parts i hope they keep in the red white and royal blue movie: a list.
β’ "i'm going to throw up on you" at the stables
β’ "i'd rather be waterboarded" also at the stables
β’ "i bet he has a secret lovechild," nora says. "or he's gay. or he has a secret gay lovechild." "it's probably in case i see his equerry putting his batteries back in," alex says.
β’ midnight ice cream on instagram and "i didn't know you wore glasses."
β’ the awkward fist bump on "this morning"
β’ "do you mind?" in the cupboard at the hospital
β’ "you're not the prince of me"
β’ "i cannot believe even mortal peril will not prevent you from being the way you are."
β’ "are you psychoanalysing me? i don't think royal guests are allowed to do that."
β’ "is that the time you threatened to push me into the thames?"
β’ "it was like you were trying to set him on fire with your mind."
β’ "don't let the papers print lies about me after i've garroted myself with my tie."
β’ "you are the thistle in the tender and sensitive arse crack of my life."
β’ the whole turkey situation but they really can't get rid of that it's too important - "buy a summer home in majorca with the turkey"
β’ mr wobbles and jabba cakes please.
β’ "you're jeff goldblum"
β’ "please do not attempt to steal my shine. you will fail and i will be embarrassed for you."
β’ "christ, you are as thick as it gets."
β’ alex falling while running with june cause he was thinking about henry
β’ "you're not going to kill him, are you?" she says. "probably not," alex tells her
β’ "i mean, er, should we, i dunno, slow down?" henry says, cringing so hard at himself that one eye closes. "go for dinner first, or-"
β’ "i'm going to die," henry says helplessly. "i'm going to kill you," alex tells him. "yes, you are," henry agrees.
β’ alex fixing his hair for him
β’ the whole polo kit situation. henry slowly putting his foot back on the floor π
β’ "you're a mad, spiteful, unmitigated demon, and i'm going to kiss you until you forget how to talk."
β’ birthday floggings et al
β’ i will staple your dick to the inside of your leg
β’ "i miss you," alex says before he can stop himself. he instantly regrets it, but henry says, "i miss you too."
β’ "i want to... put my fingers in his mouth..." she moans, sounding horrified. (WE NEED JUNE)
β’ "if only you had known the mighty work of thine loins would be undone by a gay heir who likes it when american boys with chin dimples are mean to him."
β’ just the whole karaoke bar situation. plz.
β’ o captain, my captain
β’ "i want to see a cage match between your grandmother and this fucking ghoul running against my mom"
β’ "and you are good. most things are awful most of the time, but you're good."
β’ "he is truly a picture, wearing an expression of bewildered panic and absolutely nothing else."
β’ all of zahra's little quips - "every time i see you, it takes another year off my life." - "ask me if i'm afraid of the crown."
β’ SEXUAL EXPERIMENTATION WITH FOREIGN MONARCHS: A GRAY AREA.
β’ EXPLORING YOUR SEXUALITY: HEALTHY, BUT DOES IT HAVE TO BE WITH THE PRINCE OF ENGLAND?
β’ FEDERAL FUNDING, TRAVEL EXPENSES, BOOTY CALLS, AND YOU
β’ "some saucy tart once tried to impugn my virtue against an oil painting of him, and in the halls of memory, some things demand context."
β’ I GUESS THAT MAKES YOU. THE MF. NORTH STAR.
β’ santa maria is watching
β’ "philip is the heir and i'm the spare, and if that nervy bastard has a heart attack at thirty-five and i've got malaria, whither the spare?
β’ alex's meltdown outside kensington. very important. - "how 'bout i just keep yelling and we see which of the papers show up first!" he turns back to the window and starts flailing his arms too. "henry! your royal fucking highness!"
β’ henry nuzzling his nose behind alex's ear.
β’ "next time we shall visit some of the george III pieces and see if they burst into flame."
β’ DANCING TO YOUR SONG IN THE MUSEUM
β’ "once shaan managed to dislodge him from the chandelier"
β’ "i will physically fight your grandmother myself if i have to, okay? and, like, she's old. i know i can take her." "i wouldn't be so cocky," henry says with a small laugh. "she's full of dark surprises."
β’ "your spine's a ridge i'd die climbing"
β’ "check the fucking news, you horny little miscreant"
β’ you're my mean friend
β’ I π LOVE π HIM π ON π PURPOSE π once again they can't leave that out if they do i'll k!ll someone
"what are we even defending here, philip? what kind of legacy? what kind of family, that says, we'll take the murder, we'll take the raping and pillaging and the colonizing, we'll scrub it up nice and neat in a museum, but oh no, you're a bloody poof? that's beyond our sense of decorum! i've bloody well had it. i've sat about long enough letting you and gran and the weight of the damned world keep me pinned, and i'm finished. i don't care. you can take your legacy and your decorum and you can shove it up your fucking arse, philip. i'm done."
β’ "for what it's worth," he says to philip, "that is the bravest son of a bitch I've ever met."
β’ "I've been gay as a maypole since the day i came out of mum, philip."
β’ bea pouring the tea on philip's lap
β’ henry pulls alex close and kisses him, whispers, "i love you i love you i love you."
β’ never π tell π me π the π odds π
β’ "my life is a cosmic joke and you're not a real person"
β’ "listen, you've had your first big sex scandal. no more sitting at the kids' table."
β’ how to love each other in plain sight
β’ "holding henry's hand atop his own knee" in the portrait
β’ "all this fundraising for sobriety is going to drive me to drink."
β’ "I'm the prince of...here"
β’ "you spent a month of your gap year talking to yaks in mongolia, h."
β’ "i know it's a lot, but you give people hope. so, get back out there and be alex."
β’ alex tripping on the magazine with them on the cover
β’ henry fixing june's hair
