hi. this account is going into archive and will eventually be deleted. i am moving logan to a brand new blog. if you’d like me to follow you, please like this. if not, toodles; thanks for all your time.
THIS IS MY TOP SURGERY REFERRAL
Mannequin, 1987.
gutrage:
i might be eligible for top surgery sooner than previously thought 🐸
like the last time i saw my doctor she said generally a year on hormones + an OK letter from a mental health provider are the requirements at the hospital i go to for my trans stuff for the surgeon to agree, i asked her again today over the phone--since im not going to in person visits until covid is less of an issue as i live w an immunocompromised person--and she was like 'yeah actually thats just the ~guidelines~, like what the surgeon usually prefers, and we're becoming more lax on them because -- obviously this doesnt apply to you -- but its cruel to make nonbinary people wait a year for surgery, so now its more of a case by case basis, and i'll put in a consultation request with the surgeon'
she said in the future if studies come out that being on T for a duration then getting top surgery provides better results better healing and a more masculine chest, then that may change, but for now theres nothing that supports that so theres no real reason to make someone whose sure they want top surgery to wait that long
and ive wanted surgery since i was like. 13. identifiably since i was 15. i’m 22. will be 23. i am 🕺 🕺 🕺 🕺 🕺 🕺 🕺 🕺 🕺 🕺 🕺
i might be eligible for top surgery sooner than previously thought 🐸
@nephils
‘ SCOTT AIN’T HERE. ‘ thats who he was here for, wasnt it? it seemed, as of late, summers had made some truly strange allies--but logan is a perceptive man, and if scott can trust him, logan can set aside his grievances and make a tenuous acceptance. his mouth wrinkles at one corner, the adamantium in his body feeling as if it was twitching and aching with memory and presence--god damned magneto. ‘ he’s off somewhere wit’ ems, i dunno. but i’m in charge of the school, here, so ... y’need somethin’, mags? ‘ it was eerily calm for a recalcitrant man like logan, who would sooner be at his throat, snarling, hurt any of them and die, than calmly perched in his seat, a stack of papers on his desk, a mug of coffee.
scott is genuinely logans best friend his ride or die bitch (like the only person equal is kurt, who is, coughs, his boyfriend) but logan thinks he’s such a fucking dumbass sometimes. some of this is because they were not friends for a good long while when logan was first brought to westchester because they had such contentious personalities and logan enjoyed deliberately angering scott because he saw scott as a kid (i mean, he practically was) and logan, despite being an amnesiac at this point, knew that HE was not and felt his life experiences even if he couldnt fully grasp them yet; he was rude and surly and closed off and hard to know and scott was this picturesque boy scout who’d do anything xavier said and everything had to be by the books and logan hated that. they did not start off as friends.
but they became friends, and once they became friends, they became best friends pretty quick. logan would die for scott, and has probably taken killing blows because he regenerates and scott does not--not the way he does, anyway. he loves scott, but he also knows scott on a very fundamental level; hes been there through everything scotts done, or felt, or said, and logan, though foul and brash, is perceptive, observant, and ironically has a fascinatingly clear memory.
he loves scott to the point he is totally unafraid to pick apart his flaws and push him back onto the right track--because if he doesnt, very few people are going to have the stones to do so, considering scott is generally team leader and the unquestionable authority within the x-men and often the mutants en masse (”no more avengers”, anybody?)
but logan isnt afraid of him at all. he knows scott. he respects scott. but fear or his authority or any scintilla of power he might posses? nope. not at all. it makes him one of the few ppl who is capable of seeing scotts bad points and immediately shoving them in his face and forcing him to deal with it.
On White Fear & Creating Diverse Transformative Works
So whenever fandom tries to address the question “Why aren’t there more works featuring characters of color?” there are a myriad of (predictable) responses. One of which is appearing with increasing frequency: “Because we (usually: white creators of transformative works) are afraid of getting it wrong.”
And like. I’ve already addressed how ‘thinking you’ll get it wrong’ is a failure of both imagination and of craft/skill (and a symptom of the racial empathy gap, which I forgot had a proper name when I wrote that post). Meanwhile, @stitchmediamix absolutely accurately pointed out that the ‘fear’ being discussed is fear of being called racist, not necessarily fear of failure.
Now, we could go into the whole absurdity of white fragility here, but google is a thing and “white fragility” is discussed all over the place and I trust ya’ll to do the work if you actually give a shit about this subject… which I assume you do, if you’re reading this – but if you’re just here to find a way to dismiss the issue at hand, I’m gonna save you some time and recommend you scroll past.
Writers can also be fragile, especially in transformative works communities, where “if you don’t have anything nice to say, hit the back button and keep your mouth shut” is the primary expectation wrt feedback, and anything that deviates from that is considered a mortal insult (do you vageublog about my fic, sir?). But if we’re willing to deploy an array of tools to make our writing not-My-Immortal-bad, from spellcheck to wikipedia to in-depth historical research to betas and britpickers and so on, then we should be willing to employ equivalent tools to avoid writing racist stories.
