she’s jealous of the way lawrence can so easily move on from the tough conversation. and from her all together. it’s probably for the best because she can’t keep losing him. the single shred of hope being crushed is like remembering their past and where it went wrong over again. they simply aren’t right for each other and megan isn’t about to beat a dead horse. it’s easier to pretend to dislike him than to pretend she still has feelings for him. good and bad feelings, though mostly the former. she doesn’t bother answering his question either, because it’s just too complicated. instead, she stands and mirrors his fake smile. “let’s go and find out if your hope is enough.” and she finds it ironic how, seconds earlier, hers clearly weren’t.

          he used to hope that things would go back to the way they were. it’s moments like these that always make him think that. he wishes a joke could just be a joke and not just another thing that they’ve lost. still, he’d take these stilted conversations over the months of no communication. he’s always liked himself the most around megan. “maybe i can rig it,” he jokes as he follows her lead and stands from his seat. “god, i just remembered what you told me about mr. monroe.” he shakes his head as they make their way for the door. he takes a deep breath — time to face the music.

          ferris lets out a weak laugh, acting as if whatever she said humored him. in reality, her shoulder bump was a little painful and he sneakily brings a hand to rub the spot and ease some of the discomfort. “who cares about meeting someone?” he counters with an eyebrow raise. maybe he was only deflecting since the reason why he’s so engulfed in his work is because he was finding another place to put his love for alice into, but he truly felt like you didn’t need a romantic relationship to be happy. ferris is content being just friends with alice, if that’s all this is to her. “uh… ferris metzger, nice to meet you. apparently we’ve never met before?” he jokingly holds a hand in front of her to shake. “when have you ever known me to ask girls out?”

          she rolls her eyes and swats his hand. “not funny.” but she still cracks a smile. “i don’t know,” alice shrugs her shoulders. “thought maybe you’ve had a change of heart or something. you can’t just wait around forever, you know.” she’s never been as patient as he is. she’s always gone for what she wanted, always spoken her mind; people have always been surprised by this — she’s unpredictable like that. she can’t imagine swallowing back every word the way ferris must. “but whatever, i’m done pushing.” she puts her hands up in mock surrender. “for now, at least.” it’s a miracle he hasn’t gotten sick of her yet.

          megan’s heart feels like it’s about to beat out of her chest when he seemingly agrees, though you can’t see the excitement on her face as she keeps a stoic appearance. there’s a but coming. there’s always a but. and yet expecting it has never made it hurt any less. of course challenging lawrence was entertaining for her, she just rarely thinks about the consequences. as if in an attempt to hurt him, she’s only hurting herself. megan blinks once, a short moment passing before she’s swallowed all of the disappointment and ready for a proper comeback, “you know if you don’t want to, you could say no.” the lighthearted tone is gone now and she can feel she’s made the air around them a little more tense. she hates it. she doesn’t want it to be this way, so she quickly adds, “besides i can’t pay. i have to save up for secret santa.”