part of your public community without hating them for it, even if you are child-free yourself.

biologist here! why are plants green? well they suck up air from the sky (blue) and mix it with the sunlight (yellow) i fucking love science.

Every time I see this post I fly into an incandescent rage because it’s VERY ALMOST TRUE and it FUCKING SHOULDN’T BE and I HATE the way op explains it

“how would you feel if someone blocked you just because they found you annoying?” then i wouldn’t have to interact with someone who thinks i’m annoying? i don’t see a problem

Also I wouldn't notice. You don't get a notification when someone blocks you. Someone blocking me for any reason does not affect me in any way.

me every day without fail: I'll do [chore] when I get home

me when I get home:

me every single week: I'll do it on the weekend!

me the entire weekend:

unfortunately no eclipse photography can ever outdo the waffle house one from 2017

i don't even know who took this pic. the only person who claims to know the photographer was this person who uploaded it to reddit without naming them. it just adds to the mystery of it

I know this photo!

This is a picture Nick Martino took outside a waffle house in Tennessee in 2017. It's still up on his Instagram page.

Finally a good fucking source

I can’t believe “fake gamer girl” was an actual concept guys thought existed literally the most unfuckable guys who have ever lived were convinced girls were faking being interested in loser nerd hobbies to impress them

Happy April 25th

I went to a bookshop and I got dizzy at the amount of books on stuff like “astrological feminism” “reclaiming womanhood through numerology” and all that shit…… One was called “cosmic fanny” or for my french speakers out there, “foufoune cosmique”. I think the fight against patriarchy is going really well

“But I didn’t and still don’t like making a cult of women’s knowledge, preening ourselves on knowing things men don’t know, women’s deep irrational wisdom, women’s instinctive knowledge of Nature, and so on. All that all too often merely reinforces the masculinist idea of women as primitive and inferior – women’s knowledge as elementary, primitive, always down below at the dark roots, while men get to cultivate and own the flowers and crops that come up into the light. But why should women keep talking baby talk while men get to grow up? Why should women feel blindly while men get to think?”

Ursula K Le Guin, from What Women Know

– Jane Dykema, What I Don’t Tell My Students About “The Husband Stitch”

I know i am kinda and angry atheist but i cant get over people asking why witchcraft and astrology and paganism must be seen as an inferior source of knowledge… Like bitch, cause its sucks ass as a source of knowledge???