I Miss...

      Honestly, I don’t even know how to start. Everyone was friends once. We were all friends. And then we all found out the truth. It all came crashing down like the ocean waves here to steal those beautiful times we all had together. This was among our parents, and parents are the most influential people in our lives. We had so, so, so much fun. It was genuine. I was having the time of my life with you guys. Hard to believe this coming summer will mark two years since we had the most fun in our lives. I miss those times so much. I miss watching anime together then writing a cringy fanfiction where we insert ourselves as the character’s girlfriends. I miss staying up until 6:00 am, stealing food from the pantry when everyone was asleep, occasionally finding a cockroach then bailing on you guys. I miss making chocolate milk and stealing nutella right out of the jar at 3:00 am. I miss swimming until we saw the full moon. I miss looking at ourselves in the reflection at our glowing skin. I miss the ‘moon tan’. I miss those sleepless nights where I’m the only one who couldn’t sleep and hear you guys sleep talking. I miss those mall trips where the whole family would hang out. I miss the Indian store trips where I cut my finger on a can of Fanta and where we almost threw up because of the nasty unknown smell and running to the achar. I miss when you guys took pictures of me when I wasn’t looking and starting my meme career. I miss playing intense games of bluff. I miss playing intense games of slapjack where you all would be terrified to slap the jack because of the possibility of being stabbed by my long nails. I miss the tandoori chicken and barbecue corn by the poolside. I miss the Indian dramas on StarPlus. I miss playing cricket and being really good at it. I miss not knowing how to use your shower and somehow making it work with one of those desi bucket things. I miss straightening all of your hair when you guys didn’t know how to. I miss the stupid pranks we pulled. I miss hearing stories about school. I miss locking the door from the boys. I miss pool hide and seek. I miss going shopping with my aunts and being the person who tries on all the clothes so they could estimate which dress fit who. I miss doing our make up together. I miss when she filled in her eyebrows sloppily with the wrong color. I miss when the rest of the family came over. I miss interacting with my youngest cousin, you turned six this year and I hope you remember me. I miss the jinn stories. I miss hiding in Mummy and Baba’s closet to trick our other cousin. I miss those times when I got ‘high’ in the middle of the night and chanted “Hands up don’t shoot” while waving a water gun and you guys not being familiar with the phrase so you just laughed with me. I miss taking pictures of each other sleeping. I miss that poor drawing of Honey-senpai and naming it “hooshar” and then scribbling all over it. I miss when we looked up ballgowns to pick out our dresses for the cringy fanfiction. I miss when we all posted on piccollage and me and my sister’s dresses got the most likes. I miss watching new episodes of Kuroko no Basket while you guys played Monopoly. I miss those random strength contests. I miss those photoshoots. I miss “modeling”. I miss our innocence. I miss it all. I know how much you miss it too. I want to be friends. You will always be my friend. This current situation among our parents prevents that at the time being, but promise me, once it gets resolved, we can do all of those things we once did together again. I know that awkward atmosphere lingers, but can we forget what is among our parents and aunts and uncles? Though they do not agree, we should never let their argument dictate our friendship. But once again, I promise we will do all of these things we miss together for a second time.  

Who am I?

Just imagine

The glistening blood

Red like the finest satin

I feel my heart flood

With something positive

As I glower at the body

That once held me captive

And I realize they were once the embody

Of me

Then who am I?

WATCH AT 0.5 SPEED

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afmFS_zjXZg 

JUST PLEASE DO IT YOU DONT KNOW HOW HARD IM HOLDING IN MY LAUGH MY VISIONS BLURRING FROM TEARS HAHAHAHA THEY SOUND DRUNK LIKE ANGRY DRUNK PLUS THEY’RE RAPPING 

Wasted

lol I wasted this entire break but at least the stress is off my pretty face. 

