My House of Black and their spouses and various other related fancasts so I can keep these bitches straight when I'm reading.

Walburga Black- Eva Green

Orion Black -Colin Firth

Alphard Black - Cillian Murphey

Cygnus Black- Tom Hiddleston

Druella Black nee Rosier - Michelle Pfeiffer

Sirius Black - Ben Barnes

Regulus Black- Timothee Chalamet

Belatrix Lestrange nee Black - Katie McGrath

Andromeda Tonks nee Black - Keira Knightly

Narcissa Malfoy nee Black - Sara Gadon

Lucretia Prewett nee Black - Caitriona Balfe

Ignatius Prewett - Sam Heughan

Melania Black nee Macmillan - Angelina Jolie

Arcturus Black III - Ian Gruffud (sp?)

That's all I've got for now. Will probably add more later. Feel free to say something if you wanna see my cast of certain characters.

In every (most) fics. Danny figures out the batfams identities, via Jason and his being ead aftereffects or just figuring out, which is cool and all. But what if he didn't.

Like what if Danny got adopted by the Waynes and just didn't realize how weird they were and vigilante like they were, he was just obvious to it. Insane amounts of obviousness. It could go one of two ways. Him genuinely not realizing.

Danny: hey, you look a lot like someone i know *suspicious eye squint* Nightwing: Ehm, do I? most be some good-looking person, *nervous laughter* Danny: Hmmm *Shrugs* ah well, must a freaky coincidence. Nightwing: Ha, ha...Yeah...that's it. Or denial. Him not wanting to have any semblance of a normal life be destroyed to denies it desperately. Tim: Look Danny, there's something you gotta know *pulls out red robin suit for proof* Danny: Oh, cool cosplay! looks almost like the real thing. Tim: What? No, it's- Danny: *grabs Tim by the shirt* It's not the real thing because this is a totally normal family, right? This totally normal family who has no deep dark secrets, who has no portal to the afterlife in the basement, right? Tim: eh, right.

Nightwing, in the kitchen full vigilante gear on except his mask, seeing Danny: heheheh... Hi Danny...

Danny, who doesn't want anything to do with all that: * puts Nightwing's mask back on his face* I didn't see anything, got it?

Tim: So.. You're not even the slightest bit curious?

Danny: Nope! I want to work with NASA. I want to work with space ships, and science, and find fun new space rocks. That is what I'm curious about. So I see, hear and know nothing about the weird hobby you guys have!

Tim:.... That... What... Are you sure?

Danny: That I want to work for NASA? Absolutely! Life long dream even! Since I learned what they did as an itty bitty baby!

Tim:..... Ok then.

----

Tim: B. You'll be pleased to know you have one non vigilante child. Who definitely doesn't know anything. Honest.

Bruce(hopeful whisper):.... Really?

Dick: He shoved my man back on my face. And told me he knew nothing B.

Tim: He wants to be an aerospace engineer for NASA. He has goals. That do not include crime fighting.

Alfred: Ah. At least ONE of you will be going to college then.

(Danny is immediately Alfred’s favourite)

Someone points out that the Justice League has the Watchtower, maybe Danny could use his connections and mad skills to get a placement there

Danny stares them dead in the eye and doubles down

The Justice League does not exist

Duke: ...did he just "there is no war in Ba Sing Se" us?

Alfred, wiping a tear of joy from his eye: Young Master Danny it is truly an honor and a joy to call you a member of this family

(Also please imagine just all the nonsense Danny says when various Justice League members show up in full hero gear.

He says it so confidently that some of them are actually convinced they've stumbled into another dimension where the Justice League/heroes really don't exist and have a crisis over how they can possibly get back to their hoke dimension.

Others try to explain things to Danny assuming he must be confused only for Danny to aggressively and cheerfully shut them down or for Alfred to appear out of the shadows with a spray bottle or broom with murder in his eyes)

Danny INSISTS on treating heroes in costume like cosplayers for a comic book series or maybe a tv show

He’s a good boy, doesn’t criticize the costume or how they wear it, just chats about how nice it is and it’s really well made, what drew you to that character? Oh is the character’s name Nightwing? What show is that from, sounds cool

He is willing to admit that criminals exist, but the rogues? Well, that depends on the day and the rogue

Joker he treats like a sad cosplay clown and tries to cheer him up. Joker HATES this

Killer Croc? Well that’s just a guy, Danny can empathize with being declared a monster, they just chill

Harley? 50-50 on whether she will join him in the “Justice League Ain’t Real” game or they turn to impromptu group therapy

One day Flash asks sarcastically if Danny believes in the moon landing either

Danny earnestly assures him that of course he does, the moon is real

And then also confirms everything else he believes in: ghosts, astral energy, yetis, dimensional travel, mind control, dragons, fairies and unicorns

Not the Justice League though

That’s a little silly. Aren’t you a little old to believe in superheroes?

