[id: a tiktok screenshot of a worm on a train seat, captioned “Me riding the E train home after my boyfriend broke up with me because I ‘took it too far’ by putting my consciousness into a worm to prove he wouldn’t love me.” /end id]
“you became him?”
“no more than he became me.”
drew my friends cat
Please, I beg of you, may we see a photo of the cat? I am a simple man, I see a smiling cat and I love them.
she
I just realized I haven’t told you guys about how 3rd President of the United States Thomas Jefferson haunts my dorm room.
Okay so basically at the beginning of the year, weird shit began happening in our dorm room, me and my roommate would hear/see things, TVs and phones and computers would start on there own and do other weird things.
We decided jokingly that the room was haunted and named the ghost Jeff and even made it a door tag.
Me and my roommate began to notice a trend it the activity of “Jeff” He always seemed to act up most when I talked shit about Thomas Jefferson or James Madison’s personality/policies/etc.
We began to joke that it was Thomas Jefferson or James Madison (hell we even joked it might be Dolley)
Well the other day, our ghost confirmed himself as “Thomas Jefferson.”
After a particularly rude attack on Thomas Jefferson character (I claimed the best thing he ever did was die.) A fucking giant ass jumbo size box of Mac and Cheese fell off of the tallest shelf in our dorm room.
I’m talking one of these babies but it’s like a 20 pack. To me it’s obviously that this is obviously proof that “inventor” of mac and cheese, 3rd President of the United States who was born and died in Virginia travelled to Upstate New York in an area he never even came close to in his life to haunt my dorm
My roommate is not convinced though: She still thinks it could be James Madison.
But a Madison-sized ghost couldn’t have reached the mac and cheese (We conducted an experiment to see if Madison would have been able to reach it when he was only 5′4″ and being 5′4″, I couldn’t even reach it jumping up and down.)
So yes, me and my roommate have proved undeniable that Thomas Jefferson haunts our dorm room.
Also she pointed out that we randomly named the ghost “Jeff” which is pretty fucking close to Jefferson. Coincidence? OBVIOUSLY NOT.
“But a Madison-sized ghost couldn’t have reached the mac and cheese”
I’m so glad I was alive to see this sentence written.
Why were you regularly shit talking founding fathers tho
I’m a salty U.S. History Major, that’s why
A thing I doodled today,,, whilst looking @ photos of raccoons :O
Eat the rich
“After feeling remorseful, he surrendered to police the next day.”
absolutely fucking destroy the rich
normalize wearing teddy bear backpacks
Thinking about that guy that created a cleanroom in his local makerspace and built an entire gene therapy from scratch, making a virus that supposedly delivered the ability to digest lactose and then SWALLOWED IT LIKE A MAD SCIENTIST AND CURED HIMSELF OF LACTOSE INTOLERANCE, EATING TWO CHEESE PIZZAS TO PROVE IT
The balls on this guy
Anyway we need more of these people
To reiterate, this guy created a virus FROM SCRATCH to change all of the cells of his stomach lining. And then he SWALLOWED it!!. And it worked!!! Amsmzkdkejshdmxidkdhdjwjdodjfh I could never
The craving for Cheese unhindered is a powerful thing
Credit: Kirby Jenner / IG
via: boredpanda.com
This is some god tier photoshopping.
