not my problem

aonemanarmy

#aonemanarmy #{ v; the punishment of babylon }#🐍🐤#{ t; misdeed }#nsfw

Community Label: Mature

The author has indicated this post may contain content that may not be suitable for all audiences.

At the mention of potentially reopening his stitches Sephiroth reluctantly pulled back and studied Cloud. It was strange just how different the man was compared to everyone else, which made him wonder why that was the case. He supposed that it didn't really matter the reasoning why though, so long as he was different was all that really mattered.

“I can stitch up the rest easily enough on my own.” He felt concerned that he might be inconveniencing Cloud or causing him trouble and he didn't want to impose anymore than absolutely necessary. After all, who knew how long he would be able to have the ability to enjoy such kindness? “It's just my legs that are left.”

Glancing down at the aforementioned limbs he frowned, wondering how many more times he'd have to have this sort of thing happen to him. Would this happen to him for the rest of his life? The thought was disturbing, but he couldn't say he'd be surprised if it did. It really felt as if he'd never truly be free from Hojo or Shinra and their twisted experiments, but he tried not to think about that so long as he could help it.

“How long do you think this project will go on for? The professor said it would continue if it was a success, but he hasn't mentioned anything else about it whenever I ask.”

#aonemanarmy #{ one missed call } | asks #{ v; conditions of madness }

Despite what Sephiroth said, Cloud ignored the way he tried to dissuade him from continuing his task. How that he had made sure that there were no other wounds on the upper half of the teen's body that he needed to take care of, it was onto the bottom half.

He hadn't thought much about how the kid decided to strip down, more concerned about what was actually underneath, but now that he had turned his gaze southward, Cloud saw just how bad the bandages were, and what needed to be done.

"Put your foot here," he instructed. He wanted to make it less strenuous on Sephiroth as he started to work. "The project may go on for a while. If they're successful, we may see ranks within the program. It might get a new name. Who knows."

Eventually, he needed the teen to stretch out his leg. He guided it onto his chair, and crouched down to one knee. With the same care as he did the rest of Sephiroth's body, he stitched up the wounds and dressed them.

When he lifted his head to check how Sephiroth was doing, Cloud found himself momentarily startled. His eyes landed on something he wasn't expecting, least of all its size.

Even at this age, Sephiroth was that big...?

Cloud quickly pushed the question to the corner of his mind and returned his focus on Sephiroth's face rather than what was between his legs.

"We'll need to do more than just this. After you have stopped bleeding and start to heal, use materia to speed up the process."

Sephiroth took in Cloud's words and stared at the blond for what felt like a long stretch of time, but in reality was only mere moments. Still, in that fleeting window of time he'd felt that strange connection between the two of them again and along with it a sense of comfort and reassurance he couldn't begin to describe. Was this what it meant to have someone that actually mattered to him?

“Yes,” he replied, his voice small, almost as if he were hesitant to speak any louder for fear that this was some sort of illusion and that the sound may break it. Fortunately, it didn't and he was still here with the only person that had ever treated him with a shred of kindness in his life.

With the pain still coursing through his body the boy moved to hug Cloud, pointedly ignoring it in favor of the comfort he received from their close contact. It was well worth any sort of residual pain, especially if he could feel like just for once his well-being mattered to someone beyond what he was capable of doing for them. The feeling of warmth and relief was more than a fair payment and it made him wish that he could always be this close to the blond.

“You're the only one.”

#aonemanarmy #{ one missed call } | asks #{ v; conditions of madness }

The corner of Cloud's lips twitched when he heard Sephiroth's affirmation. It was a start. At least the teen was willing to say that he valued Cloud's opinion. It could mean that something down the road could change depending on what Cloud favored, and if so, maybe he could prevent the tragedy of Nibelheim from happening.

But Sephiroth didn't need to know about any of this. Opening his mouth, Cloud was ready to give his reply when he suddenly found himself caught in a hug. His eyes widened slightly in surprise.

