i told my friend’s dad that he was hot (it was in context with the conversation, he was complaining that he was feeling old, etc), and he said a very genuine thank you and the conversation moved on to other topic, my friend was now talking about something else entirely when his dad goes
“i think if i were born in your generation i might have been bisexual”
and friend got kinda mad at me lmao
Fuck his dad
Fuck his dad
Fuck his dad
Fuck his dad
Shit man, this wizard war is fucked. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "the ten hells" or some similar shit, and every one around him turned inside out, had their tibia explode and then disappeared. The camera didn't even go onto him, that's how common shit like this is. My ass is casting frostbite and level 2 poison. I think I just heard "power word:scrunch" two groups over. I gotta get the fuck outta here.
that mcelroy final pam clip is gonna get my ass in trouble one day because ANY time a baby/young child starts crying or fussing at work, i think of 2 things.
"baby needs snack" (which is very fun to say while advancing on them with cracker packs, doing the voice almost always gets a laugh) and
"i take a hammer and fix the baby" which i absolutely cannot say out loud in public ever or i go to fucking jail
Not if you're wielding one of these bad bitches at the time
Maximum security
Put this in a D&D game and watch them struggle with it for over an hour lol
But travelling off the path could be a trap
are you race-faking
RACE FAKING AS WHITE?????
Revoking your right to participate in White Boy Wednesday :/
you are NOT permitted to play that funky music
No one will cheer “go white boy go” when you dance anymore 😔
I will continue to call The Creature “Frankenstein” and no force in Heaven or Earth will impede that.
I also laughed at him totally deliberately calling attention to the fact Victor isn’t a real doctor because he dropped out of college and built a guy out of corpses
He punched the lycanthropy right out of wolfman
did he just throw ygor out a window
ROTARY_PISTON
i have normal thoughts about the rotary piston
Whatever you say, Tumblr user robotgirl-cock
"missed all of your vital organs" is such a scathing injury report if that happened to me i would never let the person who maimed me live it down. you had a 1 in 7 chance and more than 50% of my body's surface area to target and you fucking blew it. cope and seethe over my unperforated heart, lungs, brain, liver, kidneys, pancreas, small intestine and large intestine you fucking idiot. you incompetent fool.
CALL YOUR BOY LIBRARY BOOKS THE WAY IM CHECKING HIM OUT
CALL YOUR BOY A HARDCOVER THE WAY I’M TAKING OFF HIS JACKET
CALL YOUR BOY A BOOK THE WAY I WANT TO GET BETWEEN HIS COVERS
CALL YOUR BOY A BOOK THE WAY IM RUNNING MY FINGERS ALONG HIS SPINE
CALL HIM AN E-READER THE WAY IM TURNING HIM ON
CALL HIM MORE FUNDING FOR LIBRARIES THE WAY EVERYONE WANTS HIM
CALL HIM A WELL-LOVED BOOK THE WAY HE'S FALLING APART IN MY HANDS
abcdefghijklmnop rstuvw y
23/26
call me out for sexualizing your queer boyfriend the way i. complete the alphabet
that's good
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
26/26
swallowing a sword to please my ailing king and i get it down my throat and i start gagging and coughing but im blushin g and shaking alittle and i push it down further and cross my legs for reasons the court does not understand and then i pull the sword out and gasp for air and i like spit on it and my makeups all fucked up and the guards instantly riddle me with crossbow bolts
that is the face of a man worried he will be next
Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man's boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you're excited about it.
crane husband.....
this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.
(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:
Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this
she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she's simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)
His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)
the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and "sitting" on artificial eggs so she thinks he's performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)
"chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES." (alternately: "chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She's 36, she's very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! ...Is there a downside? WELL...")
chris sits any potential human partners down, like "my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already... Attached" (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) "Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding... the relationship is open, but very committed"
just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.
well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.
Not only is he 'married' to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes
the “this content has been removed for violating Tumblr’s Community Guidelines” notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was
World Heritage Post
A man walked straight into a bar
And then came out
