sometimes
it’s just hard to see
(the pain
is actually
setting
you
free)
-rainwhipped
journal entry / 01.09.19 / 11:46pm
goodbyes
are full of pride
that’s what makes
people hide
the feelings
they really have
eating up their
insides
-ask me to stay
journal entry // 11.08.18 // 1:15pm
my words are my ghosts
once they are out, they’re out
for good
bouncing around the universe
probably cruising around in
an all black
hearse
sometimes i say things and
hope they never find their way
back
but its what they do
they haunt
because my words
are my ghosts
making me more cautious
or maybe just less
honest
maybe just better at hiding
like smiling instead of
sighing
this fear i’m so full of
this inauthentic cautiousness
is actually just hollowness
more caverns than people
like empty mines
full of socially acceptable
and easily digestible
words?
don’t be deceived
those people pleasing
pastel colored
sugar coated things
are still words, you see,
they haunt too
because words are ghosts
no matter who hears them
don’t be fooled
there’s no magic trick
to avoid this
some people
think they have it all
figured out
a master plan on
how to never let
their insides
out
they think, maybe
if i post more
eat less
seal up
and hide the rest
this ache will finally
cease
and maybe, just maybe,
this hearse will stop
chasing me
but oh baby, let me tell you
words don’t have to be said
to haunt
the unspoken ones
the ones you tried to hide
and keep neatly folded,
tucked among your insides,
are just ghosts only you can see
because there’s no accountability
it’s just you
and me
-my words are my ghosts
journal entry // 3.29.18
whistle
swoosh
i’ve got
holes in my
heart
but at least they make
art
whistle
swoosh
incomplete
or instrument
whistle
swoosh
all i know
is i’m
content
whistle
swoosh
i’ve got a song
inside
that i know
i can’t hide
whistle
swoosh
storms
make me sing
i used to think
it was embarrassing
whistle
swoosh
but i’ve just got
holes in my
heart
and at least they make art
-let the mean make you sing
journal entry // 06.27.18 // 4:17pm
silence
speaks
volumes
journal entry // 06.14.18 // 1:52pm
chest pounding
lungs heaving
cheeks burning
tears streaming
-growing up
journal entry // 05.20.18 // 9:03pm
Mother’s Heart
i am here
you are there
i am screaming
you can’t hear
reaching
pleading
praying
believing
running
fighting
hoping
and heaving
through
this
and that
the turns
and twists
prying my way
through this
seemingly
endless
abyss
it’s like thick air
so dark
it just won’t let me into
your heart
i know all this because
you are there
and i am still here
i’ve pled
and i’ll plead some more
until
that oh so God filled
glorious day
when we finally reach
that beautiful shore
which could only mean
we weren’t in this
dreadful awful
ugly
abyss
anymore
-mother’s heart
05.15.18 // @tonicristine
running
lungs heaving
lungs reaching
running
to who knows where
all i know
is this feeling is still there
running
towards
or away from
-who cares?
words sometimes gush out of me
leaving me drenched
to the bone
words sometimes drip slowly
as if they were
a painful
iv
both are necessary
you can’t have one without the other
but i live for the gushing
tonicristine-blog reblogged
i feel
you
slipping through
my fingers
grasp
onto
words
you once said
but they too
are gone
-i guess this is goodbye
so much to decide
makes me want to hide
journal entry // 01.31.18 // 3:21PM
sometimes i lay
in bed and
wish
that i could
sleep
with my
eyes
wide open
-monsters
journal entry // 01.20.2018 // 1:53am
it’s been getting worse
i think it’s always been there
but in stillness
i notice it more
when I close my eyes, exhausted,
at the end of the day
i feel it more than ever
the running
spinning
of everything
my mind and
heart
i run through every possible scenario
every outcome
the beautiful
ugly
and all the in betweens
i can’t seem to stop it
it happens when I’m driving
or grocery shopping, then I usually end up forgetting all my groceries,
it started to really scare me
when it started happening when I was talking to people
or mostly when they were talking to me
i would find myself just looking at them
observing
their faces
and moving mouths
but inside
i was running
-restlessness
journal entry // 1.16.18 // 4:52pm
empty
although quite full
of longing
desire
ache
for more
-i suppose i’m not empty at all
journal entry // 12.15.17 // 9:57pm