Tilting his head to look at Sephiroth, Cloud wasn't quite sure how to respond at first -- it wasn't often that people hugged him, unless they were children -- but it didn't take long for him to carefully put his arms around the teen and return the hug.

"Hey," he coaxed after letting Sephiroth have his moment, gently patting the back of his head, "You're going to reopen the stitches I just put in."

He nudged Sephiroth back to give them both some space and briefly glanced down to make sure the stitching was still in place. Seeing that nothing had been torn free, Cloud pointed down below.

"What about the rest of you? What needs to be looked at?" While they were at it, he might as well make sure Sephiroth was fully patched up.

“No, but others don't seem to think you're a monster either.”

Everyone else from what the boy could see still treated Cloud like he was human. All other participants in the project seemed to still be treated with some form of human dignity, but for whatever reason he was different. He'd always been told that he was special, although he certainly didn't feel that way – not in the good way anyway.

“Not like me.”

For whatever reason he was different. Looking in the mirror he could see that he was by the color of his hair and his eyes, but he could never understand why that was or how it happened. Was he simply some sort of mistake? Something that shouldn't exist? He'd asked himself those questions countless times, but he couldn't ever seem to find an answer to that question and Hojo and his team showed little interest in it either.

“Everyone is either afraid of me or treats me like I'm some type of animal. Maybe I am one, since why else do I look this way and can do the things I can do? I know that nobody else can...”

#aonemanarmy #{ one missed call } | asks #{ v; conditions of madness }#the irony...

Cloud didn't like Sephiroth's train of thinking. This conversation was no longer about who Sephiroth could or would be in the future, or who he was now. A part of Cloud that had always been soft towards kids was rearing its head, and he found himself frowning at the words the teen was using to describe his situation.

It wasn't easy trying to find the correct words to use to console him. Cloud knew the consequences of having the wrong thing said to someone who was young and impressionable. It was the adults around Cloud during his childhood that shaped who he was.

Now that he was in the position to be that adult for Sephiroth, Cloud reconsidered saying the first thing on his mind.

"People fear what they don't understand," he eventually said. "When S Project expands, there are will be people who fear all of us and think we're animals. It probably won't getter."

He knew from his own past that there were people who would become afraid of SOLDIERs just because of the rumors and deeds they performed. This was especially true after war broke out.

"Don't worry about them. The people that matter to you... those are the opinions you can pay attention to." He straightened up, still holding Sephiroth's gaze. After a pause, he asked, "Does my opinion matter?"

kyouminaine reblogged

Community Label: Mature

aonemanarmy

#aonemanarmy #{ v; the punishment of babylon }#🐍🐤#{ t; misdeed }#nsfw

Community Label: Mature

The author has indicated this post may contain content that may not be suitable for all audiences.

The boy didn't know how to process it all. It was so much new information that he felt like a major part of his world was crumbling and he felt confused and so very lost. More than any of that though, he felt a sense of pain and betrayal that he wouldn't recover from anytime soon.

“Why are you different?” He dared to ask after a time, wondering not for the first time why Cloud was so different to everyone else that he'd ever met. For whatever reason the man hadn't appeared to be frightened or bothered by his mere presence, that and he hadn't gone out of his way to hurt him or ignore him either.

The first time he'd met the man he'd seemed only cautious, although he could've been wrong as he was the last person to understand peoples' motives. Still, he hadn't treated him like he was a pest or some sort of beast and that alone made Cloud different. Ever since then the man had went on to continue to treat him like he were a normal person and with a surprising level of consideration and kindness.

“Why don't you see me like a monster?”

#aonemanarmy #{ one missed call } | asks #{ v; conditions of madness }

Cloud couldn't tell him the truth. That was to say, that it wasn't Sephiroth's current self that Cloud held animosity towards, but who he will become later on. The adult version who discarded humanity and ruined Cloud's life.

