when it takes you a while to process what someone is saying and you realize they asked you a question

I cannot fucking believe I am drunk, past midnight, and tumblr is throwing fucking saturated fatty-acids at me

Listen here friendo I didn’t sit through a year of organic chemistry for you to come into my house and call a carboxylic acid a saturated fatty acid you respect that hexadecanoic acid

And I didnt get a degree in biochemistry to hear you say that carboxylic acids with aliphatic chains arent fatty acids. That hexadecanoic acid IS a saturated fatty acid!

jennifer coolidge can say the f-word idc

that's not a cat that's a knock off

@devourer-of-shredded-cheese

If you’re not ready to fight an alligator over your best friend dont even think about coming to Florida

Apex predators

Yooooo

Florida culture is living in a real life Jurassic park yet being more scared of the local people

TBF, you would be too if you’d ever met Florida Man

Hopefully this doesn’t burst anybody’s bubbles, but the video’s fake (https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/did-man-save-friend-from-reptilian-attack/)

Now, by fake I mean: the alligator wasn’t real, it was put there as a prank by some Youtubers, to record people’s reactions. So the guy a) survived, and b) reacted as he would (AKA: fought a fucking alligator to save his friend) had it been real, because neither of them knew it wasn’t.

To quote Snopes: It appears that the “elbow drop” move was actually a real, good-faith, and quite courageous response to an uncomfortably realistic and relatively low-effort prank

Ok but like…. that still doesn’t change the fact that this absolute legend genuinely thought an alligator was about to eat his friend and he ELBOW DROPPED the fucking thing to save him!!!! That’s some true ass friendship right there

No people or animals got hurt, guy got to try and elbow drop an alligator, and his friend got to find out just how ride or die his friend is. As far as I’m concerned this makes the whole thing better.

me telling a lie

Jarec Wentworth, a straight man well-known for not wrecking men's walls

wait didn't he go to jail?

Nothing bad, he extorted a republican donor out of a fuck ton of money lol

the main thing that puts me off of playing chess is that there is 2000 years of gameplay that hundreds of people with higher IQs than me have spent thousands of hours studying the history of, so much so that when i put the pawn forward they say “ah i see youre going for the bulgarian somersault” and then i try to take their bishop with my knight and they go “aw, rookie mistake, youve played the frenchmans cumsock, and in approximately 37 moves i’ll have won”

It’s SO obvious that some of y’all are incredibly mad that my wizard hat is bigger and supremely balanced.

okay… i can still see the folds on your wizard robe… iron it.

Now I know you ain’t talking with ya dusty ass grimoire. That bad boy is held together with scotch tape, spit, and faith. Helpful hint: you want the spines of your enemies to break, not your magical tomes.

no cause it’s really cute hearing that from you when last i checked your grimoire isn’t being passed down from generation to generation. i know you got it from walmart with your dollar store lookin ass staff. you can keep your hint.

I just think it’s funny you think anything that isn’t dusted and busted like your grimoire is somehow less authentic, when the reality is you a broke ass wizard who can’t get your coin up! You gotta use hand-me-downs cuz no king wants to make use of your services! Maybe you should dress like this isn’t the third century and ppl would visit your sad lil’ wizard tower. Your grimoire so old I bet that shit got spells to deal with dinosaurs. I got a spell in mine to make wifi anywhere. Oh, and I know you ain’t talking about staffs when you carry around that plywood looking ass shit. You tryna conjure forth a Home Depot employee?

you scroll-stuffing spell stealing nasty little SLUT

Nuh-uh, bitch, try again.

Kay so it’s from a satire news article.

OH THANK GOD

This gave me whiplash