You're All Just Crows on the Power Lines

To The Substitute Art Teacher - Jordan Bolton

my grubhub being delivered by a wizard or some sort of apostle

I feel cheated. no one on Reddit told me that tumblr is a serotonin factory. Keep liking and reblogging my posts please thanks

Just don't fly too close to the sun.

Throw me to the sun and I’ll get it pregnant

he understands the website your honour

the hardest thing is when ur going through something terrible there is an awful middle phase of it when u don’t know if u can get through it or if you’ll ever be okay again and the truth is always you will get through it and you will absolutely be okay again but u just cant see it at the time

Dolly Parton in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982)

"I see all, and I want it to STOP."

the thing about me is i get hannibal and hamilton confused

yeah so i just thought to myself, it’s wild how there’s a musical about the guy who eats people

THATS WHAT SWEENEY TODD IS ABOUT?

enough. i thought it was like a boy who was a ballerina. idk where that came from

time to evil jerk off

COUNTER SPELL

tumblr is probably the best website because you can say things like “hey. dont cry. suck her sloppy saturday wednesday ok?” and everyone will be like yeah this expresses a coherent thought

If you work a tipped job literally make up a silly name for yourself and people will think you’re so much more charismatic and personable for the exact same service. People are soo much nicer and tip me better when I say my names Melon. They fucking love it all I gotta say is yup that’s my real name. my parents are huge hippies. I know fucking insane right. Fucking stupid. With a straight face and especially the old people they have to fan themselves they get so excited

TIL Many haunted houses have been investigated and found to contain high levels of carbon monoxide or other poisons, which can cause hallucinations. The carbon monoxide theory explains why haunted houses are mostly older houses, which are more likely to contain aging and defective appliances.

via reddit.com

correlation is not causation, ghosts are drawn to poison and weakened minds

something i love about Home Movies is how Coach McGuirk is like a science experiment compared to the rest of the cast

ever dream this man?

the thing about me and obama is that we were both having a lot of imaginary gay sex at age 21

I was simply having gay sex at 21, can't relate

wow thats crazy. reblogging to spread the word. hey guys just so everyone knows, this person has had sex