Pushing those thoughts aside, Cloud quietly looked at the teen. He had to tell himself that this question wasn't about who Sephiroth would be in the future, but who he was now.

"Why should it?" he asked back. "Because you're part of the S Project?"

Cloud pointed at himself. "Do you see me that way?"

All Sephiroth knew about him was that he was part of the project as well. He didn't know where he came from, what the details of his participation was, or anything like that. The what's and how's weren't all that important right now anyway; it was the fact that the two of them shared this common denominator.

"Monsters aren't just about strength or what they were ordered to do. Monsters can be regular people. People with twisted personalities or are cruel to innocents and kids."

People like Hojo and his team. People like Shinra's cabinet. People like the ones who perpetuate the cycle of evil.

kyouminaine reblogged

pencap

someone once told me there is no demon more frightening than a good man who has gone to war.

someone once told me the only things we get to choose are a hero's death or a villain's life.

so they said. so they said. so they say.

but no one ever told me what happens when a good man goes to war and becomes the demon.

but no one ever told me you can die a hero and be resurrected to a villain's afterlife.

- by sylvie (j.p.)

#{ don't wake me up } | musings #{ v; the punishment of babylon }

#amicitiaeclipse #{ one missed call } | asks #{ v; endless nights of ruination }#pesky little thing

amicitiaeclipse asked:

Iris prods him with the dull end of her skewer before looking away. She's playing innocent. Who did that? No idea.

@amicitiaeclipse

He felt the poke, almost subtle enough to miss, but there was no one else but the two of them here. Unless the wind suddenly turned into a stick, there was only real culprit.

But he could still play along. Flapping his hand, Cloud pretended to shoo away a fly and lightly smacked Iris' shoulder.

"Must've been a gnat," he muttered and took another bite from his own skewer.

At first Sephiroth wasn't certain that he heard Cloud right. There was something that allowed a person not to feel pain while they underwent surgery? The idea was so alien to him the boy thought it sounded like a made-up story, but he knew that Cloud wouldn't lie to him, so that only raised further and more disturbing questions.

Why was he denied something so essential? Surely Hojo had to know about this medical resource – it wasn't like the man not to know anything – but then that meant it was done on purpose. Was it to punish him? Did they like to see him in pain? Did they care?

Sephiroth felt his heart sink just thinking about it. His whole body suddenly felt cold all over and he had to fight the urge to curl up into a ball and pretend that none of this was real. Maybe it was all just some sort of horrible nightmare? All he had to do was wake up – but he knew that was too good to be true and that reality was indeed just that cruel.

It was difficult to meet Cloud's eyes with those dark thoughts running through his mind, but he did and questioned why the blond was so different to everyone else that had ever been around him. Why wasn't he just as cruel as everyone else? What did he gain by not treating him that way? He couldn't understand and that made things harder for him to process.

“They call them surgeries or special operations.” He murmured, feeling the dull, throbbing ache of his wounds seeping through the numbness that had begun to settle throughout his small frame. “But why does it have to be me? What did I do wrong?”

#aonemanarmy #{ one missed call } | asks #{ v; conditions of madness }

Cloud inwardly winced as he heard the wavering in Sephiroth's voice. He didn't like that he had to tell the teen the ugly truth, but it wasn't healthy either for Sephiroth to remain ignorant. Cloud had wondered for a while just how exactly the adult version of Sephiroth had come to break down.

Cloud could only make guesses after the fact, but after seeing how this boy was being treated here, he couldn't help but wonder if part of it was because he simply didn't know. His life was built on lies, and it was due to Hojo and this place that allowed Sephiroth to grow in a twisted way.

Looking at him now and seeing how wilted he was after hearing Cloud's explanation, Cloud almost felt guilty. He shifted his chair so that he could sit facing the teen again. Now that he had started this, he needed to follow through.

Studying him a moment, Cloud tried to carefully pick his words. There might not be any "correct" way to say it, and he could very well trigger something in Sephiroth that could alter how he perceived the world from this day on.