Flash: B, c'mon. Please. Please tell me he's just fucking with us. Please??

Bruce: Flash. I have one, ONE child not running around getting concussion at night. If he has to pretend superheroes don't exist to avoid it? That's fine.

Flash: He made the Joker cry, B. He's NOT a normal teen!!

Bruce: He's doing well in school. He's part of the astronomy club. He joined hockey. Not only that, but he wants to go to college to design spacecraft. He's as CLOSE as I'm ever going to get! Let me have this!

Nightwing: Flash. We have to live with him. He saw me without my mask on once. And I swear to GOD! I could see murder in his eyes as he pushed it back onto my face. He's Agent A's favourite. Just.. Leave it.

Flash: He made Joker cry!

Red Hood: I know. It was FanTasTIC! Favourite sibling. 10/10. Joker had NO idea what to do. Best day of my life!!!

Danny “commit to the bit” Fenton/Phantom/Wayne

Actually come to think of it do the Bat’s know about Phantom?

It's funnier if they don't. Right up until they do. And then it all makes so much more sense.

It has to be a world ending level threat that Danny just cant ignore.

If it were him and one of his family members getting mugged hed bumble his way to stopping it for deniability.

But imagine Danny shows up on the frontlines as himself. Everyones freaking out because oh my god thats Normal Brother!

Then Danny wrecks their shit and everyone goes over to check on him and stuff but he just pulls a "Wow this was such a fun improve class! Glad I decided to come. Anyway you guys have fun I think that was enough for me. Bye!"

Personally I'm just imagining Danny sitting there as he watches the Justice League fighting a losing battle as the fate of the planet hangs in the balance.

On the outside, to the Batfam and other heroes nearby, it seemed Danny could do nothing but watch while Batman in his Hellbat suit and Superman were both being knocked aside by Darkseid.

But on the inside, Danny was lost in his own thoughts as a debate raged on as intensely as the brawl outside. On one hand, Danny tries to cling to what shreds of normalcy he managed to hold onto. On the other hand, his core aches at watching the battle and knows while the League is not strong enough... Danny is.

Eventually, Batman's suit begins to break as Danny watches in horror as Darkseid lifts the tired Bruce out of it, the New God's eyes glowing as he prepares to incinerate the Dark Knight with his Omega Beams.

Knowing he has no other choice, knowing he can never take this back. Danny releases a massive sigh of disappointment before finally shouting.

"Hey ugly! Put him down, now!"

This got Darkseid's attention. Much to the horror of every single person nearby, realizing a civilian is still in the area and looking at him like he's gone insane.

"Danny...? Look I know you don't believe in superheroes and all but-" Nightwing begins to speak, preparing to drag his brother out of harm's way.

But his grip on Danny's hand slipped through, Danny not even looking at him as he walked towards the ruler of Apokolips.

Darkseid stared Danny down, glaring at Danny who glared back with his eyes sparking an ectoplasmic green.

This earned him a smirk from the New God, who chuckled menacingly.

"Well well well... Now isn't that quite curious."

He dropped Batman to the ground as Wonder Woman rushed over to help him up while Superman stared at Darkseid and Danny, both slowly walking towards the other.

"To think I would not only have a chance to crush the Justice League, but you as well. Tell me, what is someone like the High King of the Infinite Realms hiding out amongst the living here for?"

Clark could have sworn Constantine had muttered a swear or two at the title Darkseid mentioned. High King of the Infinite Realms?

Diana was also concerned, recognizing the title while Bruce looked on with disbelief at the son he called the normal one. Clearly him being completely normal was too good to be true if that title was to go by.

"Well I WAS living what little bit of normalcy I had left before you showed up Uxas. Now your existence here has become a danger to this world I cannot ignore."

