hey omg what about jeno finding out that reader has hanahaki because of him
It was on movie night that he found out.
You were watching a documentary on ghosts, a video Renjun asked you to watch. You pleaded Jeno with the cutest puppy eyes you could muster, and he gave in, laughing, saying that 'as long as I get to choose the ice cream flavor!'.
It was nice, that deal. And Jeno was warm. He's on his phone, texting who he claimed to be Jaemin, but you don't believe him anyway. You knew when he lied and when he told the truth. Naturally, you lean in his space in the guise of sleepiness, and he chuckles, petting your hair.
The conversation you see is something you wish you didn't.
I love you, the person said.
Jeno typed: I love you too.
Your throat itches. Not now, not now, not now. It seems to itch even more in retaliation. You excuse yourself to the bathroom, tears streaming down your cheeks and dripping alongside your bloodied lips.
You cough into your hand, eyes widening when you see Jeno in the mirror, having opened the door to check if you were 'fine'.
The petals were the warm shade of his eyes when he decided to wear colored contact lenses, a pretty sky blue. They were beautiful in both of your opinions, and maybe a little crazy, but beautiful nonetheless. They're velvet to the touch and unlike most other things, they're warm to the touch, like being at home in a winter day and having a cup of cocoa.
The only problem is, they make it so hard to breathe.
"Who?" is the first thing Jeno asked. A stupid question, really.
You laugh sweetly, coughing harder again. You reach for one of the cabinets in the bathroom where you hid any evidences of your disease. You bite your lip, handing Jeno a white envelope.
With shaky fingers, Jeno opened the envelope in front of him. It's from a hospital, one which is well-known for diagnosing and treating serious illnesses. Jeno feels his heart drop.
It said a lot of things, like several ilnesses you tested negative for. He doesn't know what to expect, if he expects anything at all, but he notices something that makes his heart drop further. Hanahaki Disease, it reads.
And he doesn't need to ask who, because he knows it's him. He's killing his own best friend, planting seeds of flowers that will soon suffocate you to death. Somehow Jeno knows, and heaven's sake, he never even noticed.
"Even in my dreams I don't wish bad things to you." You say as you pat your mouth dry with a handkerchief. You pathetically wipe away your tears, angry that you even had them. "God knows that in all my prayers, I hoped we are both be happy, even if you didn't love me."
"Y/N..."
"But why is it like this, Jeno?" You muse to yourself, "Why do I have to suffer for simply loving you?"
He feels weak. Tears fall from his eyes and he realizes you're wiping his face with a clean hand. You're the one sick, and instead of comforting you, you're comforting him? You cough a little, a blue petal falling out. Jeno has always loved blue. He loved how it reminded him of the sky, but more importantly, it reminded him of a certain smile.
He thinks of her. He wishes he didn't, because he's holding you as you whisper a chorus of 'I'm fine, I will be.' He wants to heal you. He wants to turn back time and never meet you. He wants you to live.
He wants you to live, but you're dying — because of him.
You're dying because love kills. You're dying because Jeno is in love with someone else. You're dying because love blooms, and if it's unrequited, that blooming kills.
"I'm not blaming you," you whisper, "But I hope you know that I loved you so much that I began loving these fucking petals that are trying to fucking kill me—"
You're cut off by an abrupt hug that he pulls you into. Jeno sobs, just like the little boy you became best friends with. He cries just like the old days, babbling nonsense and things that would've mattered had you listen.
You can't read his thoughts. You're his best friend, but you were never that good at that game. Ironically, you know what's going on inside his head right now, a hint of it — Don't leave me, I'm sorry, I don't want you gone. Please stay. Please stay forever.
At the very same time, he blames other factors. You were nice. You were good. You shined. You never did anything wrong, except you loved him, and you loved him brightly.
"Mom said you'll know love when you see it through the butterflies in you stomach," you say amidst your sobs. "You gave me a whole garden," you try to joke.
"You're allowed to be scared," he says through his sob. "You're allowed to be scared, Y/N."
You try to pull away, but he pulls you closer, tighter. If Jeno hugs you this tightly and this close, forever or as long as he can, he can pretend that you're not going away. That you're not leaving him.
You nod in his hold, breaking down. "I am," you whisper. "I'm so scared, Jeno."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be," your words are muffled by his skin, but he understands. You listen to his heartbeat, feeling it break under your touch. "I love you, so don't be sorry anymore. I forgive you."