"You didn't do anything wrong. Some surgeons and doctors know they should treat their patient with care. Those are the good ones. The people who do this to you," he lifted a hand to gently touch the edge of one of the bandages, "aren't good."

He glanced down at where his fingertips touched Sephiroth's chest. "They might not stop," he cautioned him. "Come to me when they hurt you. I'll take care of it. I won't do that to you."

Sephiroth blinked and tilted his head at the remark. It made him wonder why Cloud offered to help him, since for the life of him he couldn't understand why the man would want to do so. Everyone else around him appeared to loathe to do anything for him beyond what they deemed necessary, but here Cloud was willing to go out of his way to help him...

“All right,” he murmured, before obediently lifting his head as Cloud asked.

Despite the pain he was in currently, the boy found himself grateful for the man's gentleness. Cloud's movements didn't cause him any unnecessary pain and suffering, and in fact it felt as if the man was deliberately avoiding doing so. It was so different from what he was used to and made him wonder if this was what things were like for everyone else.

“I don't know how people voluntarily choose to undergo surgery.” The boy began, turning so that his back faced Cloud once he'd finished cleaning and bandaging his neck. “Why would you want to do something that hurts that much on purpose?”

He wondered if Cloud had some sort of answer as it was a question he'd often pondered. After all, who would want someone to cut them apart even if it helped them? Surely the pain would discourage anyone else, and given the choice Sephiroth would avoid any sort of medical intervention ever again if he could help i

#aonemanarmy #{ one missed call } | asks #{ v; conditions of madness }

Cloud couldn't help but frown at the question. There wasn't a nice way to answer it without revealing to the boy how wrong it was for Hojo and his scientists to treat Sephiroth this way. But Cloud couldn't sugar coat or lie. The teen needed to know the ugly truth.

"They use anesthesia. It makes it so they don't feel pain," he explained. He wasn't sure if Sephiroth knew what anesthesia was, simply because he never had it used on him before. It was clear that the scientists never bothered to introduce it to him.

Cloud couldn't figure out why, but his best guess was that they either didn't care, or they wanted to test his pain tolerance. Whatever the answer, it angered him.

"They keep the anesthesia running until the surgery is done." Cloud carefully laid the bandage across another of Sephiroth's many wounds. His fingertips lingered at its base, just shy of touching it.

"What happens to you... shouldn't." He set aside the kit and looked at Sephiroth. "If they're calling it surgery, that's not what you're going through. They're just cutting you up for research."

kyouminaine reblogged

Community Label: Mature

aonemanarmy

#aonemanarmy #{ v; the punishment of babylon }#🐍🐤#{ t; misdeed }#nsfw

Community Label: Mature

The author has indicated this post may contain content that may not be suitable for all audiences.

Sephiroth lifted his head and stared at Cloud in confusion. He could scarcely believe the words he heard, especially since he had expected the exact opposite response. Never in his wildest dreams would he have expected Cloud to tell him that he had no reason to apologize, much less offer to take care of him.

Throughout the course of his young life he was used to having to fend for himself. The only real care he received was the bare minimum to ensure that he remained physically healthy, but outside of that he was left on his own. Hojo had fully expected any wounds the boy had to recover on their own for the most part with minimal interference due to the experiments he'd performed on the child, so anything else was unnecessary in his mind.

Needless to say any pain Sephiroth might've experienced was also not spared a shred of consideration as it wasn't important. Much the same could be said of the boy's emotional and social needs which were all but ignored, stunting him to the point he couldn't grasp the concept of basic kindness that Cloud showed him now. But even if he couldn't understand it necessarily, he could appreciate it and he again felt that rare sensation of happiness that made a small smile form on his lips.

“Okay, if you're sure it's all right.”

#aonemanarmy #{ one missed call } | asks #{ v; conditions of madness }

"I'm sure." Cloud's gaze lingered on him before looking down at the boy's chest to return to the task at hand. He discarded the gauze he was currently using and replaced it with a new one.

