Treat spiders the way you want to be treated

Killed without hesitation

Wasn’t iCarly that guy with the wax wings that flew into the sun and fucking got rest because same

I just realized my phone corrected Icarus to iCarly because I type iCarly more than Icarus okay thanks

I thought this was just a god tier shitpost

me: i need to finish this book and do my homework and have a shower

brain: okay but consider this,,, don’t.

me: you propose a compelling argument

“There are no trigger warnings in real life”

“The real world is cruel, get over it.”

My boyfriend is triggered by Christmas and Christmas music. We were in a restaurant, and Christmas music was playing, and he started panicking so he went outside for a cigarette. The manager of the restaurant overheard him saying he had to get out, and changed the music over for the rest of the time we were there. There are safe spaces in the real world. People are nicer than you think. And bullshit people who try to tell you to get over your triggers, ain’t shit.

Honestly “the world is cruel get over it” is pretty easily translated to “I’m a complete asshole who doesn’t want to be held responsible for my sh*tty behavior”

Don't confuse religion with culture.

the next time you think you’re lonely, just remember you have about 25 billion white blood cells in your body protecting your sorry little ass with their life. you have 25 billion friends who would die for you. no need for tears.

thank you osmosis jones

My immune system tried to kill me though.

Jordan just remember you had twenty five billion enemies trying to kill you and you’ve survived them all

Take THAT you tiny goddamn sons of bitches. 

good good parenting

if anyone would like to learn a couple tricks for carving pumpkins:

- dont cut out the top to scoop out the seeds, cut out the bottom instead. this way the pumpkin doesnt cave in on itself and lasts longer - sprinkle some cinnamon inside at the top after carving. this way when you put the candle in it smells like pumpkin pie

this is the quality content I wanna see on my dash

- rub the i sides with lemon after you’re done scooping. This will also help preserve the pumpkin

It’s fucking June, at least wait until the fourth of July, you animal.

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of me disemboweling this pumpkin.

my dad was saying how he thinks that at every birthday after 18 more and more things should become legal. so by the time you’re like 60 you finally get your meth and arson liscence

if you make it to 100 instead of getting a card or whatever it is from the queen you get to commit treason

your dad is a fucking innovator

the straights are at it again

Reblog if you are a greedy gay hoarding refracted light all for your greedy gay self

I totally am, but also: I have a story. The time: 1995. The place: a small liberal arts college. We decided to participate in “denim day” which was a widespread event wherein on National Coming Out Day, you would wear denim to indicate SUPPORT FOR the LGBT community. Our support group made posters that were very, very clear about this. Wearing denim did not mean that you were coming out, it meant you supported anyone around you who might.

I have never seen so many suits and khakis IN MY LIFE. People who accidentally wore jeans went home and changed.

The community took it as a rebuke. We drew in closer to eachother, and felt unwelcome everywhere we thought we had friends before.

And I had people later tell me “You know I support you, just… I didn’t want anyone to think I was.” First off, I DON’T know you support me. Not if you refuse to, for one day, change nothing about your life to show it. Second off… why is that such a terrifying thought to you?

I remember before rainbows were a “gay thing”. They were everywhere. Church walls next to arks. School walls next to sunshine faces. People have VOLUNTARILY abandoned every other use. I have HEARD PEOPLE SAY they just couldn’t use rainbows anymore because people would think of “gay stuff.”

So I know this is a joke, and a stolen one at that, but you’ve done this to yourselves. If someone is so terrified of being perceived as queer that they will INSTANTLY abandon something they like if it has queer germs on it now or something, then they don’t deserve refracted light.

Maybe help us change the world into a place where being mistaken for queer would be just a thing to chuckle about and you can have refracted light back.

The LGBTQ+ community didn’t steal the rainbow. The straights abandoned it.

let them seethe boy

Why do men always have to act like they gotta teach you shit… like?? I don’t know who fuckin asked you but it sure wasn’t me so keep your motivation speeches to yourself

every interaction with a man is a combination TED Talk, valedictorian speech, personal training session, and getting grounded by your dad 

Hey @perisnoop

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wack.

me, a sensible boy, feeling a tickle: just your leg hair, calm down

caveman brain: it is so many spiders

Today a student emailed over a draft of his essay on 1984 and had clearly used a thesaurus on every single word, and how I know this is because the the party slogan ‘Big Brother is watching you’ had become ‘Enormous Sibling is viewing you’ and I lauged so hard I cried

you: big brother

me, an intellectual: enormous sibling