3:57 am

Today (yesterday) I woke up at 3:00 pm. it is currently 3:57 am almost 13 hours later. I don’t know what I’m doing. I killed a spider like an hour or two ago. I’m currently listening to Adore U by Seventeen. Btw Pretty U by Seventeen is literally pretty the lyrics are so nice. I’m not tired but what you’re reading are my thoughts as of right now. I accidentally elbowed my AP European history textbook and I thought it was a person wow I scared myself. I really wonder why I am documenting this. I dunno. Let’s just see how much I can write (type). You shouldn’t write on a computer thats not WRITE HAHAH GET IT OMG WOW I WASNT EVEN PLANNING ON PUNNING BUT AT FOUR AM I JUST DO IT NATURALLY!!! Ok but why is it I am always listening to Lotto by Seventeen while I am blogging? I really don’t know. The song sounds so angry. But I’m not angry. I guess I like to hear people rant cause I think they’re ranting about rich people in that song. Very passionate. I was gonna do AP notes but I got distracted. Should I sleep? Well I’ve been up for 13 hours. Normally I’m up for about 17 hours on average but am I really gonna stay up another 4 hours? Um no. You know, I feel like I should talk about something really deep. Oooh I’m gonna talk about hate. Look down for the paragraph on hate. 

Hate. Why do we experience hate? Where does that feeling develop? Is it learned or taught? Is it human nature? What is hate? It’s dislike obviously but a strong sense of dislike. And people normally hate on other people. Why? I understand if those people did something bad to you but why hate people on simple things they can’t change like their skin color? Really? To all the racist people: you are literally hating on someone for the amount of melanin they have. You jealous? You shouldn’t be. We’re all pretty. But still, how does someone’s skin color offend you so much? And why resort to supremacy but give it a new name like ‘alt-right’? More like alt-WRONG. Eww, talking about this gives me cramps and I’m not even on my period. How toxic. 

Ok thats enough about hate I’m literally hurting myself talking about that. I just looked at myself. My bags are deeper than this post. My shoulder twitched. I should sleep now. Um. Oooh I had a really aesthetic dream the other day. Continued in next paragraph.

So I was in my neighborhood and I was running and leading my sisters up the hill to show them something. And I was running really fast, like faster than I do irl. Anyway, I wanted to show them a cherry blossom tree, you know like in the animes on the first day of school? So the cherry tree was huge, like it was a collection of about five trees that morphed into one big tree. And it was so pink and beautiful. I told my sisters that we needed to gather the fruit and juice from the tree. And this was a cherry tree that did not grow cherries. I grew tiny peaches. And those peaches were the color of a pale sunset. So I picked a few and jumped over some tree roots and random skulls. I also had to get the juice which was conveniently packed in water balloons. I took a sip of the juice and it was the best thing I’ve ever tasted. Yeah apparently you can taste in dreams. And also smell cause I smelled the peaches. But the juice was so good. Imagine lychee (if you’re desi than you should know what I mean) and pink grapefruit juice mixed together. Thats what the cherry blossom juice tasted like. It was so good. I didn’t get to eat the peaches but as soon as we were done picking fruit, I looked up at the sky. Imagine the most pink, orange, aesthetically pleasing tumblr sunset you could think of. Thats how the sky looked. It was beautiful. And it was getting late so I called my sisters and we had to go. I ran across the street and almost got hit by a school bus and two cars. And then I saw my mom and grandfather come and I was really excited to show them the peaches and juice but they started yelling at me and they said I’m not allowed to go so far from the house cause I’m a girl. My reasoning was, “I wasn’t alone, there was a school bus!”. They were still mad so I sadly walked home with them. The end. OMG ITS 4:20 RN!!! THATS WHY IM LIKE THIS BUT IVE BEEN TYPING FOR A WHILE I MIGHT AS WELL POST THIS

Happiness

I’m gonna attempt to be motivational. I’ve noticed that a majority of my friends are feeling pretty depressed lately. And they are feeling that way for various reasons which I will not disclose for obvious reasons. Some of these reasons I understand perfectly, others not. I just want to share how I got over those negative feelings and became the happiest person ever. 