Danny only stared at Darkseid with a cold look of death in his eyes, not a hint of fear on his face. Before suddenly something within his chest glowed green as a crown of ice and a ring with a black hole symbol on it manifested from them.

The glow in his chest then forced out two silver rings of light around his body before they spread and moved up and down respectively, changing his appearance as if the child who denied the League's existence to their faces was shedding some layer of humanity he had left.

The plain dark black hoodie was replaced by a dark black and silver colored hazmat suit with a stylized D hiding a P within it on the front, glowing with a swirling green liquid inside it (that Bruce and other Bats couldn't help but compared to Lazarus Water). Though the most notable was the matching silver pauldrons on his shoulders that connected to a long dark blue cloak that seemed to house what looked like a galaxy.

His matching black pants and white shoes following to reveal the lower half of his hazmat suit, with silver boots that extended up to his knees with green soles

Lastly his pale skin became darker, as if covered by an ever present shadow, while his black hair and icy blue eyes changed to a snow white and neon green color that glowed brightly.

"D-Daniel?" The Ghost King turned to look at Damian who was standing behind the other Batkids, all on the defensive as they appeared to be locked in fight or flight mode but couldn't make a choice on either.

Danny then gave a small sad smile that showed he was resigned to his fate, no longer going full "There is no war in Ba Sing Se" mode. The bit was nice while it lasted at least, but Danny is a bit disappointed it's already over.

"Call me Phantom, Danny Phantom. The Ghost King, Ruler of the Infinite Realms, and protector of both the living and the dead."

Darkseid meanwhile cracked his knuckles as he laughed menacingly.

"I will relish ripping your core from your body as I take command of your kingdom."

The Halfa King merely glared, the glow in his eyes intensifying with green sparks of energy forming in his hands.

"Over my dead body."

Darkseid and Danny have never encountered each other before so Danny is of the thought that the other is an actual strong threat. They were ready to fight with everything they had. That changed very quick when he parried a punch and basically backhanded Darkseid into the ground. It was the very beginning of the fight and he was mainly gauging fight style by dodging mostly but he accidentally KOed the big bad of the day...welp time to put him in the dungeons and call it a day. He has an essay to write when he gets home and he still doesn't understand the book it was on. Hey Jay! Can you explain what Shakespeare meant when he was talking about an egg?

When his new siblings try to question him he will naturally deny everything

Danny: "ghosts dont exists"

"but your parents-"

Danny: "were scifi enthusiasts and ghostbuster fans"

"and the ghosts of Amity park"

Danny: "gas leak"

"and the floating crown?"

Danny:* pointedlyw does not look up* "crowns don't float"

You know what? I intended for my short story to have Danny finally drop the facade and enter a climatic showdown with the New God... Throwing any hint of ignorance and normalcy to the wind.

But honestly it would infinitely funnier if Danno oneshot Darkseid (horrifying literally everyone including the ruler of Apokolips) and then proceeds to go immediately back into "There is no war in Ba Sing Se" mode as I lovingly call it.

He refuses to elaborate and denies everything, pretending like it never happened as the League can only stare in a mixture of awe, shock, and fear at the newest Wayne adoption who walks off without a second thought.

Meanwhile Danny internally is having a nuclear meltdown as knows he is so dead^2 once he gets home where he will no doubt be endlessly questioned by his family.

Constantine: Bats, play along. Just let the kid pretend superheroes don't exist, because he has the power to make there have never been heroes in the first place

Okay, but you know what's even funnier?

Danny doing it as HIS USUAL NORMAL SELF.

Like @merchantziro 's addition. But add Danny sitting there with a Starbucks, wondering for several minutes weather or not he should engage that battle.

Then the Batsuit break, and Batman is pulled out, and -

(he can't watch another parent die. He can't. He WON'T.)

~

"Hi, Ugly! Put him down!"

The heroes watch in horror as the Normal Kid TM stands on the ground by a destroyed restaurant, and shouting at the world-ending god.

(Also, where the hell did he get that megaphone from?)

Nightwing, the closest, rush to get him to safety before his idiot brother could get himself killed.

(Not another brother. Not again.)

~

"yo, did you here me? Put him down and come face me like a MAN, you coward!"

Red Hood can only watch in awe and horror as the newest Wayne show his luck of survival instincts.

The rising god drops Batman midair, and float to face the child.

