gay people can never say 'I love you' it's always gotta be some shit like "you are a wood-elf, anyway, though elves of any kind are strange folk. yet you comfort me. where you go, I will go," and "but you comfort me, gimli. i'm glad to have you standing nigh with your stout legs and your hard axe."

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

the hightown chantry was probably sheltering orphans and refugees et cetera, and you can tell this because the moment your character arrives in kirkwall as a refugee, they get locked in the chantry prison on the orders of the chantry enforcers so that everyone poor can be forced out. this was subtle foreshadowing that the hightown chantry regularly shelters woebegone innocents. you can tell because the chantry is a place the player regularly goes to, where there are never any npcs who could be remotely described as that

they DID make a part of the city where all the refugee and penniless orphan npcs are, for six years of in-game time! almost as if they were forced into a really bad area, rather than helped, at any point, by the wealthiest and most powerful force in the city. there was even a guy the chantry really didn’t like, who chose to risk his life helping them down in that horrible place every day, as if to emphasise how little the chantry was doing compared to those it damned as inherently destructive. isn’t that crazy? and you’ll never believe who that guy was

Fuck I love her.

babygirl your tattoos are so complicated

FELLOW TRAVELERS 1x08 “Make It Easy”

We were feeling pretty chuffed about having the #6 trending post on this website until we saw number 7 was a Supernatural mpreg edit

Alrighty then

Yea that's fair

you wouldn’t download a #skyrim.

I regret to inform you I’m #lae'zel trash.

#victor tsoi is my biggest hobby... and my greatest fear.

Pour one out for #delvin mallory.

Has my constant yapping made you fall in love with me yet

Me: So, while men are not blessed with immortality like elves, it’s said that their ability to die and go beyond the physical world  is its own kind of gift. The stuff about Beren and Luthien kinda throws a wrench into this, since she could apparently stop being immortal as a full-blooded elf anyway, which makes it seem like the elves just get a better deal period, but regardless, most of the elves ultimately go to the blessed land of Valinor, which is in the far west, but removed from the circles of the world.

The Pure Land Buddhist in my head: The place in the far west is not quite the final escape, but as good as it gets while still being a sentient being. Right…

Me: Valinor is also the home of the Maiar and Valar, godlike beings. A renegade Vala, Melkor, is the overarching villain, but the main villain of the books is a renegade Maia loyal to Melkor (at least originally), Sauron. Anyway, Sauron put a lot of his power into a single artifact, a ring. This ring falls into the possession of the protagonists of The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, and possession of the ring causes an obsessive attachment in whoever has it, and apparently allows them to live indefinitely, but it doesn’t bring them any real happiness or contentment.

The Pure Land Buddhist in my head: Okay, the circle/ring/wheel-shaped object keeps you miserably tethered to life and itself. The symbolism is a touch heavy-handed, but I can live with it.

Me: The author, John Ronald Reuel Tolkien, was a devout Catholic, and while not overtly allegorical in the fashion of his friend Clive Staples Lewis’s Narnia books, many see a great deal of Catholic influence in the Lord of the Rings mythos.

The Pure Land Buddhist in my head: (spitting out the tea he had coincidentally just started drinking) Catholic?

with summer fast approaching, a quick reminder to not point out anyone's self-harm scars, burns, stomach rolls, stretch marks, cellulite, eczema, psoriasis, etc. and a reminder that if you have any of these, you're allowed to wear revealing clothing and swimsuits. you deserve to enjoy summer too.