Love or Comfort?

It took three tries to finally break up with my boyfriend. It has been three weeks and I have not regretted it once. I can see he is in pain and I feel like I'm not human for not feeling the same. He treated me well in the beginning but as time went on he grew comfortable and expected me to be happy with being the one to drive to him. I moved away for college 7 months ago and throughout that time I had to be the one to drive to him and spend the whole day with him and his family. It wasn't terrible, I loved his family. However, he wanted to have sex in the bathroom that he and his family shared. I had to be turned on and ready or he grew frustrated with me. I felt like it had to be me. The pain I felt during it was because of my body. I denied the idea that I had lost my physical attraction to him since he would ask me if I did. How can you tell someone that you don’t feel attracted to them and not cause a fight? He had no job and no car. He said he loved me and that I was the one. How can I be the one if he wouldn't do everything in his power to visit me? I knew that one day I would snap. I wouldn't be able to carry this relationship. I thought I loved him and we would eventually get married and start a family. How can love die? How can I watch To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before and wish for someone to love me?I feel guilt for wishing to be loved after breaking the heart of someone who may have truly loved me. I treated him well, maybe too well and that comfort I provided may have been confused for love.

This is me

So I have decided to use this blog as my journal. Those who follow me and don’t want to see my crap on their dash, you can unfollow me I won't take it personally. I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years and I need to write out my feelings as I grow and go in to my last few semesters of college. Sorry in advance.