~

"I am not a man, little pest. I am a GOD."

Wonder Woman, hardly catches Batman before his falling speed could become deadly. He is unconscious now, and part of her think it's for the best. He shouldn't watch his son's death.

(not again.)

~

"well, I'm not a man either. I'm a teen. Glad we got this understandings." Danny smiles.

It's not a nice smile.

The ruler of Apocalipse, the New God, the most powerful being in the universe, look at this child.

Or what hides, and pretends to be a human child. The thing is smiling, a smile too wide for the face it's wearing. There are too many teeth in that mouth, going back into the unending darkness -

Darkeseid stares into the abyss.

(He wish he hasn't.)

"Now," says the... thing. That creature. The unnamed abomination. "Why don't you go back home, and live peacefully for the rest of your life?"

The Thing's eyes are cold. It stares hold inside him, reaching to his core, like a blade made out of frozen smoke.

"No need to fight, right?" Says the teeth and eyes and smoke and frozen screaming of the doomed.

"No, sir. I'll leave."

He run*.

~

Darkeseid just... Ran.

Flash still isn't sure what. Not even what is that "what".

Just.

WHAT.

Darkeseid just turn his tail and ran, after a minute of conversation with the new Wayne. The Normal Kid.

(nope. Still doesn't make any sense in his mind.)

He gets there.

"What... how did you do that?" He asks.

The kid just take a sip from his drink. "Did what?"

"How did you make him leave? What did you tell him?"

"Damn, I think it's finished ". The kid mumbles to himself, disappointed. "Um, what did you ask?"

It's okay. Barry used to ADHD kids. "How did you make Darkeseid leave?"

"Oh, so that's his name? Yeah. Just told him to leave." The kid shrugs.

"You," Barry's pretty sure he misheard him. "You 'just told him to leave'?"

He's going crazy. He's loosing it. He fell into a different dimension. He lost it and this is his death dream moments before the world is gone.

"Yeah, man," the kid still look unbothered. "I hate bullies. That's sooo not cool of him to do this shit out of the arena. Someone could have been hurt, you know?"

"The arena..?" Is he having a stroke?

"Yeah, in the comic con you're all going to." The kid shrugs. "Cool Cosplay, by the way."

Bonus:

*He won't stop running until he reaches his home planet, where he'll continue to establish a peaceful kingdom that would last three generations. But that's another story.

Ok wait let her speak

Please give evidence beyond “I hate them” or “I like sleeping in” or “I have to get up early”, none of which is actual evidence

Signed

an actual morning person

Night person who needs to see a doctor/get your car worked on/go to the bank/buy groceries, etc? You're gonna have to sacrifice sleep for it. Because for some reason it was decided that most places of business should open in the morning and close in the evening. Fewer and fewer places are 24/7. Wanna go for a nice stroll in the park? Tough shit, they close at sundown. Hell, want to just go for a walk in general? Fair chance of being harassed by the cops because being out and about in the dark is "suspicious" behavior. Want something that's not fast food and don't want to/can't cook for yourself? Best we can do is a diner like Denny's or IHOP. Got a loved one in the hospital you want to visit between work and sleep? Either gotta get up early or stay up late to meet visiting hours.

And let's not forget, no matter how little you actually sleep and how much you actually get done, if you're not awake during certain hours it means you're a lazy good-for-nothing. Express a desire for more places open 24/7? Selfish and entitled. Complain about how noisy your neighbors are during your sleep hours? Well you can't expect the world to tiptoe around you. But also you'd better keep it down at night because other people are sleeping!

But don't worry! There are plenty of guides on how to "fix" your sleep schedule out there! You just have to follow a strict, often disruptive routine that you can never stray from even a little or else you'll fall back to your natural sleep schedule lazy, undisciplined ways.

And at that, good luck finding a job that doesn't expect you to be in by 9 AM at the latest. Which means getting up at 7:30 AM at the latest, earlier if you have a commute. Which means getting to bed at 11:30 PM at the latest.

Which means night owls have a straight choice between self-employment/freelance work, with all its insecurities, or constant self-torture. (Oh yeah, sleep deprivation does count as torture, per the UN.)