"That goes for any other time you're hurt, too," he added.

It was a strange thought, but he didn't like to see Sephiroth hurt. Not like this, anyway. Even though he would eventually become the enemy of the world after he became an adult, at this moment, he was still a kid to Cloud. A kid that didn't deserve to go through this abuse.

"Lift your head," he instructed, once he was done with Sephiroth's chest.

Once the teen listened, Cloud gently took his chin in hand and lifted it. He looked at the teen's neck to check if there were any injuries there. Seeing that the damage wasn't as badly as he thought, Cloud didn't spend too much time cleaning and bandaging it before getting up.

"I'll do your back. Turn for me." He grabbed his chair and dragged it over to the side so that he could better access the boy's back. A bitter grimace touched his lips as he saw what Hojo and his staff had done to Sephiroth.

Cloud bit back a curse and carefully cleaned and mended the wounds on his back.

#{ one missed call } | asks #{ 1 phoenix down } | ooc

xkuja asked:

2, 12

Mun Writing Meme

2. Besides writing, what other creative outlets do you have?

I like Legos, models, coloring, gaming, and crafting. While most of these hands-on type projects come with dedicated instructions, it's the idea of being able to put something together and enjoy the finished product. I was building a bookshelf the other day and I was really satisfied with it because I got to just focus on putting something together that I knew I would use a lot. Some people would find this a boring task, but the finished product makes me happy.

12. Is there a quote from a piece of literature that holds great value to you? What is it and why is it important to you?

This is a peculiar one because it's not necessarily the best one that has stuck with me, but the lesson is worth keeping in the back on the mind. "Rage is a powerful thing. People get upset over many things. Frustrating jobs, small paychecks, bad hours. People want things; people feel humiliated by others who have the things they want; people feel deprived and powerless. All this gives fuel to rage. The anger builds and builds and if there is no outlet for it, pretty soon it transforms the person. They walk around like a loaded gun, ready to go off if only they could find the right target. They want to hurt something. They need it." - from Magic Slays by Ilona Andrew The interesting thing about this quote (and I wish I could remember the chapter number it came from) is it's about how emotions, particularly anger and hate, can completely transform a person. As any negative emotion is capable of doing, but especially for rage/hate, when compressed without any outlet, it can turn into something violent and ugly, and make people do or say things they regret. So it's important to find that outlet, find a means to destress, find a way to step back and collect yourself before you do something that'll kill you. Kill your growth, kill your joy, kill your reputation, kill your relationships, kill your freedom, kill you literally...

#{ one missed call } | asks #{ 1 phoenix down } | ooc

reginrokkr asked:

6. How do you find inspiration to write when you can seem to find your muse? || 10. How many muses do you have and which do you relate to most? Why?

Mun Writing Meme

6. (I'm assuming that was supposed to be "can't seem to find your muse"? Meme must've had a typo.)

I write something else, or I just take a mental break. Sometimes that's all you need. Just step away, have a movie/tv/game night and do something else. Let your mind relax. Outside of RPing, I have a good example of this. I took a very long hiatus when I was first writing my fic. Four years I think? Maybe? I lost my inspiration to write, I didn't even want to think about it, and RPing just barely kept the creativity alive. If anything, it was more the friends I made through RPing that kinda took my mind off the shit that was happening in my life. When I was finally in the mental space for it, I just sat down and finally said "Yup, it's time to come back." I read over old writing, looked at some things I did through RP, and delved into canon material to remind myself why I enjoy writing Cloud and the setting of FFVII in general.

10.

Just Cloud. I used to juggle another character, but not anymore. I don't have the time or mental space for it. Now, would I say I relate to him the most? Hell no, that would be terrible lol. Frankly, I don't pick characters that I can "relate" to, but rather ones with interesting backstories that have potential for expanding. I can take NPC #37 with only two lines of dialogue, and build their lore just because their concept was interesting, not because I felt any connection to them.