IVE BEEN WAITING ALL YEAR TO POST THIS YOU DONT EVEN KNOW

I’m crying. 

i scheduled this a year ago..

Scheduling for every year

I’m gonna set my cats free to form religion, become cat racist, and be gruesomely killed by a broad shouldered tabby tom.

Sorry Shilo, gotta yeet you back under that bush so you can Live Your Life. Get outta my blanket, it’s abusing you.

Ah yes, feline Game of Thrones is the pinnacle of animal welfare.

Of course! Just like all rabbits need to be free to form death cults, join the rabbit military, murder each other, and worship rabbit jesus, just like the entirely accurate and realistic book Watership Down tells us!

I’ve seen some real whoppers pulled out to justify letting cats roam outdoors, but this is probably the most incredible. In case this is not a scarcastic ask, congrats, anon, you’ve effortlessly topped the other ridiculous justifications with an argument so bizarre that it doesn’t even make it onto the outdoor cat bingo card. I think if you get this one, you win all the bingos forever. Congrats to you too, OP, you deserve some sort of trophy for attracting the most spectacular ask I’ve seen in ages.

i used to think that icarus’ death was just a tragic accident—the kind so prevalent in greek mythology, where the hero survives the most dangerous part but tragedy befalls in the most unexpected/preventable way as a result of hubris/arrogance/carelessness. but icarus’ fate was no accident. tragic, yes, but also beautiful in its inevitability: a tribute to the inexorable entanglement between love and death, desire and destruction, intimacy and decay — all of which are ultimately just forms of want and loss. after all, everything has a price, an equal and opposite reaction.

desire is synonymous with fire. it’s something i think mortals are only capable of experiencing in tiny doses: little fires in our guts, live wires down our spine, warm flushes across our cheeks. like taking very small sips of too-hot tea, desire must be drawn out over a lifetime of intimacy—lest it burn us up completely. but apollo feels things with all his immortal intensity: he is pure fire and light and heat. i am not sure there exists a purer form of love than that of the sun.

this is why icarus’ fate is no accident, nor another allegory on the dangers of hubris. it was inevitable from the start. the same way achilles’ virility and vitality was paid for with his death at such a young age, the heat from apollo’s fleeting, fatal moment of desire for icarus is the same as a lifetime’s worth of slow-burning love between two mortals.

i like to believe that icarus didn’t lose his life—not exactly. he just lived it all at once in a single, blazing moment of intimacy with the sun.

Just, a 7 foot 300 pound absolute unit of a berserker, decked out in bear shirt and Daneaxe and Hard Candy Touch of Teal nail polish

Finally, SOMEONE with a good sense of style

the oft unspoken truth of society is that the line between quirky and cringy is often how conventionally attractive you are

and eccentric vs weird is often how wealthy you are

GOD MADE TRANS PEOPLE FOR THE SAME REASON HE MADE GRAPES BUT NOT WINE WHO ARE WE TO DENY THIS DIVINE ALCHEMY OF THE SELF?

daniel lavery, “something that may shock and discredit you”

Shane Madej really is the funniest possible co-host of a mystery show because he's just like. some things will remain a mystery forever and that's fine. I'm satisfied by not knowing for sure if there was a government conspiracy because that means the CIA is doing their covering-up job well, I'm proud of you guys. does it really matter who Jack the Ripper was? it was a hundred years ago. this murder victim still wasn't identified? maybe they were a spy and that's what they wanted. if I ever disappear in mysterious circumstances just assume I'm dead and move on, don't even look for my body because I want it to be eaten by wild animals.

"People on welfare will have the heat on and the windows open just because the government pays their heating bill!"

... what?

Also "if water was free people would just leave it running all the time" like ... What?

"I have to scrape by while these welfare queens are eating lobster on food stamps!!!"

-looks at the $30 most people get on ebt to feed themselves-

...what?

i couldn’t fit it in but a bonus level is: i hope trump doesn’t die just yet bc it could affect the election/i would like him to experience intense suffering first.

Can we actually get American Idiot to the top of the charts

the brits got Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead to the top of the charts when thatcher died & she wasn’t even in office so…

FRIENDS I HAVE SOME REMARKABLE NEWS

@springcourtghoul 

A woman's fear is a negated reality. Women aren't afraid, they're paranoid. They watched too much CSI. They hate men and now think it's unsafe to be near a group of strangers. They had one bad experience, so what? They're hysterical. They're just high strung. They have nothing to worry about.

I am watching a bad movie, laughing over popcorn when the woman screams and the man stays calm and tells her she's imagining things. I am watching a good movie, and the woman is afraid while the man tells her to get herself together. I am watching, and the woman tells people: "this man is violent, and I am not safe", and people roll their eyes behind her, snickering in her wake. I am watching, and the woman gets a restraining order that does nothing and saves no one. I am watching, and I am afraid.

My coworker tells me he used to just walk around at night in random cities talking to random people, joining random parties. I said I could never. He asks - what is there to be afraid of?

What is there to be afraid of? If we started listening to women, the world isn't a safe one. It's easier, isn't it? To dismiss us all as being just messed up, making up stories in our head. Why bother? You know how women are. Always going to the bathroom with their friends. Always carrying their drink with them. Always making knuckled spikes out of car keys. Always checking the back seat. Always making something from nothing.

me and the girls listening to folklore tonight

my favorite minor moomin characters are the “bad language” that are personified into funny little creatures

I call this one “piss shit”

fuck & bastard

dickballs

BITCH