Being out-of-sync with your natural circadian rhythm increases your risk of mental health disorders, obesity, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, gastrointestinal problems, neurodegenerative disorders (including dementia), skin issues, hormonal issues, and more. Even if we manage to force ourselves into a "normal" sleep schedule, we get poor quality sleep, because our bodies aren't meant to be sleeping at that time. It's a genuine health hazard, yet the world ignores it and tells us to just stop being lazy

"You enjoy the quiet of the night and find you fo your best work then in harmony with your circadian rhythm, stubborn as it is. The dawn choirs in the summer are grim reminders of everything, including that you only see the sunrise if you stayed up all night."

"I don't want to read this" is totally valid.

"This is disgusting to me" is totally valid.

"I don't want to read this because it is disgusting to me" is totally valid.

"I don't think anyone should be allowed to read or write this because it is disgusting to me" is authoritarian.

"I don't think anyone should be allowed to read or write this because it is disgusting to me" is authoritarian.

Bro, blocking someone and then using their tag like this is, all offence, weak as fuck. Like all you had to say was, na bro I don't promote pedo protags on this here blog, because I wholly agree with the premise of your argument given contexts (i.e., writing abusive relationships to show the evils, great; writing abusive relationships to show the romance, yikes).

This response is so, so comically shitty within the context of that tag, oh my god.

"I don't think anyone should be allowed to read or write this because it is disgusting to me" is authoritarian.

"I don't think anyone should be allowed to read or write this because it is disgusting to me" is authoritarian.

and

are both authoritarian viewpoints to hold and express, even if you don't have the power to enact them.

If you hold these viewpoints you are holding authoritarian viewpoints.

DUDE IT’S PEDO FICS EVERYBODY THINKS THEY’RE NASTY

Let me explain this to you in simple terms.

Something being nasty is not a good reason to ban fiction about it.

If we accept that "something being nasty is a good reason to bad fiction about it" then we give a foot in the door for all the people who truly, genuinely believe that queer people are nasty to ban all queer literature.

This is not about defending bad people this is about defending the freedom of good people from tyranny, you moron.

I think if you take it to its logical extreme. Say, banning people from writing stories of sexual abuse. That could then be said "well ANY talk about sexual abuse is bad."

And from that, you could ban books that talk about it irl. Or books like how to recover after being abuse. If its not something to be discussed AT ALL.

The fact that I’ve seen this post in some form on my dash like 100x and each time there’s new idiots who do not get that you can’t have *some* censorship.

Either you’re for it or you aren’t.

The moment you agree that something should never, ever exist in fiction is the moment that anything can be banned.

Remember a while back how Tumblr banned a bunch of tags, including many popular innocuous ones that even people who are for censorship used and were upset about?

When censorship happens, stuff YOU like can and will be banned. That’s how it works.

Remember how a bunch of people had their accounts terminated here only last year for writing about their own sexual abuse?

When you ban “pedo” topics, say, any talk of child sexual abuse in any form, that means people can no longer write about their own experiences. It means people cannot educate others so they can learn how to protect themselves or get help from these situations.

Censorship is authoritarian. Full stop.

Even if “everyone” agrees something is “gross” and “shouldn’t exist,” that does not fucking matter.

Do you know who generally believes queer people are gross and shouldn’t exist??

The same people who are banning books left and right solely because they have queer characters or relationships.

The same people who attack and kill queer folk for simply exisiting.

This is not just some fandom matter or a case of being chronically online.

Protecting freedom of expression is essential, and if you do not get that, I don’t know what to say to you.

And the people who keep bringing up child sex abuse as a reason for censorship are doing it very specifically because everyone feels like then they HAVE to agree with the person in favor of censorship.

It’s not that there isn’t widespread societal agreement on this. It’s that they want you backed into a rhetorical corner where you feel compelled to agree with them.

Also, like, we KNOW how this shit shakes out in fandom because it's happened before.

In 2007, Livejournal capitulated to the "pedophilia and sex crimes!" cries of (hate group) Warriors 4 Innocence, and you know what communities got shut down? Slashfic communities. Sexual assault survivor support communities. Authors who'd written non-smut m/m fic even got caught up in it. It was DEVASTATING to fandom spaces. I think pretty much everyone knew at least one person whose account was literally DELETED, or were a member of a community that was wiped off the map because they were considerate enough to include topics like "sexual assault" or "BDSM" in the profiles under the badly-named category of "interests" to indicate that posts on said blogs or communities may include discussion of things like that. Even if it was for a SUPPORT group. And it was because a group of religious bigots came to LJ and said essentially "EVERYONE thinks it's gross and that it's promoting CSA, we should ban it."

