Title: One Hundred Gold Pieces
Summary: It is up to the Elf King, his Ranger, and the Human Princess to recruit the terrible Pirate Maplebeard and his fearsome kindergarten crew to fight against the jerkwad Clyde.
The Great Elf King, the Beautiful Human Princess, and the Brave Ranger strode across the black asphalt of the playground, the cold wind of autumn throwing back their cloaks and hair. Just past the basketball court, currently occupied with second graders, stood Maplebeard’s ship.
The ship towered a whole five and a half feet above the sandy water. Trimmed in blues, the ship haul was a shiny plastic with only a slight mar tiny, oily fingerprints. The wind blew the bright red sail in the middle of the ship, like a bloody beacon of the crew’s terrifying power.
All around the vessel, pirates went about their duties, making mud pies for dinner or practicing their swordplay with sticks. At the vessel’s wheel, shouting orders to his crew, was Maplebeard himself.
The Princess readjusted her corset, shifting around the socks she had stuff down her shirt, only to receive a sharp glare from King Kyle.
“If you try to charm my brother, Kenny, I’ll kick your ass. I don’t care if you’re a girl or not,” King Kyle threatened.
Princess Kenny looked shocked that he would even suggest it.
“Kyle, you fucking Elven—” The Princess coughed into her hand, adjusting her voice back into a gentle, girlish tone. “Ah, I mean — I am a lady, your majesty, and I find it quite appalling that you would even suggest something so crude of me. You’ll never find yourself a hot babe if you keep acting like that.”
King Kyle opened his mouth to point out that Kenny had tried to charm every other person playing Humans and Elves, but shut it with an eye roll. If Kenny wanted to be like that, he wasn’t going to waste his time arguing.