I’ve been here almost four days and I s2g I’m already picking up the Midwest accent again this is so bad for my rep!

I’m absolutely useless today! I lost motivation 2 hours ago and I’m really struggling to do the things I put on my to do list today! I don’t want to do them! But I don’t know what other work I could do to be productive but switch gears a little! Monday! What! Are! You! Doing! To! Me!

I think my therapist low key broke up with me so I don’t have to do it. 

Some good things:

✨ I think I successfully ran my cluster analysis in R?

✨ A first year grad student is coming into a lab that is also studying academic development so there is a possibility for them to help out with my research/just to have more friends in this abandoned building lol 

✨ Paper revisions almost done and sent back?!

?? things:

❓ There’s a skeleton in one of the offices in here and it scares the crap out of me every time I walk by because I think a person is just LURKING what are you doing here SIR

I’m cleaning my apartment for a pre-move out inspection tomorrow and everything is so beige it’s difficult.

Is my floor dirty? Or does it just look that way because it’s old and beige?

The entire time I’ve lived here I’ve been uncertain about whether or not things are actually clean when I clean them.

I think some of my frustration re: my last post too and why I haven’t told anyone I’m trying therapy is that some of my close friends talk about how transformative and healing and instantly satisfying they’ve found therapy and I have not had that. Even when I saw the person just once and tried to explain to one friend in particular that it just didn’t sit totally right with me, she did not understand. I understand that it can be a lot of hard work and that I probably just need to stick with it, but I feel like I’m just being seen as resistant and difficult, instead of people listening to me and recognizing that I am not having a similar experience to theirs. 

I haven’t really told anyone in my life this yet, but I started seeing a therapist. I had my second session today and I’m frustrated so I want to write about it. If you’ve ever gone to therapy and have some words of advice, I’d appreciate it 

I have this really bad habit of leaving open a bunch of files I’m working with on DropBox, letting my computer DIE, and then coming back to them and having issues because my advisor has worked on them. My versions of the docs are all now named “133lkjhf3678hsdke234″ and now I gotta figure out how to fix this. 

So my advisor hasn’t been in to officially tell me that the space I’m in is my office...but I’m no longer asking permission I’m just taking what’s MINE. 

And I’m cleaning it anyway and I’m pretty sure I just cleaned up a wine stain off of this desk.