Like, strikethrough and boldthrough were a large part of what propelled AO3 out of a more unfocused conversation on one person's blog about hosting a site INTENDED for fandom content, into being an actual archive and nonprofit. And it's a large part of why you won't find AO3 banning topics that you find "gross".

Censorship is authoritarian and it will ALWAYS have more collateral damage than you can imagine.

If I had like Do Whatever The Fuck You Want kind of money, I'd get a huge area of land within a reasonable walking distance from the town, and set up a mock graveyard in there. Fake tombstones with names of people who have never existed, sculptures of weeping angels draped dramatically over grave monuments, a folly in the style of old gothic stone church ruins, the whole nine yards. And then just wait for the goths to show up.

Watch them hang out there, sit on the dilapidated benches, take dramatic pictures of each other, the graves, and each other on the graves, just enjoying themselves and doing their thing, paying no mind to the unassuming, tall, equally abandoned-looking tower at the other end of the graveyard. It's not abandoned. I live there. And I set up this whole splendid little park for them just so I could watch them frolic, just the same as someone would put up a bird feeder on their yard because they wanted to watch birds.

my family is fucking addicted to macgyvering and it's becoming a problem. every time something in this house breaks, instead of doing the sensible thing of replacing it or calling someone qualified to fix it, we all group around the offending object with a manic look in our eyes and everyone gets a try at fixing it while being cheered on or ridiculed by the rest.

it's a beautiful bonding activity, but the "creative" fixes have turned our house into a quasihaunted escape room like contraption where everything works, but only in the wonkiest of ways. you need a huge block of iron to turn on the stove. the oven only works if a specific clock is plugged in. the bread machine has a huge wood block just stapled to it that has become foundational to its function. sometimes when you use the toaster the doorbell rings. and that's just the kitchen.

it's all fun and games until you have guests over and you have to lay out the rules of the house like it's a fucking board game. welcome to the beautiful guest room. don't pull out the couch yourself you need a screwdriver for that, and that metal rod makes the lamp work so don't move it. it also made me a terrifying roommate in college, because it makes me think i can fix anything with enough hubris and a drill. you want to call the landlord about a leaky faucet? as if. one time my dad made me install a new power socket because we ran our of extension cords

to the people saying this isn't safe in the tags: my dad has a engineering degree and my brother is a mechanic this is like. state sanctioned macgyvering. safe sane and consensual macgyvering. our house will not burn down. in fact, i think it has made us all better in approaching problems from all angles when they arise, which has served me well in life, especially in high stress situations.

does our hot water switch off every thirty seconds making showers an exiting exercise in counting and resilience? yes. but one time the door of the train toilet broke, trapping me inside, and i went "well i can either succumb to the panic of claustrophobia or do this family-style" and then spent twenty minutes breaking down the lock with my shoelace and the belt i was wearing. so i'll take the cold water any day

Never have I wanted to see inside a stranger's home more

OP lives in a point-and-click adventure game

i do think it’s interesting that in less than a decade after reviving both the jurassic park movies and star wars franchises, universal and disney, respectively, have fucked up what could have been never-ending theatrical cash cows to the point where the jurassic franchise is ending in critical disgrace and star wars has been relegated almost exclusively to disney’s streaming platform. how badly do you have to fumble bags that are mostly just “people and aliens in a far off galaxy and space” and “dinosaurs! what would happen if dinosaurs?” that the franchises became so devoid of any redeemable value that people are eh about seeing a cultural icon like darth vader wield his lightsaber or a website like rotten tomatoes, which grades on a heavy curve, especially for nostalgic projects, has your film at a 37% critical favorability and is being accused of making dinosaurs “uncool”. it’s fascinating. i hope the bubble bursts for marvel next.

they each had a goose that lays golden eggs and they butchered it to get the eggs out instead of feeding it and now they've got a dead goose, some tremendously shitty and underdeveloped eggs, and a lot of angry fans who were hoping for golden omelets and perhaps some golden goslings but are now covered in entrails and the little feathers that get everywhere, and are somewhat miffed about the whole situation

it is a beautiful day, and you are a dead golden goose

an undead golden goose of a fandom laying golden fanworks all over the place and honking before running off with the shattered remains of copyright law in its beak is a wonderful and amazing image, thank you so much for taking the post in this direction