Incidentally, writing stories that erase/ignore extant characters of color, especially if they’re prominent in the source text? is racist. So avoiding writing characters of color altogether is not the solution to making your writing not-racist.
And, okay. I feel it’s important to acknowledge here, as I have before, that the Fear of Fucking Up is a very real fear that genuinely does affect people’s enthusiasm for / likelihood to write, regardless of the validity or fairness of that Fear’s origins, and I’m going to be generous enough to assume that there are some people who are acting in good faith when they say “I want to, but I’m scared.”
So. This is for those who are acting in good faith, from the perspective of a white fan who has written fic about characters of color in several fandoms and never gotten pilloried for it, even when I know for a fact (in retrospect) that I’ve fucked up details.
(oh, side note: I know this is mostly tackling things from a writing perspective, but a lot of this can apply to creating transformative works overall with a few tweaks.)
First: realize that the likelihood of getting called out is actually pretty low. And fans of color aren’t as Mean and Angry and Unfairly Sensitive as some people want us to believe. (Do you vagueblog about That Dumpster Fire Meta, sir? / No, sir, I do not vagueblog about That Meta sir; but I do vagueblog, sir.)
This is not to say that there aren’t people out there who’re more than willing to make a (justified) stink about egregiously racist writing. But it’s actually very rare to get targeted, especially publicly by a large number of unhappy fans. Because you know what? most fans, including fans of color, want to just have fun in fandom as much as anyone else.
It’s just, y’know, a little harder for fans of color to ‘just have fun’ when us white fans are showing our asses with stories involving “Dragon Lady” Elektra or “Angry Black Woman” Sally Donovan or “Spicy Latin Lover” Poe Dameron. And sometimes us white fans only listen to what fans of color are saying when they make a Big Deal out of it.
That’s not a failure of their ability to stay calm. That’s our failure to listen before they get loud and organized. Because I’m willing to bet that people who get called out publicly? got a few polite, private messages about their screwup first, and they doubled down instead of listening.
Also: there is a thing where, no matter how politely they word their critique, fans of color, especially black fans, are more likely to be unjustly perceived as ‘mean’ and ‘angry’ by white fans. Again, that’s our failure, not theirs. Plus, even if they are angry, that doesn’t automatically mean they’re wrong (see: Tone Argument).
Step Two is: pay attention to discussions about racist tropes in fiction. Yes, even when it’s crit of our favorite shows/movies/characters/etc. If you understand the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope and why it’s harmful, or you understand the Bechdel-Wallace test, or you can have a meaningful discussion about Mary Sues, or you can (justifiably) rail about how Bury Your Gays sucks, then you can develop a similar appreciation for racial biases and stereotypes. And then you can find ways to avoid them.
No, no one’s expecting you to memorize bell hooks so you can write a drabble about Iris West, or demanding you write a dissertation on media stereotypes wrt the simultaneous fetishization and desexualization of Asian women (who aren’t a monolith, either, but Hollywood doesn’t seem to know that) before you’re ‘allowed’ to write Melinda May in a story, but like. Pay attention when people, especially fans of color, are talking about common tropes so that you don’t unthinkingly replicate or perpetuate them in your fic.
Yes, racist writing can involve more than just thoughtless parroting of harmful tropes, but my best guess is, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, fanwork getting ‘called out’ in fandom involves those tropes. So avoiding them takes your chances of getting criticized from ‘low’ to ‘almost nonexistent.’ Less to fear, see?
Step Three is: more research – basically, at least as much as you’d be willing to invest in any equivalent white character. @writingwithcolor is a great blog, and has links to additional resources; . If you’re the type to get a beta or a britpicker, find a sensitivity reader or a beta of the appropriate background. Not all fans of color are willing to do this kind of unpaid labor, just as not all fans are willing to britpick/beta, but they’re out there. Approach them respectfully, and listen to them if they say that something in your story looks off.
It’s worth noting here that writing about characters of color doesn’t need to involve - and in fact, some advice recommends avoiding - telling Special Stories About Racism. Stories about characters of color don’t need to be about slavery or civil rights or the constant parade of microaggressions they have to deal with daily in order to be realistic or compelling (or angsty, for those who love writing angst, as I do). Research can turn up useful information that can inform our choices as writers, but if we don’t share the oppression our characters face, it’s not our job to tell stories specifically about that oppression.
Step Four is: before posting, anticipate the worst. What will you do if someone says you fucked up? If your answer is “argue with them and talk over their concerns,” stop. Remember that you’re not a victim of a ‘mean fan of color,’ but that you’ve probably written something that they consider harmful. Being told that you wrote something racist isn’t an attack on your moral fiber. You’re not an irredeemable monster if you fuck up, but your response to being told you fucked up is far more telling. Acknowledge their concerns, fix the issue if you can, learn from your mistake, and fail better next time.
You cannot improve if you don’t try in the first place. Failure to try is failure, so try your best, and improve incrementally – just as you already do as a writer with any story.
