First post in over 2 years. Ignore it. Cause it’s super whine-y and stupid.

Quarantine bs in my head and a few cocktails.

Just in a mood. Feeling a certain way. Not a great way. Trying Ng to make the most of life in quarantine. But damn it’s taking a toll on me.

Is it bad if I talk about my birthday, which is 8 months away, in this post too?

Well toooooooo bad! Just found out we may be going on a family trip with my mans family next year, again, only this time instead of a couple weeks after my bday, we would be traveling on my birthday, which is a Saturday.....which hasn’t happened since 2015. And I was actually looking forward to a celebration with my friends, on my birthday, rather than having to so a different day to accommodate everyone else’s January 20 something bdays.

But also I didn’t even get a say in where were traveling this time, or last time, because it’s been up to the family and idk I’m thrilled with the location. Idk.

I’m just in a quarantine mood. And venting. Ignore me.

My birthday is in 10 days!!

I’m excited but also the least excited I’ve even been for a birthday so 🤷🏼‍♀️

Like I can’t complain, I’ve been surprised with a trip to Jamaica. But at the same time won’t get to celebrate in the city because I don’t really have any friends here to celebrate with but that’s okay I’m sure it’ll still be great!

I’m trying to be more positive this year over all. 😊

Have you ever worked so hard for something just to finally hit a point where it’s clear it won’t work?

Like your whole life, you’ve had a plan. And that plan was going smoothly. Running quite well actually. Coming together.

And then you hit a wall, and you fought that wall hard and you beat it. And then you hit another and do the same. And you continue to do that. And with each fight you get stronger and fighting the wall gets easier.

And then you kinda hit the boss wall so to speak and you’re mentally ready for it. You have fought every other wall so why not this one!

But you fight the wall, and on the other side of it is another wall, and another and another and it just seems there’s no end to the walls...

And at the same time half of the wall you don’t want to fight because the wall is helping someone else who really deserves it.

So you fight the part that you can, but in the end that’s not enough to really get past the wall.

And then it feels like every sacrifice you made for that thing on the other side of the wall seems pointless now because well....the wall isn’t moving anytime soon and it sucks because again part of that wall is really helping someone else who deserves it.

Yeah....that’s where I am. 🤷🏼‍♀️