For me, happiness is something that should be natural. Everybody deserves happiness. You deserve to be happy. What is stopping you from being happy? Ask yourself that. Ask yourself that again. And again. And again. Have you figured it out? No? Think harder. Is it stress from school? Or criticism from those closest to you? Or is the source of unhappiness from yourself? Whichever it may be, you need to prevent that from stealing your happiness. If its stress from school, tell yourself that you matter, you’re more important than schoolwork. Repeat this over and over and over until it is engraved in your brain. Yes, this process takes a while, weeks, months, maybe even years? Never give up. You matter way too much to me for you to give up on yourself. If you’re ever struggling to feel happy about yourself, don’t listen to your negative thoughts. Instead, tell yourself everything you love about yourself. If you feel you have to improve, do it for yourself. Focus more on yourself. Love yourself. It hurts me to hear other people tell me they are not satisfied with themselves. You cannot do everything, but be happy with what you can do. Think like that. Please think like that you don’t know how sad I feel when I know I can’t make my friends feel better. And it is possible to feel happy again. I did it, so can you. Oooh, and another thing I like to do is list out everything I love about myself. It can be anything, like my love for stupid puns or my super long black hair. 

This kind makes me want to talk about body positivity now. Okay, somehow tons of people are not happy with their body. They believe their body is too big or too small. They don’t like the color of their skin or their weight. Please remember, the industry’s standards shouldn’t effect you. In fact, fuck them for thinking all people should look a certain way and be a a “perfect” size. Every size is perfect. Omg.. so I’m listening to lotto by Seventeen and this one line relates to this topic so well even though the song has nothing to do with this subject. It said, “Fuck what they’d be talkin’ about, their opinion doesn’t count...” That was irrelevant but this is how I think. Why care about anyone else’s opinion? You shouldn’t. Only think positively about yourself. For example, I know I’m not the ideal body type for the industry, but that doesn’t make me sad. I like to think to myself, “Yeah my thicc thighs are there to hold up my ASSets” 😂 See? I found something “negative” about myself but turned it positive! Try it with yourself too! You’ll laugh at the things that come up during the thought process. Oooh that reminds me of another thing: Laughter

If you know me in real life, you know that I laugh way too much, especially at my own lame puns! But take every moment possible and laugh! It feels great, well not when you’re on your period but thats a different story for another day. ANYWAY just laugh. It makes me so happy laughing at the stupidest things. Sometimes in the middle of class I think of really funny things at the wrong times and people must think I look crazy for smiling during a boring lecture in class. But that instantly puts me in a great mood even after I fail an AP test. Just find happiness and positivity in the least expected of places. You’ll enjoy life a lot more with that mindset. 

I wonder if I’m forgetting anything... hmm... Anxiety? I haven’t really collected my thoughts on this matter since I’m pretty anxious most of the time. And I’m telling this following advice not only to you but my future self, get it cause anxiety is worrying about the future? Hahah. That wasn’t funny but it was in my head. Oh my head, such a strange place. Off topic again. Btw this is my thought process right now. Ok back to anxiety. So what I have to say is that it will work out. The journey can be rougher than you ever imagined, but never forget your goal. Enjoy the things you encounter on this journey to your goal. Even if you experience failure on the way, remember it as a learning experience. I know I especially joke about every time i fail a test but in reality, I’m just trying to figure out what I could’ve done to prepare for the future. But don’t you every let thoughts about the future upset you. Most of the time those thoughts are made up scenarios in your head! 

Okay, I think I’m done with my motivational speech. Was it motivational? I don’t know but I hope this helped! Please always remember you are loved. I love you and you matter so much to me! If you’re ever sad, talk to me. I’ll try to help the best I can! I didn’t have anyone for me in my time of need but I can be that person for you. Remember, you are the best person in your life. Put yourself first sometimes. You deserve yourself before anyone else. 

-Cube

realization

Wow, I just realized that around this time of the year last year was the worst/best time of my life all in one month. But this all confuses me so much. She did something I never thought she would and I almost followed right into her path. What could have been...

Women don’t owe you shit and vice versa + more (rant)

At this rate, this account is gonna turn into a rant account. Yet again here is another rant brought to you by your coolest Ayesh-cube. Today I’m gonna rant about a phrase I overheard a classmate say. He asked rather loudly, “If our school has a 50/50 ratio of girls to guys, than why aren’t all the girls dating us?”. Okay... so I should date you because we have an even amount of guys and girls? That’s it? I’m going to make a list of reasons why you are so wrong and why what you said triggers me so much:

1. WOMEN DON’T OWE YOU SHIT AND VICE VERSA. Just because I’m a girl and we go to the same school with an even number of guys and girls doesn’t mean I owe you a nice date and such. Please remember our school is very diverse and that not all girls are attracted to guys and not all guys are attracted to girls. 