In conclusion: The 4 Steps to Getting Over Yourself as a White Fanfic Writer: (1) recognize that the likelihood of getting called out is pretty low; (2) educate yourself about the most common racist writing issues, so that likelihood will be even lower; (3) do your due diligence when writing; (4) in case of the worst: apologize, fix the issue, learn from the experience, fail better in the future.
(And again, google is your friend – there are a lot of people who’ve written about this subject, like Kayla Ancrum, Morgan Jenkins, the mods at Writing with Color, Thao Le, and Monica Zepeda, among many, many, others. I’m merely sharing my own perspective from what I’ve learned from listening to a lot of smart people, in case it might help some of you – if it doesn’t, keep looking, a ton of great resources are out there.)
Bringing this back because it seems to be an evergreen post (if my notifications are any indication) and people seem to be waking up to the fact that all of us talking about fandom racism/antiblackness? Had a point!
So if your next step is “now I want to create not-racist fanworks / fanworks with characters of color BUT I’M SCARED” - here ya go.
some of us are different anons, y'know. and casper even apologized several times for her more recent post when it was explained to her why it could look toxic. but instead of actually going to her privately, you decided the best course of action would be to make a callout, and then use who you are to justify continuing to be shitty. sorry you're now being called out for your behavior, but maybe take some responsibility, and next time you have a problem w someone, go to them privately first.
ur definition of abuse and 'calling out' and the reasons for them are dumb and really subjective to just u. as somebody who went through abuse themselves it sounds like ur trying to make it a competition which is really toxic and harmful? u literally only 'called out' casper because they hold a perspective u think is immoral which, surprise, only shows the quality of ur character being really immature and incapable of handling mature issues. for somebody who preaches about age u act like a child
yeah totally dude extremely subjective to just ME when casper posts about how they think abuse in a ship is sexy and cool and think its cathartic and fun to shove and hurt their partner (fictionally or not, im just speaking broadly for the sake of what they said) when thats literally abuse and several people are reaching out to me via ims asks and on discord to tell me how disgusted and triggered they were by that post and are glad someone finally said something about caspers behavior. sure sure sure sure
oooh, i get it. so you're using who you are as a way to garner sympathy and support from others, and to excuse your shitty behavior. got it.
IM SORRY HOW IS BEING ANGRY AT SOMEONE FOR FETISHIZING ABUSE “USING WHO I AM TO GARNER SYMPATHY AND SUPPORT” WHEN YOU LITERALLY JUST TRIED TO SAY THE ONLY REASON I DISLIKE CASPER IS BECAUSE THEYRE “A WOMAN” (quotations because thats what you said + i dont know what casper identifies as and im not going to intentionally misgender them)
Y’ALL CALLED ME AND MY FRIENDS “CUNTS” FOR BEING ANGRY WITH CASPERS BEHAVIOR OK OK OK
How can you call someone out for abuse didn’t you make one of your pre-transitioned characters an underage sex worker so he could immigrate to the US? And making all your trans poc muses rape victims?
????????? no ??????? i have no idea where you got the first one from, if youre referring to logan logan is 137 years old and migrated to the us in the 1910s which would make him (checks notes) in his late 20s because he was born in 1883, and no, that occurred with one of my muses that i apologized for as i realized what i said was insensitive and tone deaf--i’m trans and a rape survivor but not a person of color; i took responsibility for my fuck up and apologized to the people i hurt with it and publicly made an apology over it too. they dont have to forgive me but i didnt pretend like i didnt say something stupid, unlike casper who is refuting everything people are saying to and about them.
also..... i’m an abuse victim........ we wanna talk about my mom pulling me around by my hair as young as 4 years old, hitting me, punching my brother, and calling me a little bitch? we wanna talk about my dad kicking me in the stomach and screaming at me and pulling caretaker abuse? you want me to air that out?
did people forget casper also posted revenge porn of another roleplayer? always trash
HOLY FUCKING SHIT?? WHAT???
gutrage:
@horrorempathy what the fuck is this? what the fuck is wrong with you? abuse isnt a kink you freak?
reminder that casper also ships burtonfield (moira and claire from resident evil) (moira being in her very early 20s and claire 34) (also a gross ship to begin with because the burtons and the redfields are familial / barry is a father figure to chris) and defends every age gap even though some age gaps inherently bring about power dynamic struggles and potential for abuse via the difference in authority and maturity because they started dating their partner when their partner was 18 and they were like 26 (i could be off a little bit as i dont fucking, keep track of caspers age but they are in their late 20s!), openly vagued one of my friends who had personal issues with them over their portrayal of dissociation as it was shallow and simply incorrect (i also have issues with their portrayal of dissociation as i, you know, dissociate, they were portraying anxiety, not dissociation) and some other shit
can confirm casper will stalk you for weeks once you cut them off and will go on your blog to find shit they disagree with to vague about 🙄 i know a few ppl who are literally SCARED to cut them off bc of this
I MYSELF used to be afraid to unfollow casper years ago when we were moots because i knew they blow shit up!!!