One of those going-over-the-fandom's-head memes about Shuro Dungeonmeshi being hopelessly infatuated with Falin and loathing Laios even though they have basically identical personalities where the direct takeaway is "lol, Shuro is dumb" and the part going over the reader's head is "people decide whether your autistic traits are charming quirks or red flags based on whether they find you fuckable".
They don't really have identical personalities, though?
They're very similar in their interests and outlook, but the way they navigate social boundaries is extremely different, and Toshiro's issue with Laios is all about boundaries.
Toshiro's issue with Laios is Laios's failure to register any & all soft boundaries Toshiro tries to set. Laios assumes "yes" in the absence of a hard "no". He has to be explicitly told when his behavior is inappropriate, and even then, he'll sometimes argue about why (with more or less validity). Toshiro is from a background where a hard "no" is unconscionably aggressive, especially against someone who Toshiro knows is trying to be friendly -- and, as someone who grew up in an environment like that, it makes it really fucking hard to set hard boundaries as an adult, especially when you've already had soft boundaries ignored. That deadlock is what produces Toshiro's frustration and growing resentment.
Falin, by contrast, is socially passive and retiring. She assumes "no" in the absence of an explicit volunteered "yes". In the flashbacks to magic school, when she's around other students, she's quiet, she shrinks, she tries desperately to avoid attention. In the party, even with more confidence in herself, she took on a 'peacemaker' role -- especially between Laios and the others, doing the work of navigating social relationships for him. After she's resurrected, she remains reactive, reassuring Laios and Marcille that she's alright rather than express her own distress or confusion; she quickly drops her own doubts and concerns to allow Laios and Marcille to comfort themselves.
So Falin isn't constantly pushing past the boundaries Toshiro tries to set. Which is his issue with Laios.
Laios gets to behave the way he does in part because he's had Falin (and, to a lesser extent, Marcille) insulating him from the ways his behavior impacts the people around him -- which leads to the problem festering, because it doesn't resolve the underlying issue. And this isn't something Laios asked either of them to do ... but it is something he takes for granted until Falin is suddenly absent, and it is something autistic men get far more often than autistic women.