2. Why do you expect us girls to drop everything and date you? I know for a fact that me and many other girls are not interested in dating as of right now. We want to focus on education and other important matters. I’m obviously going to put my education, health, family, friends, and free time towards MYSELF. I don’t have time for desperate fools like you who think we all should date since there is an even amount of us.   

3. Do you expect girls to fawn all over you? You’re expecting girls to come up to you and declare their undying love for a shithead like you. Pshh... girls aren’t stupid you know. 

4. I love myself too much for people like you. Why do I need somebody to love me when I already have myself? I’m pretty sure I could provide and take care of myself. I don’t need dates or sex or anything like that. I would chose a day of taking time to myself than going on a date with people like you. 

5. I don’t want to put up with shit from people like you. If you expect girls to date you for that shallow of a reason than I’m gonna assume you’re an asshole who’s no good and very disrespectful. At this rate, you’ll never have a girlfriend by the way you are talking. 

Wow.. I was triggered. 

But really, you are talking nonsense. Please remember that we all are smart people who aren’t dumb enough to date each other because of a ratio. 

I haven’t blogged in a while but wow: Politics proceed with caution

Cube here. So we all know about that huge, historical election that occurred just a few days ago, right? Well I’m screwed. If you know me irl, you know I’m unapologetically liberal. To add to that, I’m also unapologetically muslim too. Oh and female too. That certain orange bigot seems to hate my kind, along with the LGBT+, African American, Hispanic & Latino, and disabled communities. We all felt that sinking feeling on November 9, 2016. We felt our worth drained from us. We felt scared, some terrified. We watched as the hate crimes against us rise and rise. We wondered, “Is this our future? Is this the ‘Great America’ he promised?” If I could magically look into the future, I would have done it way before this happened, but what will happen to us? Surely he cannot do the unimaginable but those possibilities still do exist. Will history repeat itself? The rise of fascism and the uprising of a supreme race? Another war? Perhaps it be called World War III? And will it be nuclear? Will the muslims be loaded up in camps to be sent to their end? You never know! I know I’m being somewhat unrealistic right now, but as a minority Trump has attacked numerous times, these thoughts occur more and more. On the ninth, I couldn’t focus. I had a quiz in AP European History and I tried to study that morning but I couldn’t at all. I was shaking. My friend had dark bags under her eyes. She told me she cried three times that morning. I’m not much of a crier, but i would be soon brought to tears. I still hadn’t cried because I was in shock that lasted about three hours. Everyone was talking about this election. Most of my friends were sad, and a few arguments had happened. It wasn’t until I went on my phone and read the tweets of some of my classmates. They were absolutely hurtful. I didn’t know they were Trump supporters and they were rejoicing. A few attacked my friend, who is African American, for not standing up for the pledge that morning. They told her she had no right to sit down because the soldiers fought for her freedom. I know she had no intent to disrespect our soldiers, btw shout out to all the veterans in the military you’re amazing. But the fact that she, a black girl, was attacked by white Trump supporters is pretty obvious what Trump’s supporters preach. This made me cry in the middle of class. The hate is real. Trump’s supporters stand by a racist man who has disrespected everybody but white men. They say by voting for Trump doesn’t mean they agree with his words against the people he has attacked. You know what, BY VOTING FOR SOMEONE, YOU AGREE WITH THEIR POLICIES AND BASICALLY EVERYTHING THEY SAY. And you have to remember some of his policies include banning an entire religion from entering the United States and deporting illegal immigrants who do the jobs the American people don’t want to. So if you’re pro Trump, you basically agree that all muslims are terrorists, all hispanics/latinos are rapists and criminals, and you can sexually assault women if you are a rich celebrity. If you’re an advocate of your candidate, you agree 100% with them. So when you walk around in those “Make America Great Again” hats, you basically are preaching Trump’s hateful ideologies. All I really hope now is that we can somehow just heal. We can shorten the gap between the two parties and somehow reunite. But as of right now, we really are not The United States of America.