All throughout childhood, while my peers were socializing and making friends, I studied the blade read so many books that I am now almost legally blind, which left me with vast and deeply instinctual understanding of English grammar - and next to no ability to explain how it actually works. Friends will often ask me to proofread their writing and then get very mad when I say things like, "You need to completely reverse this sentence and cut this clause entirely; no, I'm sorry, i don't know why, I just know that the way it is now ITCHES 😭"

Now, what I want to see is a fantasy story where this plays out with MAGICAL grammar. Someone from a backwater town deeply steeped in folk magic arrives at Wizard Uni where all their fellow students are like "What do you mean, we should add another '𝞯∘⋇𝞿' to the incancation because it 'sounds better'? What do you mean, 'it could just be a regional thing'?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'THIS SPELL JUST FEELS LIKE IT NEEDS A LIVE RAT'????"

A story within a story where a mother sits her rowdy children down and tells them a story about a the world's sweetest, kindest mother who never lost her temper, never cursed and never yelled at her children, no matter how rowdy they could get. She would only gently, kindly told them to not do the dangerous things. One day she sweetly, kindly told her children to not go play at the riverbank, because it's dangerous and they might slip on the rocks, fall into the water, and die. Her children do not listen. They go play at the riverbank, where they slip on the rocks, fall into the water, and die.

And the sweet perfect mother of the story comes to the riverbank, sees that all her children drowned, and starts crying so bitterly that angels overhear her, and the angels say to each other, "she does not deserve this, this woman has never done anything wrong in her life, this should not have happened to her", and feeling great pity for her, bring her children back to life, and after that they always listened to their mother and lived happily ever after.

And the storyteller's children, who at this point are familiar with the concept that these stories are supposed to have some sort of a moral or lesson in them, interject to point out that their mother hasn't always done everything perfectly, she isn't always sweet, curses a lot, and as a matter of fact loses her shit at her kids all the time. She isn't like the mother of the story at all.

And their mother agrees: Her children are correct. She is not a perfect mother who has never done anything wrong. Angels will not have pity on her, and they will not bring her little shits back to life if they go to the river and die. So they better fucking not go get themselves killed in the first place.

for some reason middle aged comic fans coming on the internet to defend their decision as to why they thought a twelve year old should have died or lived is so funny 😭😭😭

I guess here's another prompt.

Thanks to an overprotective Fright Knight shadowing him all the time Danny has a reputation similar to Alastor (The Radio Demon). Now Danny isn't aware of any of it since the only reason he's even visiting Gotham is to check in on Jazz and maybe drop off some of their dad's fudge but it's still Gotham and Fright Knight is working overtime after realizing there were way too many threats to the young prince/king gathered in a single city but back to the Radio Demon part of the prompt.

Danny gets clocked as something odd from the very beginning but nobody really cares. He's just another meta, a nobody that was easily dismissed until some of the local criminals operating around Jazz's apartment vanished. That one mugger who thought about going after Danny is just gone. The pickpocket who thought he was an easy target is nowhere to be found and it just kind of snowballs from there with little things adding up over time until finally rumors start flying around about a supervillain going missing. I'm using Scarecrow as an example but it could be anybody really with one or two rumors joking about the new meta being behind all of the disappearances since a street kid swears they saw Danny getting gassed during one of Scarecrow's attacks. Then Bane goes missing too and there're even more rumors about Danny being involved somehow and it only gets worse when he's seen talking with Mr. Freeze just hours before the man and his wife disappear. The street kids start thinking he's something supernatural. The thugs and goons swear Danny's some sort of demon. The working girls share stories about how a simple deal with him could change your life. The supervillains are slowly growing terrified because if you're unlucky enough to hear it then sometimes late at night when he's out for a walk an old TV or a nearby car radio will suddenly broadcast the sounds of someone screaming.

Danny isn't aware of any of it though because he's listening to music during his walks and other than helping a few people here and there he hasn't really had to go ghost for anything whenever he's visiting Jazz. Fright Knight is the one going around tagging any sort of potential threat with Soul Shredder and even he's baffled about some random radio being able to tap into his pocket dimension for a few seconds every other night.

Tim doesn't really remember anything before the age of two. This is normal. As he stares at the old found footage gracing the TV, he really fucking wishes he did.

The footage is fairly straightforward.

His parents are in a rather expensive and pricey mall. There's a pair of...villains? Heroes? Mad scientists? Whatever, they're there as well and in the same area.

His parents are ignoring him, body language tense and angry. He knows without remembering anything that they're pissed at each other, and not talking to Tim because they don't want to snap at him by accident..

The mad scientists are ignoring their own son because they're too busy clapping and cheering as their red-headed daughter keeps walking out of the dressing rooms in different outfits.

The news station slows down the footage and zooms in, and the resolution is grainy, but obvious.

Janet Drake turns, looks for Tim, and grabs the other boy. She and Jack leave with him without a second look. The boy looks confused, but doesn't throw a fit.

The mad scientists finally turn and look for their own son, find Tim, and bring him forward to look at the red-heads dress.

No one notices. Jack and Janet don't come storming back for Tim.

Which means Tim isn't Tim.

Tim is whoever those people's are son.

It is November of 1893. You have just killed a vampire. Exhausted and worn, you close your eyes and rest.

You wake up. It is May of 1893. You are on a train en route to Transylvania. Your diary says you have had queer dreams lately.

You try to believe it.

(An old woman puts a rosary in your hands. You accept it without question.)

You are a guest in a castle you have never been in before (you recognize every hallway and know without trying that every door is locked). Your host is a man you have never met before (you killed him you killed him you killed him he had turned to dust and there was blood on the snow).

One morning you cut yourself while shaving.

There is nobody behind you in the pocket mirror’s reflection.

You turn fast, and the razor is like a Kukri knife in your hand.

Kon falls into the ocean, exhausted, and genuinely doesn't think this is going to end well for him. He's gonna faint in the middle of the ocean, where he'll sink to where the sun can't reach him. He won't be able to do the weird photosynthesis thing he and Kal do in space. He's gonna drown. Then he's, like, suddenly Prince Eric? From the Little Mermaid? But the Mermaid is way hotter and also a dude.

He's underwater, and very deep. He can feel himself fading out, black creeping along the edge of his vision.

Then, there's movement.

A very large mermaid - sorry, merdude - with glowing green freckles and crystalline, snowy hair. He's roughly the size of an Orca, and has the coloration of one aside from the freckles and vivid, glowing green eyes.

The merdude reaches out, very gently cradles Kon in his hands, and Kon's exhaustion catches up to him. Kon blacks out.

Kon wakes up on a California beach, alone.

He immediately tries to reach out to Aquaman; he's gotta find that merguy and uh...thank him. Maybe ask him out. He's not sure how he'd date someone the size of an Orca Whale, but he's Superboy; he'll figure it out.

~~~~~~

Aquaman has no idea what Superboy is talking about; there is no race of mer that large. He'd know, he's the King of Atlantis. Superboy keeps telling him he's wrong, though.

And the more he looks into it, the more he's hearing rumors of a very large, very ancient mer that spends their time lounging around old shipwrecks.

A mer that disappears the second anyone tries to approach them.

A ghost.

Danny, in his forties, knows he passes for two people; Bruce Wayne and some randomass reporter named Clark Kent. Which is great, because he's about to defend Bruce Wayne's son, and it'd be weird if the press thought he was just some rando.

Danny didn't want to know who the fuck Bruce Wayne was, but Sam's parents would not shut up about the guy as Danny was growing up.

So, yeah; he can recognize Bruce Wayne on site. And his children.

Not because he stalked them! It was all Sam's fault, her and her parents! Her for complaining about the Waynes, and her parents for idolizing them!

Anyways, he's pretty sure he just saw some chick drug Dick Grayson's quadruple sugar caramel frappe, and Dick drank it.

Danny doesn't really think? He kind of just moves.

Dick Grayson barely gets out a "Uh, hey-?" before Danny decks the bitch in the face hard enough to throw the woman back five feet.

She's definitely going to need a hospital.

Danny doesn't give a fuck.

Danny gives so little fucks that he just puts a very carefully gentle hand on Dick Grayson's shoulder and steers him away from the scene.

"She roofied your drink. I'm taking you to the hospital."

there should be a socially acceptable way to say "im not sure what to say to that. can you say something different"